Author Topic: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy  (Read 7886 times)

Offline dot-matrix

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Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« on: April 15, 2007, 01:21:17 am »
This was published a year ago and I've never seen it before....wonderful, sad, beautiful and uplifiting article  :)

"The movie put me at ease" … it's been a long ride of self-discovery for wrangler Adam Sutton.
Photo: Steven Siewert


March 4, 2006

The struggles of the characters in Brokeback Mountain were familiar ground to cowboy Adam Sutton. Neil McMahon writes.

IT WAS the script that changed Heath Ledger's life - and when he read Brokeback Mountain he knew he had a friend reflected in its pages.

I've just read this script, Ledger later told his mate, Adam Sutton, and it sounds a lot like you. It was a film about a gay cowboy, and the actor was right; Sutton knew more than a bit about that.

That was New Year's Eve 2003 in Sydney, and Sutton was celebrating with Ledger, his then girlfriend Naomi Watts and their families. He had met them a year earlier while working as a wrangler on the set of Ned Kelly, and though they didn't know it then, the actors were seeing in a year which would transform them - Watts with an Oscar nomination, while Ledger took on a film many would have baulked at. His roll of the dice paid off; a Best Actor Oscar on Monday could confirm the wisdom of the gamble.

But there is more to Brokeback Mountain than Ledger's elevation. A simple love story at its core, it has also become a lightning rod and a landmark.

Today's Mardi Gras parade will pay humorous homage and Monday's Oscars will no doubt produce one-liners - but it also has a point.

As Hollywood's first grand gay love story, it is a tale that gives expression to the lives of men like Sutton, who find catharsis, redemption and reflection in its shadow.

"The movie put me at ease in a way," says Sutton, a knockabout horseman from the Hunter Valley who was on set for part of the filming. "And I hope it puts a lot of people at ease, and takes the burden off a lot of country people's shoulders - to know that they are not alone with that thought. It does happen. As tough as it is, it does happen."
He's talking about being a gay man, being in the bush and being alone - and not knowing what to do with any of it, an anguish Ledger captures in his painfully constricted performance.

Sutton cried watching it, as well he might. There was pain and anger on screen, aggression, and love embraced, then denied and nearly destroyed. He understands them all.

In his world - the world of cowboys and rodeos, of stereotypes scarred in the earth and not to be trampled on - you couldn't be gay, and if you were, there was punishment. It could take the form of violence, of the kind that claims a character in the film, or it could be crippling self-hatred and denial.

There were many bad days, but Sutton's worst came in 1994. Ten months earlier he had been out drinking near the family property. While driving home, he took a corner and lost control, collecting an oncoming car.
The young man in it died. A culpable driving charge followed, to which he pleaded guilty, and the day before he was sentenced he saw only one end to the agony.

He was just 19. He had known since primary school that he was different. "I didn't know what gay was."
Whatever his curse, he believed it could find neither expression nor acceptance. That alone tortured him beyond apparent resolution, and now a man was dead. Jail the next day was a certainty. He thought there was nowhere to go.

"It was all my fault."

He took himself up to a rocky outcrop near home; the plan was to jump. He weighed it, weeping all the while. But something stopped him and he pulled back. He walked home, slept, and woke to a six-month jail term.
In prison, a place he calls "the university of criminology", he found a whole other person within. It stopped him taking the master's degree in crime, and at the time his sexuality was the least concern.

"I just pushed it way, way, way down. It was gone."

On release, he went back to his parents' property, then embarked on a journey that was part denial, part discovery.
He travelled the country: first, to north Queensland, where he got a job on the prawn trawlers working the Torres Strait, then west, where he took to sea again on pearling boats, as well as working the mines and taking a job flying into Aboriginal missions, working on the power supply.

He would put everything but his heart at risk. He would dive into shark-infested waters to untangle a net in the middle of the night - but there's that kind of fear, and then there is real terror. He believed it was easier to hate himself than to be himself, and shut down that part of him for years. By nature he was a masculine, dare-devil journeyman, so he did what he had always done, surviving by the sheer force of his boisterous character. He was "the crazy bastard" - the maddest, bravest bloke in the room.

