Author Topic: I Love Funny Country Songs!!  (Read 23368 times)

Offline loneleeb3

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #40 on: June 07, 2007, 09:07:03 am »
This one is really funny but has explicit lyrics!
So if your easily offended dont read any further.............

A Letter to my Penis
Rodney Carrington

Dear Penis,
I don't think I like you anymore,
You used to watch me shave,
Now all u do is stare at the floor.
Oh dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.

It used to be you and me,
A paper towel, and a dirty magazine,
That's all we needed to get by.
Now it seems things have changed,
I think that you're the one to blame.
Dear Penis,
I don't like you anymore.

Now he sings,

Dear Rodney,
I don't think I like you anymore,
'Cause when u get to drinkin'
You put me places I've never been before.
Dear Rodney,
I dont like you anymore.

Why can't we just get a grip,
On our man to hand relationship.
Come to terms with truly how we feel.
If we put our heads together,
We'd just stay home forever.
Dear Penis,
I think I like you after all.

Oh and Rodney,
While yer shavin',
Shave my balls.
"The biggest obstacle to most of us achieving our dreams isn't reality, it's our own fear"

"Saint Paul had his Epiphany on the road to Damascus, Mine was on Brokeback Mountain"

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #41 on: June 09, 2007, 06:54:03 pm »
Well I love her
But I love to fish
I spend all day out on this lake
And hell is all I catch
Today she met me at the door
Said I would have to choose
If I hit that fishin' hole today
She'd be packin' all her things
And she'd be gone by noon

Well I'm gonna miss her
When I get home
But right now I'm on this lakeshore
And I'm sittin' in the sun
I'm sure it'll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
That I'm gonna miss her
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite

Now there's a chance that if I hurry
I could beg her to stay
But that water's right
And the weather's perfect
No tellin' what I might catch today

Well I'm gonna miss her
When I get home
But right now I'm on this lakeshore
And I'm sittin' in the sun
I'm sure it'll hit me
When I walk through that door tonight
That I'm gonna miss her
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite

Yeah, I'm gonna miss her
Oh, lookie there, I've got a bite


  this is a pretty new one by Brad Paisley...



     Beautiful mind

Offline delalluvia

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #42 on: October 30, 2007, 10:19:48 pm »
"I got me a woman,
she's a pretty good woman at that.
We live with a monkey and a Chinese acrobat.
She calls me 'Tex' and makes me wear a cowboy hat.
But I don't care 'cause she's a pretty good woman at that.


Nuthin' gonna make me treat my woman mean.
She trims my beard, she keeps my tractor clean.
She cooks my food and serves me turnip greens.
Yeah, I know that she's the best little woman I seen.

Refrain
Some folks go to heaven, some folks stay in Tennesse.
I don't care where I"m headed, just as long as that
woman stays with me.

I like nuthin' better than to spend my nights at home.
And listen to my baby, play her slide trombone.
She talks in tongues, and boy that turns me on.
I know she's the best little woman aroun'.

Refrain
Some folks go to heaven, , some folks stay in Tennesse.
I don't care where I"m headed, lawd, just as long as that
woman stays with me."

John Anderson, I got me a woman
« Last Edit: November 03, 2007, 08:01:01 pm by delalluvia »

Offline ffrn

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #43 on: November 01, 2007, 08:07:29 am »


SINCE CHERYL WENT FERAL
Jim Haynes

Watching 60 minutes one night
As soon as it was over we got into a fight
Because Cheryl said alternative was the way to go
And the very next day she bought a sarong
A sheepskin jacket and a brand new bong
And before I knew it we hit the road

Since Cheryl went feral
Everything's weird
And all our friends have disappeared
She shaved her head and I've grown a beard
Since Cheryl went feral

It took us ages to hitch our way
From Pennant Hills up to Byron Bay
If we left those kids at home we'd have been alright
Well living off the land is all very well
But the mungbean diet was giving me hell
And I had to put that wigwam up each night

Since Cheryl went feral
Everything's crook
And all our food is now uncooked
I'd kill for a burger or a piece of chook
Since Cheryl went feral

Our little girl was called Narelle
And we had a little boy named Bruce as well
But now she's Crystal Flower and he's Leaf
But Leaf's pretty happy since we left home
Because he hasn't seen a bath or a shower or a comb
And it's been three months since he brushed his teeth

Since Cheryl went feral
Everything's changed
And I'm quite sure I've become deranged
And I can't remember anyone's name
Since Cheryl went feral

Cheryl took a vow of celibacy
She said she needed no input from me
She got her navel pierced and stared at it all day long
So I read the tarot with Leaf and Flower
And dreamed about a nice cold shower
While I waited for my turn on the bong

