I Love Funny Country Songs!!

[injest]

to start off!! A nice sexist one....yes, I am a hypocrite!! LOL!!

Artist/Band: Byrd Tracy
Lyrics for Song: The Truth About Men
Lyrics for Album: Truth About Men
(Tim Johnson/Rory Lee/Paul Overstreet)

We don't like to go out shoppin',
We don't care what's on sale.
We just want to sit with a bag full of chips,
Watchin' the NFL.
When you come over at half-time,
An' say: "Does this dress fit too tight?"
We just look you in the eye with a big fat lie,
An say:"Uh, uh: Looks just right."

Well, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about us.
We like to hunt and golf on our days off,
Scratch, an' spit, an cuss.
It don't matter what line we hand you,
When we come draggin' in.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.

We hate watchin' "Steel Magnolias".
We like "Rambo" an' "Die Hard 4".
Jump up and down like fools when we see the new tools,
At the Home Depot store.
We don't really wanna take you to dinner,
At some fancy restaurant.
The only reason we do is 'cause we know it leads to,
The one thing that we all want.

Well, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about guys.
We'd rather play guitars and work on cars,
Than work on the problems in our lives.
An' though we might say it to you,
Every now and then,
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.

Well, if you want to know what we're all thinkin',
It's nothing too complex.
It's just somethin' cold for drinkin',
And a whole lot of s-e......

Yes, that's the truth about men.
Yeah, that's the truth about us.
We like to hunt and golf an' drive around, lost,
Scratch, an' spit, an' a whole lot of other disgustin' stuff.
It don't matter what line we hand you,
When we come a-crawlin' in.
We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen again.

We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen;
Sure, it's gonna happen;
You know it's gonna happen again.
An' that's the truth about men.

You know it, son.

[injest]

Frog Kissing

Do you remember in the fairy tales,
how the wicked witch's spell
changed the handsome prince to a toad,
through thepower of a potion,
she handed him the notion,
 he was lower than the dirt in theroad,
and though she left him green and warted,
her evil plan was thwarted,
when there chanced to happen by a young miss,
who in spite of his complexion, offered her affection,
and broke the wicked curse with her kiss.

Chorus - Well if you've never been frog kissing,
then you don't know what you've been missing,
there's a world of opportunity under each and every log,
 if you've never been a charm breaker,
if you've never been a handsome prince maker,
just slow down, turn around,
bend down and kiss you a frog.

Once upon a time ago,
 I was down and feeling low,
like a lonely frog in a pond,
life was just a joke, and I was very near a croaking,
 I was zapped by life's wicked wand,
then in the depth of my depression,
there came a true expression,
 of a love from a lady so sweet,
she gave me warm fuzzy feelings, feelings that were healing,
and knocked me off my little web feet.

Chorus

There's a happy ever after land,
 deep within the heart of man,
where a prince or princess abides,
 but all we get are glimpses of the
handsome prince or princess,
cause they're covered by a green warty hide,
 and though they're full of life's potential,
they're lacking one essential,
to enable them to shine like a star,
and that's to have some guy or misses cover them with kisses,
 and love them while they're just like they are.

And that's the secret of frog kissing,
and you can do it too if you just listen,
 just slow down, turn around,
bend down and kiss you a frog.


I love this song...especially that part in green. I believe that...

Roland If you have THIS song I would like to have it!! 

[injest]

The Mermaid Song

When I was a lad in a fishing town
  My old man said to me:
"You can spend your life, your jolly life
  Sailing on the sea.
You can search the world for pretty girls
  Til your eyes grow weak and dim,
But don't go fishing for a mermaid, son
  If you don't know how to swim"


'Cause her hair is green as seaweed
Her skin is blue and pale
and you'll love that girl with all my heart
but you'llI only like the upper part
You will not like the tail


So I signed aboard of a whaling ship
  And my very first day at sea
I seen a mermaid in the sea,
  Reaching out for me
"Come live with me in the sea said she,
  Down on the ocean floor
And I'll show you many's a wonderous thing
  That you've never seen before


So over I jumped and she pulled me down,
  Down to her seaweed bed
A pillow made of tortoise-shell
  She placed beneath my head
She fed me shrimp and caviar
  Upon a silver dish
From her head to her waist was just to my taste
  But the rest of her was a fish


'Cause ...


Then one day, she swam away
  So I sang to the clams and the whales
"Oh, how I miss her seagreen hair
  And the silvery shine of her scales
Then her sister, she swam by
  And set my heart awhirl
From her head to her waist was an ugly fish
  But the bottom part was a girl!!!


oh her toes were pink and rosy
Her knees were smooth and pale
 and I loved that girl with all my heart
I Don't give a damn about the upper top
and that's how I end my tale!

Now tell me how rap music is worse!! tsk tsk!! and this came out in the 70s!!! Just TERRIBLE!! 

[delalluvia]

The Mississippi Squirrel Revival

Well, when I was a kid I'd take a trip every summer down the Mississippi
To visit my granny in her antebellum world
I'd run barefooted all day long, climbin' trees free as a song
And one day I happened to catch myself a squirrel.
Well, I stuffed him down in an old shoe box, punched a couple of holes in the top
And when Sunday came I snuck him into church.

I was sittin' way back in the very last pew showin' him to my good buddy Hugh
when that squirrel got loose and went totally berserk.
Well, what happened next is hard to tell
Some thought it was heaven others thought it was hell
But the fact that Something was among us was plain to see.

As the choir sang "I Surrender All" the squirrel ran up Harv Newlan's coveralls
Harv leaped to his feet and said, "Somethin's got a hold on me", Yeow!

Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well, Harv hit the aisles dancin' and screamin'
Some thought he had Religion, others thought he had a demon
And Harv thought he had a weedeater loose in his Fruit-Of-The-Looms
He fell to his knees to plead and beg and the squirrel ran out of his britches leg
Unobserved to the other side of the room.

All the way down in the Amen Pew sat Sister Bertha Better-Than-You
Who'd been watchin' all the commotion with sadistic glee.
But you should've seen the look in her eyes
When that squirrel jumped her garters and crossed her thighs.
She jumped to her feet and said "Lord have mercy on me!"

As the squirrel made laps inside her dress
She began to cry and then to confess to sins that would make a sailor blush with shame.
She told of gossip and church dissension but the thing that got the most attention
Was when she talked about her love life and then she started naming names!

Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In that sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They were jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

Well, seven deacons and the pastor got Saved,
Twenty-five thousand dollars was raised and fifty volunteered
For missions in the Congo on the spot.
Even without an invitation there were at least five hundred Rededications
And we all got rebaptized whether we needed it or not.

Now you've heard the bible story, I guess
How He parted the waters for Moses to pass.
Oh, the miracles God has wrought in this old world
But the one I'll remember 'til my dyin' day
Is how he put that church back on the narrow way
With a half crazed Mississippi squirrel.

Chorus

    The day the squirrel went berserk
    In the First Self-Righteous Church
    In the sleepy little town of Pascagoula
    It was a fight for survival that broke out in revival
    They was jumpin' pews and shoutin' Hallelujah!

[SFEnnisSF]

Artist/Band: Byrd Tracy
Lyrics for Song: The Truth About Men
Lyrics for Album: Truth About Men
(Tim Johnson/Rory Lee/Paul Overstreet)

We ain't wrong; we ain't sorry,
An' it's probably gonna happen;
Sure, it's gonna happen;
You know it's gonna happen again.
An' that's the truth about men.

'S true!  And I love this song! 


How about:

Joe Nichols - Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off 

She said I'm going out with my girlfriends
Maguaritas at the Holiday Inn
Oh Mercy ... My only thought
Was Tequila makes her clothes fall off

I told her pur an extra layer on
I know what happens when she drinks the Trone
Her closets missing half the things she bought
Tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink

Them pantyhose ain't gonna last too long
If the D J puts Bon Jovi on
She might come home in a tablecloth
Tequila makes her clothes fall off

She can handle any Champaigne Brunch
Bridal Shower with Bacardi Punch
Jello Shooter full of Smirnoff...
But Tequila makes her clothes fall off

She'll start by kicking out of her shoes
Lose an earring in her drink
Leave her jacket in the bathroom stall
Drop a contact down the sink

She don't mean nothing
She's just having fun
Tomorrow she'll say
Oh what have I done
Her friends will joke about the stuff she lost
Cause Tequila makes her clothes fall off
Oh Tequila makes her clothes fall off

Tequila makes her clothes fall off

[Jeff Wrangler]

Tequila makes her clothes fall off

What about you, Eric? Tequila make your clothes fall off? 

[SFEnnisSF]

What about you, Eric? Tequila make your clothes fall off? 

Wanna find out in Estes Park?     

[Jeff Wrangler]

What about you, Eric? Tequila make your clothes fall off? 

Wanna find out in Estes Park?     

 

[injest]

*Jeff rushing out to stock up on tequila, salt, and lime*

[injest]

Uncle Hirams Homemade Beer

Now I was just a boy at the time
When this drinkin' Uncle Hiram of mine
Decided to make up a batch of homemade beer
"Don't tell a soul", he said to me
"But I've come across this recipe
That says for pennies a day I can drink all year"
So I searched the alleys behind the bars
For empty jugs and mason jars
Then we sneaked 'em down to his basement brewery
He measured out yeast and the sugar and the hops
And he said to me as we sealed the tops
"For Goodness sake don't tell your Aunt Marie
'Cause she'd say":

Chorus:
Hey there Hiram, what's goin' on down there
There's some peculiar odor comin' up the basement stairs
Go back to your sewin' Hon' - I'm varnishin' a chair
The time my Uncle Hiram made his famous homemade beer

Well we let it set for a month or so
Then me and Uncle sneaked down below
A-figurin' it was time to give it a try
I was standin' there at the foot of the stairs
And Uncle Hiram was a-checkin' the wares
When all of a sudden two bottles just blew sky high
The jars went crash and the lids went clunk
And Hiram dived behind a trunk
As the beer begain to spew out on the floor
Uncle yelled "Don't mind me, save yourself!"
So fast as I could I ran up the stairs
The out of breath I quickly slammed the door
Aunt Marie came cryin' "What is it dear?"
I said "It's Uncle's homemade beer
It's a blowin' up and got Uncle trapped down there"
She said "Beer beer - Well I'll declare
Hiram you come up out of there!"
But the sound of explodin' beer was all we could hear

Chorus

Well it sounded like a war for a day and a night
The bottles just blew up left and right
Till finally we just heard one here and there
So Aunt Marie took a comforter
And holdin' it up in the front of her
With me behind, we started off down the stairs
Well the place was a mess to say the least
The walls were sticky and smelled like yeast
The glass and the lids and the beer lay all around
It had been quite a battle there was no doubt
But when we began to look about
Uncle Hiram was nowhere to be found
Aunty cried out "Hiram - Oh poor dear
He's been killed by a jar of beer
I warned him of drink but he never listens to me!"
Then up came the lid on the antique trunk
And there soaked in beer blind runnin' drunk
Was the late-lamented love of Aunt Marie's
He said "Rather than see it all go to waste
I decided I might as well have a little taste
Reckon I've tased about forty-three jars of beer
Ya'all can just go on 'cause I'm stayin' right here"

Chorus