After a few years he returned to NSW, and recognised the one natural affinity he could build a life on: horses.
He started riding in rodeos - fearless again and with success, but continued personal denial. The rodeo world was horses, then girls. "You're meant to pull [women]. That's what you had to do." He did it, but it was hard work. "I was scared of letting anybody know me better. I hated myself. I never let anybody inside my little circle, to know me. That was my front. It was a fort."

The fort would eventually fall. First, he settled down, starting his own horse business - he would train them, retrain them, break them in, on one occasion even accepting a government mission to go bush to capture brumbies, then tame them.

This was a life - almost. He loved it and he thrived. Through word of mouth, in 2002 he got the gig as a wrangler on Ned Kelly, which took him to Victoria and a crowd he had never run with before. This was another world. When he injured himself at a crew party, his first hospital visitor was Orlando Bloom; along with Ledger and others, Sutton had given the actor riding lessons.

They were arty, worldly, Hollywood. He was far from it. Early on, he asked a woman from the set: "So what do you do?" She replied: "I'm the leading lady." It was Naomi Watts. Like Ledger, she'd soon come to know the larrikin wrangler as Bushy.

It was a turning point, and another came the next year when a close friend came out; Sutton took a step in the same direction, going to a gay bar on the Central Coast.

The previous, and only, time he'd been in one - by accident years earlier, with some cowboy mates in Sydney - he had been at his worst. He remembers a man hitting on him. "I broke the bloke's fingers. I was aggressive. I was homophobic. When you're crying out to be like that, you find yourself [becoming homophobic] to cover yourself to your mates."

This time he was braver. He went to the bar and met a gay couple who became friends and mentors. His fort was crumbling.

"I just want to love someone and be loved back," he'd tell his new mates. "I've never done it."

Three years on, he has. He can marvel that he has come so far, and look at the cultural impact of Brokeback Mountain and marvel that the world has come this far, too. He's telling his story - coming out on a grand scale - because the time is right: the movie, the Oscars, the Ledger connection. People will notice now, and gay kids in the country might hear him. His family embraces him still; he has his old friends and many new ones.

"It takes courage and it takes strength and it takes that inner person to take hold and not worry what Tom or Harry down the road thinks. But it's hard, you're standing on your own island, singing your own song."

And while he would not wish his earlier agonies on anyone, nor would he swap his past.

"I wouldn't have done the things I've done if I had come out earlier in life. It would have changed the paths I took and it wouldn't have been the same. That's what makes it your life."
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline David In Indy

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2007, 01:33:30 am »
What a beautiful article, Dottie!

It was very inspirational. I'm so glad everything worked out for him, but he had a long and bumpy road; just as most gay people do.  :)
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Offline Brokeback_Dev

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2007, 12:44:47 pm »
Thank you for posting this article Dot. I loved it!  Adam lived his own sorta brokeback mountain life.  Im glad he finally found himself and was able to come out.  The pic is wonderful too and goes so well with the story.  I like his smile.

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2007, 02:38:00 pm »
Here's another interview with Adam on Australia Story on ABC2 on Australian TV, includes questions and answers from his Mom, Dad and his sisters...very poignant but lovely
Since Adam Was A Boy - Transcript
PROGRAM TRANSCRIPT: Monday, 24 April , 2006

NEIL MCMAHON, PRESENTER: Hello, I'm Neil McMahon. In my work as a newspaper journalist, I meet a lot of remarkable people. But few have made the impact of the subject of tonight's Australian Story. Adam Sutton is a quintessential cowboy. A horse wrangler for whom danger and taking risks are a part of everyday life. But the biggest risk Adam has ever taken was to reveal a secret. And it has resonated throughout the bush in a most surprising way.

