Author Topic: Female Sexuality in BBM  (Read 22993 times)

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #30 on: March 18, 2007, 03:23:41 pm »

The film makes it pretty clear that Ennis was so scarred from his upbringing that no extenuating circumstances in his adulthood would bring him around. After his divorce, he still preferred not to even be seen with Jack.


Yup, I think this is Ennis's situation in a nutshell.  And, it seems to be the basis of how heartbreaking Jack's surprise post-divorce visit becomes.  He realizes that Ennis can't even handle being seen with him by some random person driving by in the white truck.  He finally gets that it wasn't Ennis's marriage really holding Ennis back.
 :'(
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Offline nic

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #31 on: March 18, 2007, 06:31:41 pm »
I don't think the responsibility would be on the wives to set the men free to chase a dream their wives had no clue about, would it?

No, certainly not, but I yearn for a happy ending so search out any possible route into a parallel universe!  Yet Alma did have more than clue about Ennis & Jack's relationship. 

By today's standards it would be considered odd for a young wife to stand by her husband for so long after finding out he was gay, & effectively was never in love with her.  It must have been very difficult for her to keep having sex with him.  Do you think she ever would have attempted to "cure" him from being gay/seeing Jack, eg by submitting to anal sex she is showing Ennis that he can "have the best of both worlds"? 

It is a mystery to me why she took so long to get round to a divorce even given the trappings of the era.  I have wondered if maybe she set up the relationship with Munroe first before she sought divorce, so that she wouldn't have to be a lone parent, as that would have been very hard at that time in that location. 



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Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #32 on: March 18, 2007, 06:41:51 pm »
Yeah, I think the question of why Alma waits so long is very valid.  She seems to simmer under a lot of resentment over the continual appearance of postcards and Ennis's enthusiasm for the fishing trips.  Did she think things would somehow get better?  There are a lot of odd timing issues in BBM and this is just one of them.  The other major timeline puzzle is the length of time that Ennis dates Cassie (and correspondingly the length of time that Jack might be dating Randall).
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Offline LauraGigs

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Guys! Come here! (This isn't the Proctor & Gamble thread LOL....)
« Reply #33 on: March 18, 2007, 08:05:17 pm »
Quote
By today's standards it would be considered odd for a young wife to stand by her husband for so long after finding out he was gay . . .

But this was rural Wyoming in the 60s.  What did people say about homosexuality then?  If anything?  What would someone like Alma know about it?  "Finding out he was gay" is oversimplifiying Alma's experience.  A lot of people believe she had very little full understanding of what she saw until much later.
 
Quote
Do you think she ever would have attempted to "cure" him from being gay/seeing Jack, eg by submitting to anal sex she is showing Ennis that he can "have the best of both worlds"?

With all the ignorance surrounding homosexuality, that's a good possibility Nic. Have you ever seen Far From Heaven?  If not, rent it! It's really pertinent and a fine film too.

Quote
It is a mystery to me why she took so long to get round to a divorce even given the trappings of the era . . .

Remember, there was a lot of ignorance surrounding divorce at the time too. Divorcees were much rarer than they are today — and were considered anything from radicals, to damaged goods in most circles (especially if you're a woman).
« Last Edit: March 19, 2007, 12:04:52 am by LauraGigs »

injest

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #34 on: March 18, 2007, 10:15:57 pm »
another aspect to remember is the religious one. Even today in 2007 my sister is considered a sinner and damaged goods in her church for getting a divorce...and the reason is immaterial. She was telling me her husband and his best friend were discussing this last week...about how women that are divorced go to hell.

Offline nic

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #35 on: March 19, 2007, 07:01:21 am »
I believe Alma would want to resist divorce for a number of reasons, as mentioned above & also including the simple fact she loved Ennis, but I also think of the taboo surrounding homosexuality in those times,  that gay men could be seen as monsters & perverts.  If someone was to find out she was "harbouring" a homosexual, they would turn on her.  Plus if she was quite ignorant about homosexuality, she might have thoughts of him as a monster & potentially some kind of threat to the children.  These factors point me to thinking an earlier divorce would have been on the cards.

Or it could have worked conversely, in that she wouldn't have had a valid enough reason for divorce, as she wouldn't want to openly cite a homosexual partner as the reason for divorce.  Thus she had to build up a case of Ennis neglecting his husbandly duties etc over some years.  This is quite plausible, as it also gives her time to try to master her own feelings about Ennis. 

....With all the ignorance surrounding homosexuality, that's a good possibility Nic. Have you ever seen Far From Heaven?  If not, rent it! It's really pertinent and a fine film too...

I have seen it, & remember it had some fine performances but not much else.  I'll try to check it out again. Alma didn't appear to buck up her game in any other arena. I thought she might try to keep their house more in order, make herself less dowdy-looking etc in an attempt to persuade Ennis to stick fully to a conventional lifestyle.  Maybe she didn't because she was flat out as it was.  I was pleased she took the job at the store, as it was something she could do off her own back,  even if the prime reason was needing the income.  I found Ennis lumbering her with the kids at work in the film very hard to take at first veiwing!  >:(

She must have felt her own sexuality was brought into question, in the sense of why wasn't her feminine sexuality enough for Ennis? Monroe is obviously second choice, & convenient.  Again, looking with today's eyes, she would be expected to effectively take her pick of a second partner.  I see her becoming pregnant with Monroe's child as her completely having no choice but to follow the societal convention at the time.  She seems quite plucky so I could have seen her as taking a more pro-active role in managing the store with Monroe, but no - she is relegated to the kitchen sink & I imagine becoming a stay-at-home mum for many more years.  This may have been ok with her of course, but I interpret the fact she stood up for herself getting the job & then the divorce as indicators she became more independent & naturally would have liked to continue in that vein if it had been possible at the time.  Especially as she had settled for Monroe - she would want something to "balance out" her compromise of accepting second best.   