Since Cheryl went feral
Everything's pierced
Rings through me nose and rings through me ears
I haven't been this pierced for years
Since Cheryl went feral

I began to change me tune
As soon as we joined that big commune
And everyone took their clothes off straight away
Their cosmic philosophy appealed to me
It's multiple serial polygamy
And I think the feral lifestyle's here to stay

Since Cheryl went feral
There's a real traffic jam
Of naked women in our wigwam
And I'm pretty happy right where I am
Since Cheryl went feral

For those non-Aussies reading this, chook = chicken, crook = ill, substandard or not right, Pennant Hills is a very respectable suburb of Sydney and Byron Bay is a major town in the hippie heartland on the far north coast of NSW.

About 10 years ago, the leader of one of our minor political parties was named Cheryl.  Much to everyone's amazement, she suddenly defected to join one of the two major political parties.  The radio stations took great delight in referring to the defection as Cheryl going feral and this song was played regularly.

Offline jstephens9

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #44 on: November 01, 2007, 01:22:33 pm »
The words to the song are humourous in themselves. However, the real funny part, is that when I worked in a record store religious people would come in asking for that religious song "Heavens Just A Sin Away" and they were being serious.


Heavens Just A Sin Away

Heaven's just a sin away oh oh just a sin away
I can't wait another day I think I'm giving in
How I long to hold you tight oh oh be with you tonight
That still don't make it right cause I belong to him

Oh way down deep inside I know that it's all wrong
Your eyes keep tempting but I never was that strong
Devil's got me now oh oh gone and got me now
I can't find him anyhow I'm think he's gonna win
Heaven's just a sin away oh oh just a sin away
Heaven help me when I say I think I'm giving in

Oh way down deep inside...
Think I'm giving in think I'm giving in

Offline jstephens9

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #45 on: November 01, 2007, 01:24:52 pm »
Tennessee Bird Walk

Take away the trees and the birds
All have to sit upon the ground, umm
Take away their wings and
The birds will have to walk to get around
And take away the bird baths
And dirty birds will soon be ev'rywhere
Take away their feathers and
The birds will walk around in underwear
Take away their chirp and the
Birds will have to whisper when they sing
And take away their common sense and
They'll be headed southward in the spring

Oh, remember me, my darling
When spring is in the air
And the bald headed birds
Are whisp'rin' ev'rywhere
When you see them walking
Southward in their dirty underwear
That's Tennessee Bird Walk

How about some trees so the birds
Won't have to sit upon the ground, umm
How about some wings so the
Birds won't have to walk to get around
And how about a bird bath or two
so the birds will all be clean
How about some feathers so their
Underwear no longer can be seen
How about a chirp so the birds
Won't have to whisper when they sing
And how about some common sense so they
Won't be blocking traffic in the spring

Oh, remember me, my darling
When spring is in the air
And the bald headed birds
Are whisp'rin' ev'rywhere
When you see them walking
Southward in their dirty underwear
That's Tennessee Bird Walk

Offline jstephens9

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #46 on: November 01, 2007, 01:36:14 pm »
Loretta Lynn Fist City
 
A you've been makin' your brags around town
That you've been a lovin' my man
But the man I love, when he picks up trash
He puts it in a garbage can
And that's what a you look like to me
And what I see's a pity
Close your face and stay outta my way
If ya don't wanna go to fist city
If ya don't wanna go to fist city
Ya better detour around my town
'Cause I'll grab you by the hair a the head
And I'll lift a you off a the ground
I'm not a sayin' my baby's a saint 'cause he ain't
N' that he won't cat around with a kitty
I'm here to tell ya gal to lay offa my man
If ya don't wanna go to fist city
Come on and tell me what you told my friends
If you think you're brave enough
And I'll show you what a real woman is
Since you think you're hot stuff
You'll bite off more than you can chew
If you get to cute or witty
You better move your feet
If you don't wanna eat
A meal that's called fist city
If you don't wanna go to fist city
You better detour around my town
'Cause I'll grab you by the hair a the head
And I'll lift you offa the ground
I'm not a sayin' my baby's a saint 'cause he ain't
N' that he won't cat around with a kitty
I'm here to tell ya gal to lay offa my man
If ya don't wanna go to fist city
I'm here to tell ya gal to lay offa my man
If ya don't wanna go to fist city


 

Offline jstephens9

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #47 on: November 01, 2007, 01:46:12 pm »
What It Was, Was Football by Andy Griffith

It was back last October, I believe it was. We was a-goin’ t’ hold
a tent service in this college town.
And we got thar about dinnertime on Saturday And different ones
of us thought we ought to get us a mouthful to eat before
that we set up the tent.
And so, we got down off of the truck and followed this little bunch of
people through this small little bitty patch of woods.
And we come up on a big sign, says “Get somethin’ to eat here!”