ADAM SUTTON: I love the times when I'm out riding. Whether it be through the hills or through the trails, or even along the beach, and just taking it all in as it goes by. That inner peace. Life always hasn't been like it is now for me. I sort of had this hatred going on inside me. I had so much inbuilt anger that was huge and it'd kick off anywhere because of me not liking me. I know that the times I've spent with Archie and my favourite horses, my release was through them a lot of the time. I could explain things to them, silly as it sounds. Because they listen to you. Horses have taught me a lot about myself and about others. And I'm so glad that I found my passion, I found my niche And I love them, you know. And...I don't know what it would be, my life would be like without horses. You know, I really don't. I've had Archie for probably about seven years. I saved him with five other horses destined for the pet food market. From that day, there's a connection there. I loved him. Went, "Wow, good-looking horse." It's a great bond. It's like a bond you form with a person as well. And I can see it in him towards me too. So, it's a special feeling to know that how you feel about that horse is totally reciprocated by him.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: It amazes me how much control Adam has over the horses. Yet, in his own life, sometimes things can be out of control. It's a skill that he's built up over the years. Archie knew nothing. And I could say that Adam knew nothing, really. Archie was his saviour. You could say that Archie was his saviour. 'Cause the work and the love that they both share together I'm sure has kept Adam alive, in some instances. Barb and I have got three kids. There's Adam, Leah and Sally. We are a close family and we've certainly been through the ups and downs. And I think that's what's gelled us together.

BARB SUTTON, MOTHER: Adam was a very adventurous kid. I wouldn't use the word 'wild'. But full of life. He's always fun to be with. Always got something to tell you. Very loving, ready to listen. Always ready to listen. A bit of a prankster as well.

LEAH SUTTON, SISTER: As a kid, Adam was a terror. He used to make Sally eat ants.

SALLY WRIGLEY, SISTER: I'd forgotten about that.

LEAH SUTTON, SISTER: Yeah. And snails.

SALLY WRIGLEY, SISTER:
He used to eat snails.
LEAH SUTTON, SISTER: He used to eat snails in front of us.

SALLY WRIGLEY, SISTER: We had a great childhood. Both my parents are unreal. There were some rough times when my mum and dad sort of, they split up for a little while and Adam really took that hard 'cause he was really close to Dad.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: I am a Vietnam veteran, from the first intake. It's impacted on our life. I had trouble in my mind that I needed to correct. And I feel that length of time that I had to vacate from Adam was probably some of the times when he could have done with a bit of fatherly guidance.

SALLY WRIGLEY, SISTER: Adam had troubles going through his teenage years. He was always the roughest, toughest, biggest larrikin. You know, one of the boys. He always had lots of friends. Everyone loved Adam. Always. Girls, guys, you know, mates. They were great. But you knew there was always something missing. A girlfriend. Everyone used to think, "Why doesn't Adam have a girlfriend?" He had girls - you know, people used to be my friend just so they could know my brother 'cause Adam Sutton was so hot.

ADAM SUTTON: I wasn't experiencing the same feelings that mates were towards females. I was petrified, scared of it. I wanted to go there and I just couldn't find that sexual attraction that was needed. And I wanted to have that so I could be just like the rest. I did feel that there's something different here. "Why, why aren't I experiencing the same stuff?" And I thought to myself, "It'll kick in." You know, "It'll kick in." I was 19 in 1993 and my life changed in a lot of ways. I was out one day with friends, just waterskiing, socialising, doing what teenagers do. Having a few drinks and wanting to go in and get something to eat from town. Me and a mate jumped into my car, not thinking too much of what we'd had to drink that day. And, coming through a corner in a turn in a road that I'd driven a hundred times before, and the bang of the impact happened instantly without, I didn't even have a visual of the car that I hit. I remember, after the accident, hopping out of the car in, like, a daze. I realised the other driver had been killed. He's gone, he's dead.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: I was devastated. I said to him that I knew what it's like to have taken somebody's life through my Vietnam experiences. I thought I could help him. But believe you me, he's got a lifetime to live with remorse. There won't be a day goes past that Adam doesn't feel some form of loss for that young man that he killed.

ADAM SUTTON: I was charged with culpable driving causing death, under the influence. It was a mid-range reading.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: I think Adam was suicidal. We were extremely worried about his psychiatric state and at that stage, I'd already started counselling services with Vietnam Veterans and we agreed to send Adam along to one of the counsellors to see if they could help him.

BARB SUTTON, MOTHER: I can remember getting up some nights going and just seeing if he was still breathing. I just really felt that it'd be any time and he would do something and just take his life.