I seem to have a lot to say on this, whether completely OT or not.  Apologies for rambling along  ::)
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Offline serious crayons

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #36 on: March 19, 2007, 09:56:50 am »
I was pleased she took the job at the store, as it was something she could do off her own back,  even if the prime reason was needing the income.  I found Ennis lumbering her with the kids at work in the film very hard to take at first veiwing!  >:(

... I see her becoming pregnant with Monroe's child as her completely having no choice but to follow the societal convention at the time.  She seems quite plucky so I could have seen her as taking a more pro-active role in managing the store with Monroe, but no - she is relegated to the kitchen sink & I imagine becoming a stay-at-home mum for many more years.  This may have been ok with her of course, but I interpret the fact she stood up for herself getting the job & then the divorce as indicators she became more independent & naturally would have liked to continue in that vein if it had been possible at the time.  Especially as she had settled for Monroe - she would want something to "balance out" her compromise of accepting second best.   

I see Alma's job at the store as more about boosting their income than Alma's independence. We see Alma cajoling Ennis to move to town and get the apartment over the laundromat, Ennis says it's too expensive, and next thing we know they're living over the laundromat and Alma's working in the store. I'm guessing that's the compromise they made.

Someone once said that the look Ennis gives her when he drops off the kids could be a reminder that she was the one who wanted to live in town in the first place, and that if he loses his job they'll be in trouble. And that's why Alma, acknowledging that, immediately backs down.

I would guess Alma probably does become a stay-at-home mom after having the baby with Monroe. But back in those pre-"Feminine Mystique" days (which probably lasted in Wyoming until long after "The Feminine Mystique" was published, in 1963), a lot of wives/mothers did not consciously long to work outside of the house. In fact, it could even be considered faintly shameful for both spouses: an indication that the husband wasn't capable of supporting the family himself. And of course, Monroe was capable, so Alma didn't "have to work." After all, a lot of mothers today think the same way -- they opt to stay home with their children, even feminists with degrees and careers and good incomes and access to excellent child care.

I also think it's even possible that Alma, who seems very interested in having a nice home and decent income, doesn't consider the prosperous Monroe second best.

Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #37 on: March 19, 2007, 11:04:15 am »
Maybe she resisted the urge to get divorced until she was certain that Monroe would be a sure bet.

Before the divorce how much do we think was going on between Alma and Monroe?  What's the significance of her stomping off to take a late shift at the store during the "swing set/ kick the bucket" scene?  Is the opportunity to maybe see Monroe part of her motivation for working late by this point (besides making extra money)?
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Offline nic

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #38 on: March 21, 2007, 06:45:26 am »
Maybe Alma doesn't see Monroe quite as second best, but he's not Ennis & Ennis was Alma's sweetheart.  I think she really loved Ennis, or rather the person she thought Ennis was, & she is effectively forced to stifle & suppress her feelings for him, they do not just go away over night, hence the angry thanksgiving outburst.  That happened out of her personal hurt & also showed jealousy - if she was completely happy with Monroe & the lifestyle I don't think that episode would have had quite the power behind it.  Perhaps after a little more time elaspes, her feelings will have been drained of any remaining energy & then she can settle emotionally into "her lot" & be content with it. 

Alma does have a little bit of scheming side, shown by the notes on the fishing gear, so I'd definitely say she was working towards a relationship with Monroe at the time she goes off for the late shift.  I hadn't read the story before so didn't know Alma ended up with Monroe.  I really liked how it was handled in the film, ie it appeared neutral such that later on the viewer mulls it over trying to see if hints of the end result are there. (similarly the opening scene, potato peeling, etc & in some of these scenes the hints are indeed there to the trained observer/mad fanatic!). 

......After all, a lot of mothers today think the same way -- they opt to stay home with their children, even feminists with degrees and careers and good incomes and access to excellent child care. ...

Yes - me included. I am giving up work this year to become an earth mother if things go well & I have degrees, 10 years of a professional career & would say I am a feminist, even so far as going through a lesbian separatist at one stage!  I am quite resentful to give it up even though I've made an informed decision etc etc, so as it's a delicate issue for me I'm bound to be putting my own spin on it.

It's just occurred to me that it's quite surprising Monroe did not already have a wife.  Is this because he was in a relatively urban environment & as such attitudes were not as old-fashioned & there wasn't a pressure to get married young?  Also, do you think Alma would have had any fears about whether she was getting involved with another man who would let her down? 
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Offline Brown Eyes

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Re: Female Sexuality in BBM
« Reply #39 on: March 21, 2007, 09:40:35 am »
I love the description of Monroe's environment as "relatively urban"!
 :laugh:

That's great.  But, seriously, I think that we're supposed to get hints that Alma and Monroe are interested in each other during the "grocery store/ spilled peanut jars" scene.  I always thought that the look he and Alma exchange over the broken jars is meant to feel significant.  And, his kindness to her here combinded with this look make it feel less out-of-the-blue when we later learn they've gotten married.  So, that grocery scene is really early and even before she knows about Jack.  Interesting.

It's a good question as to why Monroe wasn't married before.  I don't feel like I know enough about him to make a really good guess. 
the world was asleep to our latent fuss - bowie