I feel a lot of ambivalence about my mother and I think many people feel the same way. How can you possibly do justice to a person who has given so much, to whom you literally owe your life? And thus we often develop a complicated set of feelings which may easily include resentment and downright hostility. So, I will honor and try to emulate the First Mother, the mother of all mothers. She may be called Mother Nature, or Demeter, or something else, but I like to think of her as Mary. The Mary that Michelangelo sculpted who sits in St. Peter's Cathedral with the body of Jesus on her lap. To me she represents unconditional love, the pure and limitless love that sees the potential in her child and empowers that child to live his or her dream. That is what I aspire to in being a mother and, though I know I'll fall far short, I want to get as close as I can. I know I can do it because somewhere back in the early days of my life I had that experience with my mother. I know it because I feel its loss and its absence and I just want to be there again, even if it's in a dream or in death.
A little story about my son. When he was about two years old, my son decided that he'd like to put his clothes on by himself. The only trouble was that he was trying to put on his shorts while climbing up the stairs at the same time. Finally, he gave up and collapsed on the stairstep, crying out, "Hard do, Mommy!" I told him, "You can do hard things" and I picked him up and put him at the bottom of the stairs where he finished dressing and was very proud of himself. To this day, I tell my 15 year old son, "You can do hard things" and he can!!