ADAM SUTTON: The day before the sentence, that was where it just got all too much for me. I came up onto this mountain, because this to me was the only way out for a huge situation to me. The torments from killing somebody, the prospect of going to jail, the inner torments of my sexuality that I had no idea about... Coming up here, this was the answer for me. I was here to jump off of here, and, um, because to me, that was the way to fix it all. And I was actually sitting down on here and had a little bird come up beside me and sit on a tree and sing a song, and just busted my bubble and brought me to absolute sobbing tears. And that bird was that one little thing that just... I saw the beauty in something so innocent and pure like that, and thought there's so much more to life than stopping it and ending it. It must have been eleven months going through court systems. My parents were really supportive. I think I pushed it away a little bit, and I didn't want to be pampered. "Don't tell me I'm OK, because I'm not. I'm a bad person because of what I've done." Dad gave an unbelievable speech in court about himself and Vietnam and knowing what it's like to take a life, and tried to convince the jury that his son's a good guy. To see your dad up there, um, saying the things he did... But the worst thing was I put him up there to say that, you know? For not the wrong... for the wrong reasons, you know? And, um, um... He said beautiful things that day. He says them all the time, though. So, it's good. I was given a 6-month sentence with a 12-month parole period.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: He deserved to go to jail. He did. But he was in with a pretty rough breed, as a 19, 20-year-old. I think it changed him emotionally. I think it changed him psychologically. Probably not for the better. You know, not what a parent would want out of his child. I could see a sort of anger in Adam that was sort of manifested, I suppose, for the length of time he was in jail.

ADAM SUTTON: After I was released from prison, I wanted to get away, run away, so to speak, and be somewhere where I wasn't known. I travelled to some of the remotest parts of Australia working on fishing boats, pearling boats, mines, properties, on outback Aboriginal community stations. During that time I got involved with rodeos. That got in me. I'm whoo-hoo, like this. The thrill and the excitement and there was also that, um... that rough side. And that gave me that, you know, sort of that sense of accomplishment. After the rodeo had finished, you know, there's always cowgirls hanging around. And everyone's having a few drinks and everyone's got their girl, and "Where's yours, Adam?" you know, and you'd have to go and pick up for the night. A lot of times what I would do is go and get drunk, and have an excuse, go curl up in your swag and go pass out for the night. And then if anyone was sort of chasing you that night, you always had the cover of "Oh, I was pretty drunk and had to go to bed early," you know? I was sexually attracted to guys. I was always looking at them, you know. And I tried to get that out of my head. All the time. But we used to have the best times and muck around and mates, and, you know, "Ya, ya, ya!" And it was good. But I always knew that, "Hold on a minute. I'm looking at this person in the wrong sense," you know? "And it's not right." I remember times when I had that self-hatred in me about how I felt about possibly being gay. I totally didn't want to accept it. Some mates and I were at a pub one night playing pool, then realised that we were in a gay bar. I'd never met a gay person before, or never knew that I had anyway. My head was spinning. And I had a guy come and try to hit on me, and it took me back, but I thought, "I can't let this be right." And grabbed the poor guy's fingers and snapped them backwards. And...to prove a point to the people that I was with that "Hey, you don't do that to me." I started up my own horse business six or seven years ago, breaking in, pre-training horses, doing lessons. Sorting out people's problems with their horses and things. And they were my release of my love. But I held out hope within myself that somehow or other I'm going to find the passion in myself to be able to love a female correctly. And I did have ambitions and want to get married, have the family and live that life.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: He was always going out with different girls on a weekend. But there was never the thought of, "I'm staying over at this girl's place tonight." He always come home. So that was a bit of a worry, you know? Never come home first thing in the morning smelling of perfume or anything like that. I'd talk to him about, was there anything that maybe might have happened in jail that turned him around? But it was always an anger that came out. There was always sort of "No! There's nothing wrong with me. Why do you ask me?" So it was always a form of denial.

BARB SUTTON, MOTHER: And I plucked up the courage to ask him. I said, "Adam, are you gay?" "No, Mum, I'm not gay!" So he answered me in a way that I had no reason to doubt him.

LEAH SUTTON, SISTER: Every time somebody would say something to him, I said, "No way. He's not gay. He's not, he’s just not ready to have a girlfriend yet."

SALLY WRIGLEY, SISTER: "He's too busy with his horses." I remember saying that.

