Brokeback Mountain Therapy: Those Stuck in Neutral

[Phillip Dampier]

I have learned from a therapist who deals with people stuck in neutral some interesting points about how Brokeback Mountain can motivate people towards change.  I thought I would share some of these views with you, hoping I managed to get them all straight in my head.

People go through stages of change in their lives.  Often, major changes occur first as a realization that something needs to change.  For some people, that is sufficient motivation to push them into completing those changes.  But for those who have realized a change is needed, but lack the knowlege, self-confidence, or sustained motivation to accomplish it, the accompanying stress can lead to depression.  Sometimes it's easier to be blissfully unaware that there is an issue in one's life than to realize it and not know what to do about it.

Brokeback Mountain may kick a lot of people into the first stage of the process of change.  But for those already there, it may be the spark that lights the fire to follow through on a commitment to change.

Often, the best way to sort through the confusion is to be open about being confused.  It's okay to ask for help or guidance.  It's okay to accept or reject the advice you receive.  But committing to discuss it openly with those you trust is, by itself, part of the process of change.

Hopelessness and feeling stuck are two dance partners that regularly flirt with depression.  Having renewed hope and excitement can lead to a drive to achieve, and with that effort can bring success.  This place is a minor example.  BBM gave me renewed hope and something to be excited about.  The drive to achieve is reflected in the work put into making BetterMost a useful place.  Seeing us hit 50 users and an increase in participation are all measures of success. 

This place is a resource I hope you can use to help you launch your own renewed hope and excitement and ultimate success.  The only question is, how can we (as in all of us) help you?

[pgcatz]

Thank you Phillip. Brokeback got me good too.

[Front-Ranger]

This describes me! I am stuck in neutral! Part of my problem is that I realized all my hopes and dreams fairly early in life and now I know a change is needed but I don't want to destroy everything I've built. I am a lot like Ennis.

My biggest problem began almost ten years ago when my husband began to have a mid-life crisis. That led to him changing into a different personality, almost the opposite of what I had known in our early relationship. Or, what's more likely, he had always been the way he is now, but he and I deluded me into thinking differently. This came to a head in 2000 when he told me he had changed political parties. Then two years later his parents both died in the same month, and he reacted to that by becoming more like them. He even wears his father's clothes and wedding ring. He listens to the same radio and TV talk shows that they did and subscribes to the same magazines, which have the opposite viewpoints of mine. He shops for furniture that looks like the items in his house when he was growing up. He will only eat American food while I like sushi and Asian food. Etc., etc.

So, now almost a decade has gone by, and I'm waiting to see what happens next. I feel like a stranger in my own house and avoid going home later and later (guess where I spend my extra free time--on this board!) In the meantime, I've devoted myself to my family and work and wondering if there is anything else left besides that? Yup. I am a lot like Ennis!

I can just take baby steps at this point. I spend a lot of time alone. My husband and family don't like to do the things I like to do and don't like my friends. We've even started taking separate vacations.
I would like to speed up the process of change, to have more courage. I see what you say, Phillip, that it can be more stressful to do nothing than to do something and make mistakes.

[TJ]

When I was active in the now defunct annieproulx.com forum and in another one run by a guy in Eastern Europe, they were AMERICAN members of those forums who had let the movie and its message take over their lives.

I suggested that they find a licensed and certified mental health professional to talk to about the movie and how seeing it had affected their lives. Most of them gave stupid reasons for not talking to a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, etc.; and that was an attempt to claim for themselves, "I'm not that crazy!"

I told them that to keep mentally sane, most people need someone who does not even know people they know to talk to about what is going on in their lives. And, the help of a professional who is ethical is the best way to take care of that. Mental health professionals are NOT supposed to share with anyone else what a client says to them in confidence without a signed release form giving the professional permission to do so.

I did talk to Dennis, a VA licensed clinical social woker, after I saw the movie at a regular monthly session back in January about the movie and what I had read in the original story. Dennis is not gay; but, he does have an adult niece who is a lesbian. I have talked to him more about how the movie affected other people than what effect it had on me. (I have stopped the sessions because of the VA's budget being controlled by a Republican Congress and Administration, I was only being able to see Dennis for 20 minute sessions once a month. Because of the back log of new war veterans needing help and the government not providing funds for the people who had gone to war from them and need help, the VA just cannot do what it was created to do in the first place.

Other than the fact that most of my cyber-discussions are related to the story of Brokeback Mountain, in all of its forms, the movie has not taken over my life.

In fact, most of the issue discussions about Brokeback Mountain have been discussed in the various Yahoo Groups which I created and moderate. And, those discussions have been going on for several years now.

[Front-Ranger]

I'm happy to report that I'm not stuck in neutral anymore. Others?

[Br. Patrick]

I'm happy to report that I'm not stuck in neutral anymore. Others?

Not me, I think I stripped the threads...  Like, what am I supposed to do NOW?

 

[Phillip Dampier]

Not me, I think I stripped the threads...  Like, what am I supposed to do NOW?

 

In part that's why we are trying to evolve this place into something beyond what it was during the first year.  There are new challenges, new things to explore, new things to discover and learn.  I just hope we can do them all together.

[Br. Patrick]

In part that's why we are trying to evolve this place into something beyond what it was during the first year.  There are new challenges, new things to explore, new things to discover and learn.  I just hope we can do them all together.

I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't found Bettermost!  This place makes it OK to BE me!  I see a therapist twice a month.  She understands the major accomplishment that I have done here is 'coming out of my shell.'  I have to thank Lynne Steele for that!  And without you, Philip, where could I have made these amazing connections to people when I am so shy!  Bettermost has become a regular part of my life.  So, here I am, one year later, still shell-shocked over the most life-changing, gut wrenching, terrific and painful film I have ever seen...

And, for reasons I sure don't understand, I don't EVER want it to end........

It reminds me of what Judy Garland said when she refused to spoof "The Wizard Of Oz."  She said something to the effect that she didn't want to do anything that would mar the personal experiences that people had of Dorothy and that film.

 
br. patrick