And I went up and got me two hot dogs and a big Orange drink.
And before I could take ary mouthful of that food this whole raft of
people come up around me
and got me to where I couldn’t eat nothin’ up like—
and I dropped my big Orange drink. I did!

Well friends, they commenced to move and they wasn’t so much
I could do except to move with ‘em.
Well, we commenced to go through all kinds of doors and gates
and I don’t know what all, and I looked up over one of ‘em
and it says “North Gate”, and we kept on a-goin’ through there,
and pretty soon we come up on a young boy.
And he says “Ticket, please…” And I says “Friend, I don’t have a ticket.
I don’t even know where it is that I’m a-goin’.” I did!

Well he says “Come out as quick as you can.”
And I says “I’ll do ‘er—I’ll turn around the first chance I get.”
Well, we kept on a-movin’ through there and pretty soon everyone
got where it was that they was a’goin’ because they parted
and I could see pretty good. I could!

And what I seen was this whole raft a people a-settin’ on these
two banks and a-lookin’ at one another acrosst this purty little
green cow pasture! Well, they was! And somebody had took
and drawed white lines all over it and drove posts in it and
I don’t know what all! And I looked down there and I seen
five or six convicts a-runnin’ up and down and a-blowin’ whistles!
They was!

And then I looked down there and I seen these pretty girls
a-wearin’ these little bitty short dresses and a-dancin’ around,
an’ so I set down and thought I’d see what it was that was
a-gonna happen. I did!

And about the time I got set down good, I looked down there
and I seen thirty or forty men come a-runnin’ out of one end
of a great big outhouse down there! They did!
An’ everybody where I was a-settin’ got up and hollered!
And about that time thirty or forty come a-runnin out of the
other end of that outhouse and the other bank full—
THEY got up and hollered!
An’ I asked this feller that was a-settin’ beside me, I says
“Friend, what is it that they’re a-hollerin’ for?”
Well he whopped me on the back and he says
“Buddy, have a drink!”
Well, I says “I believe I will have another big Orange.”
An’ I got it and set back down.
An’ when I got back down there again, I seen that them men
had got in two little bitty bunches down there.
They had—real close together--and they voted! They did!

They voted and elected one man apiece.
And them two men come out in the middle of that cow pasture
and shook hands like they hadn’t seen one another in a long time.
And then a convict come over to where they was a-standin’ an’ he
took out a quarter and they commenced to odd-man right there!
They did!

Well, after a while I seen what it was that they was a-odd-mannin’ for.
It was that both bunches-full of them men wanted this funny-lookin’
little punkin to play with! They did, and I know friends that they
couldn’t-a eat it ‘ cause they kicked it the whole evenin’
and it never busted!

But anyhow what I was a-tellin’ was that both bunches-full wanted
that thang and one bunch got it an’ it made the other bunch
just as mad as they could be and friends I seen that evenin’
the awfullest fight that I’d ever seen in my life!
I did! They would run at one another and kick one another
and throw one another down and stomp on one another
and grind their feet in one another and I don’t know what all!
And just as fast as one would get hurt they’d tote him off
and run another’n on!

Well, they done that as long as I set there but pretty soon
this boy that had said “Ticket please…” he come up to me and
he says “Friend, you’re gonna have to leave because it is that
you don’t have a ticket.” And I says “Well, alright…” an’ I got up
an’ left. An’ I don’t know, friends, until this day what it was that they
was a-doin’ down there, but I have studied about it, and I think it’s
some kindly of a contest where they see which bunch-full of them
men can take that punkin an’ run from one end of that cow pasture
to the other’n without either gettin’ knocked down—
‘er steppin’ in somethin’ !

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #48 on: November 01, 2007, 02:10:13 pm »

      ------Ray Stevens

Anytime you look at funny Country songs you have to listen to Mr Stevens...

Mississippi Revival Squirrel
The Streak
Its me again Margaret
Ahab the Arab
Along came Jones
The Shriners Convention

They are all classics,,,I love them...they will make you laugh out loud...




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Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: I Love Funny Country Songs!!
« Reply #49 on: November 01, 2007, 03:23:29 pm »
Where, oh where, are you tonight?
Why did you leave me, here all alone?
I searched the world over
and I thought I'd found true love.
You met another,
and  :P you were gone. ...
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.