LEAH SUTTON, SISTER: I can remember Mum saying, "No, he's just..." If Adam was going to marry, "He's going to marry something with four legs and a tail."

ADAM SUTTON: Eventually I stopped riding rodeo, and after that, I picked up trick riding. And that was that next adrenaline rush, that next buzz. I've had quite a few accidents. It is dangerous.
In 2002 I was lucky enough to be recommended to go down and work on the feature film 'Ned Kelly' as a wrangler. Then it was just "Action, action." The actors come out for their lessons. Heath Ledger came out. We had Orlando Bloom out there. So it was our job to tighten their nuts and bolts and get them riding right. I became friends with Heath through riding and being on set every day. He's great. Really good. Pretty easygoing, down-to-earth sort of guy. And easy to get along with. I was also a bit of a larrikin on set. I burnt my face off and I bogged a truck. And there was always some drama. They were always the people, before I looked at it - they're 'arty-farty' - but the way they see things is different, and I think they were quite broad-minded people. It's very hard to be completely yourself sometimes. Because people have a stereotype of what you should be like. My mates, um, were all homophobic. And you overhear these conversations. You know, "poofter this" and "gay guys" and blah, blah. And they're downgraded and talked badly about. I was presenting them me, this happy person, but inside, it was dynamo inside. And it scared me as well. You know, that aggression. Because I knew that that wasn't part of me. It's not part of my nature at all.

ADAM SUTTON IN CAR TO FRIEND, LEIGH: Looking back now, that angry, violent, cranky person that I was could be set off with a hair trigger, you know?

ADAM SUTTON: I met with a good friend, Leigh, one afternoon, where it got to that bubbling point inside where it was like a volcano has got to pop.

ADAM SUTTON IN CAR TO FRIEND, LEIGH: I remember coming down here to this spot and talking to you about it that time and nearly pulling the dashboard off and kicking and screaming like a kid in a tantrum.

LEIGH MAULE, FRIEND: I could just see so much anger in him, and I started crying, and I said, "Adam, look, we really need to talk." He said, "Leigh, I'm in love." And I said, "Oh, Adam, that's so beautiful." You know. He said, "I'm in love for the first time." And I said, "Oh, you know, that's so special." And he said, "But Leigh, it's not with a...with a female."

ADAM SUTTON: She cuddled me and laughed and said, "What are you worried about?" Something along those lines. And told me it's all OK and, um you know, just loved me, give me a big cuddle, and told me, "It's all alright." And then, um, it felt so good. It felt so good.

ADAM SUTTON IN CAR: Parts of that aggression left me that day.

LEIGH MAULE IN CAR: You could stand taller. That was one of the words you said to me. So proud of you, yeah.

LEIGH MAULE, FRIEND: I was the first person he told and I knew for a couple of years before anyone else did and I knew one day that he would come out and tell his family but it was just his little steps that he had to take to get the courage.

ADAM SUTTON: The hardest thing for me was to tell my parents I was gay. And I knew in telling them I was going to hurt them. I came out to my sisters first. And they were pretty good. Shocked, I think. But also, they were happy for me. I told Mum. She broke instantly down into tears and, um, screamed at me and said, "No, you're not!" And I said, "Yeah. I think I am."

BARB SUTTON, MOTHER: I had this dreadful fear I was going to lose my son that I know. I just thought, "He's going to change. He's going to take on a new direction in his life. Things are never going to be the same again." That was my big fear. I did have trouble talking with Adam for a while. I think my struggle was the fact that I had asked him and he said no. And the way I interpreted that, Adam had been lying to me. We looked forward to having an heir to the name. Um, that whole family picture that you have.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: Barb's religious, and it was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. And I think it took a long time to sink in. I was hoping that maybe there would be a turnaround. Maybe he'd found romance in some other man that, as soon as that was over, he would turn back to being heterosexual again. But, you know, that's not to be.

ADAM SUTTON: It was a few years ago that Heath Ledger came back into town and he said, "I'm just reading a script and it's about a gay cowboy. It’s sort of like it's all about you." I was lucky enough to spend a bit of time on location with 'Brokeback Mountain', and it's an amazing movie. I could directly put myself in the shoes of those two people in that film. It was like my 'Brokeback Mountain' story, myself.

NEIL MCMAHON, JOURNALIST: I met Adam three years ago. When 'Brokeback' came out and had the impact that it did, I thought the great untold 'Brokeback' story was that Adam's friend Heath was pretending to play a gay cowboy, and he was the real one and they were mates, and nobody knew. The story ran on the front page of the paper two days before the Oscars when Heath was nominated for Best Actor. It flew off the shelves and was a 5-year sales record. I think what touched people was his courage. The fact that anyone would be willing to put themselves on the line to that extent.

ADAM SUTTON: Yeah, no, I was a bit apprehensive about it.

NEIL MCMAHON, JOURNALIST: Not as nervous as I was.

LEAH SUTTON, SISTER: Like, I was so proud. You know, I really was.

ADAM SUTTON: This will help other people, maybe, in that predicament that I went through.

NEIL MCMAHON, JOURNALIST: A lot of gay kids leave home. A lot of gay kids run far away. Some of them kill themselves. And I think for someone like Adam to stand up and do what he's done has got to have a huge impact on those kids out in the bush.

ADAM SUTTON: It's good that now that our family has got so much closer since it.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: This article coming out has really cleansed the whole thing.

ADAM SUTTON: For sure.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: It's drawn a final closure.

ADAM SUTTON: Mm. Yep. For sure. It's fantastic.

BARB SUTTON, MOTHER: It's very important.

ADAM SUTTON
: For us, for everybody involved with it, you know, it's really, really good.

NEIL MCMAHON, JOURNALIST: I think Adam's parents have a much better relationship with him now purely because it's based on honesty.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: There's a lot of regret that I feel that he had to lie. He had to sort of misinterpret his homosexuality. I wish I'd have been there for him more often in his adolescent years to help him through his troubled times. Give him somebody to talk to. Give him somebody to communicate with. I find more love from him now than I did then. And I only wish I could have been around him more often.

ADAM SUTTON: Dad is an inspiration to me. Without his help, without him in my life, I couldn't do what I do. I couldn't do it. There are no words that I can put on that man. He's unbelievable. I've developed an amazing group of gay friends now. And it's opened my eyes from the person I was a few years ago thinking they don't exist and we're all out there. To see the way that a group of friends care for each other and are there for each other, it's pretty unique. I have been in one serious relationship since I've came out. I'm not in a relationship now. But I do hope to find that partner in life, soulmate, best buddy... It's good for me to see couples like that. It's good to see that side of a relationship, living together, and how it works. The dynamics are a little different. But the concept of two people loving each other hasn't changed.

BARB SUTTON, MOTHER: I think the acceptances have taken place. I don't say I understand everything. But you love your children no matter what.

JOHN SUTTON, FATHER: Yeah, ultimately, I think Adam will find a soulmate that he can sort of settle down with. And that's one of the things we'll have to accept when it comes.

NEIL MCMAHON, JOURNALIST: I think Adam thought it would be a lot harder than it has been to live as a gay man in the bush. A group of us recently went to a country ball in a small town, and you wonder what the reaction’s going to be. There are a lot of people in society with extreme views on homosexuality who think gay people are perverts and deviants. But the reaction was amazing, nobody cared and they embraced us and we had a terrific night. I think the country has got to put up with Adam whether they like it or not. He's a country boy. He loves his horses, he loves the land, he loves the sky. And I could never see him going anywhere else.

ADAM SUTTON: I'm now putting myself in touch with my feelings and my emotions instead of arguing with them. And that has made me a braver, stronger person because I now trust in myself, what I think, what I think is right and what I think is wrong. There is a stereotype cowboy sort of person. That rough and rugged ready-to-go sort of type. And there's your stereotype gay person. And I know that I've now been able to combine the two and break both moulds. And I look back and I think how silly I was sometimes for maybe keeping those secrets and bottling them up inside. Now they're out, it's a wonderful feeling.
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2007, 02:48:05 pm »
Last one I promise, but I am just so moved by this young man's story




NEIL MCMAHON AND ADAM SUTTON HAVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY MET AT ARQ NIGHTCLUB THREE YEARS AGO. THIS YEAR THE MOVIE BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN PUT THEM BOTH IN THE PUBLIC SPOTLIGHT.


Adam Sutton, left, and Neil McMahon   
Photo: John Burfitt

Neil McMahon is a reporter for the Sydney Morning Herald. Three years ago, McMahon met horse trainer Adam Sutton at Arq nightclub, and the pair have been close friends ever since.

McMahon’s story in the Herald revealing Sutton as the friend of Heath Ledger who was a real-life inspiration for Ledger’s performance in the movie Brokeback Mountain has put both of them in the public spotlight ever since.

NEIL’S STORY

I am originally from Melbourne and began my career on the old Melbourne Sun when I was 17.

In 2001, I joined the Sydney Morning Herald as a sub, before moving into editing. In 2003, I went back into reporting, which is what I have been doing ever since.

I met Adam at Arq one night. It was the first time he had come to Sydney to go to a gay club and, when we met, we just hit it off and became mates.

People always ask if we were ever involved, and we never have been. We are just great mates and have a very close friendship.

As Adam told me more about his life, I never thought of telling his story. When Brokeback Mountain was released in America I was reading about how the New York Times had reporters running around Wyoming looking for real-life gay cowboys.

All I could think was “I have the real one here.” But I knew Adam would never agree to it.

My initial idea was to get Adam and Heath together when Heath was in Sydney for the opening of the movie as I thought Adam was the great untold story of Brokeback Mountain.

Heath and Adam were mates and when Heath first read Brokeback Mountain, he said to Adam “I have just read this script and it is all about you.”

I went with Adam to see the movie and, afterwards, he poured his heart out about how the story felt so close to his own life. I asked him then if he wanted to tell his story and, to my surprise, he said yes.

The original plan was I was going to set it up and let someone else write it. But after discussing it, I realised he wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else, so it would be better if I did it.

The personal stuff Adam told me about his life amazed even me. It turned out to be the hardest thing I have ever done.

When it ran on the morning of this year’s Mardi Gras on the front page of the Herald, all I could think was “what have I done?”

But the reaction was phenomenal and universally positive. The phone rang all weekend and I realised then we had done a good thing.

The Monday after, the people from Australian Story rang to say they wanted to tell his story, and we had interest from book publishers as well. We said initially we would do this once and once only, but then everything else happened.

On Australian Story, I essentially came out on TV as well, and it didn’t really faze me as I figured if Adam had the balls to do what he had done in a far more intensely personal way, then the rest of us couldn’t sit on the sidelines.

The Australian Story people were so great and we had no doubt it would be beautifully handled.

I sat with the Suttons watching the TV that night, and 30 seconds after it screened, the phone rang and it didn’t stop all night.

Some callers were complete strangers just ringing in to say thank you for such a beautiful, honest story. Then the Australian Story website went nuts with messages. It just had such an impact on people.

I am now about to start work with Adam on the book and it has to be delivered in September and while I have never written a book before, it is such a lovely topic, I now can’t wait to start.

I never got to the point that I thought we had to stop all this, as it has all been positive. Even people coming up on the street have wanted to talk about it. And Adam has handled it all with so much dignity.

ADAM’S STORY

One night, I went to a gay club on the Central Coast and met a gay couple who offered to bring me to Sydney to go to Arq with them. I wasn’t out to my family or friends and I had no idea of all this in Sydney – it just never went through my head.

When I met Neil at Arq, I picked him up and threw him off the dancefloor. Then we got chatting. I remember sitting upstairs on a couch that night, telling Neil what I was trying to cope with. I just knew I had feelings that were getting harder to ignore.

I slowly started to tell him things I had done. He is not like anyone else I have ever met. He is the kind of person who listens and hears what you are saying.

He has been genuinely there for me and helped me. And as he helped me, I unfolded a bit more and became a little more relaxed about everything.

Watching Brokeback Mountain was like watching a replay of my life, and I was also watching someone I know playing the part. Afterwards, I felt better and I knew I was not alone.

At the time we threw around, do we or don’t we tell my story? Then I decided to do it. Brokeback had brought tonnes to the surface and, while it is a movie, I knew I could tell something along those same lines.

I knew Neil is the only person who could tell this story as he is the only one I have told things from my childhood right through.

When I am talking to Neil, I am not talking to a journalist, I am talking to a mate. I would not have done it without him and I would not have been comfortable telling it with anyone else.

The day the story came out, I read the paper quickly and then I spent all day working with the horses. I read it again at the end of the day. I won’t say it didn’t matter to me, but it took a long time for the depth of it all to sink in.

I remember when my dad read it, he was in tears and said “I just learnt things about you I never knew.” But I learnt things about myself too.

When Australian Story arrived at home, I had to take note of not just what I thought of it, but the lives of my mum, dad and sisters too. It was a big thing for them as well.

It was only when I read all the letters on the Australian Story website that I realised the depth of what we had done.

Now we are about to work on the book and it is no problem for me. As it is things I have done and bridges I have walked over, I can tell it with confidence and pride.

I trust Neil and I know he has an opinion about what I tell him, but not with judgment. I think it should be out on an even playing field that everyone can understand.

When the Lord shuts the door somewhere, he opens a window, and you really have to start following that chain. And that is what we are doing.

Interviews by John Burfitt
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2007, 02:56:17 pm »
Adam's Book is out

SAY IT OUT LOUD,  The journey of a real cowboy 
by Adam Sutton / Neil McMahon 
 

Heres the link to Random House Australia for content and reviews http://www.randomhouse.com.au/Books/Default.aspx?Page=Book&ID=9781741665451


Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2007, 03:08:25 pm »




Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline fernly

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #7 on: April 15, 2007, 03:18:09 pm »
Quote
....wonderful, sad, beautiful and uplifiting...

That's exactly what these articles are, as is his life. Thanks so much for posting them, Dot!
on the mountain flying in the euphoric, bitter air

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #8 on: April 15, 2007, 10:46:52 pm »
That's exactly what these articles are, as is his life. Thanks so much for posting them, Dot!


You are very welcome fernly.  I am so pleased that some folks have found them as moving as I have.  I'm going to see if my bookseller can get me a copy of Adams book  :D
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Offline belbbmfan

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2007, 02:29:16 am »
wonderful, sad, beautiful and uplifiting article  :)



That's exactly what these articles are, as is his life. Thanks so much for posting them, Dot!


Yes, fernly, I agree. I found this story very moving too. I hope he can find 'that sweet life', I think he will...

And what a beautiful picture of Adam and his horse! Just great.

Thank you for posting this article Dot!  :)
'We're supposed to guard the sheep, not eat 'em'

Offline Ellemeno

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #10 on: April 16, 2007, 12:42:42 pm »
Thanks, Dot!  I remember when Leslie posted this last May.  You found some great photos to include in this thread.  Let's banner it!
« Last Edit: April 16, 2007, 01:04:14 pm by Ellemeno »

Offline j.U.d.E.

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #11 on: April 16, 2007, 06:16:30 pm »


So sweet! I haven't read the whole thread yet, but will!

j. U. d. E.
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Offline Artiste

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #12 on: April 19, 2007, 02:40:34 pm »
I want to know WHY he used to fight physically, even hurting, the ones he talked/saw with in gay bars he used to see before or as he was accepting himself as a gay man??

May I know WHY ??

Can you answer me?

Hugs!!

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #13 on: April 19, 2007, 07:06:55 pm »
Thanks, Dot!  I remember when Leslie posted this last May.  You found some great photos to include in this thread.  Let's banner it!

Wow!  We've been bannered!  Thanks Ellemeno.  :-*
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Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #14 on: April 19, 2007, 07:09:19 pm »
I want to know WHY he used to fight physically, even hurting, the ones he talked/saw with in gay bars he used to see before or as he was accepting himself as a gay man??

May I know WHY ??

Can you answer me?

Hugs!!

I won't pretend to really know why this happens and my guess is the reasons are varied and many but I've heard of it happening time and time again. Seems to me it's part of the self loathing, lashing out at what they see of themselves in the other person, the part of themselves they hate.  It all seems to be born from that and severe frustration.
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Offline Artiste

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Re: Meet Heath's mate, the real gay cowboy
« Reply #15 on: April 19, 2007, 08:49:04 pm »
That is no reason to beat up another because the other person is gay, as he knew that ahead of time!!

May I say!

Thanks dot-matrix!

Note: that is one reason of many why I talk about anti-violence!!