Friends, my "search" skills are pretty p*ss-poor, so if the original "Cowboy Etiquette" thread exists somewhere archived here on Bettermost, I haven't found it, and I apologize for the possible repetition.
But with the barbecue coming up later this month, and the Alberta Pilgrimage this summer, I thought it was time for a refresher on certain points of Cowboy Etiquette that we can learn from
Brokeback Mountain. 
Here is a list of some of the gems that I copied and saved:
Doffed hats should be placed on knee farthest from campfire.
No more than three swigs before passing whiskey bottle.
Sauteed Elk should be well salted.
Always refer to cigarettes as "smokes."
When at home, place no more than six empty beer bottles on any one horizontal surface; repeat until all available surfaces are filled.
When greeting a friend after a long absence, carefully knock off his hat before pressing him against nearest wall.
Three words: Lean. Against. EVERYTHING.
When tucking in back of shirt, stick hand waayyy down back of pants.
When tying knots or conducting other business requiring two hands, place 3/4 burnt cigarette in mouth and squint.
Color of cowboy hat and horse should differ lest one appear too "matchy." Black hat with palomino, or white hat with roan mare are acceptable.
When deciding whether to accept a proposal of romantic union, it is acceptable to allow at least twenty years for the decision.
When lassoing friend, apply lariat from the front. Lassoing from behind may lead to fisticuffs.
Do not remove price tag from creel case.
Initial postcards are more properly addressed to General Delivery; it is polite to send postcards directly to residence only after the first assignation.
Remove all clothing, including cowboy hat, before leaping from cliff.
Always bring toothbrush on camping trips for those unexpected exchanges of saliva.
Real men watch televised figure skating rather than football on Thanksgiving.
When someone offers to help clear dinner table, it is impolite to accuse them of buggery, even if you have reason to believe it true.
Don't order no soup.
When travelling to consummate a long-delayed tryst, redlining is permitted.
When streaking out the door with boyfriend, it is most cordial to offer wife some smokes.
Wine should be well aged before proposing a toast to one's little girl's impending marriage.
For emphasis, it is considered quite useful to insert invective in one's beloved's name.
Be sure to choose carefully which back pocket to tuck your work gloves in. Remember - righty tighty, lefty loosey.
When guests are seated at your table, it is best to use a cup for spitting.
Consider removing any harmonicas from back pocket before mounting horse with low startle point.
Be able to catch carelessly tossed objects (watches, keys, etc.) on command.
Ride bulls as frequently as possible to avoid being drafted into the Army.
It is impolite to observe mountaintop sex acts through powerful binoculars without prior warning.
Referring to a man as a "pissant" in front of his wife should in no way be construed as rude.
One can most clearly indicate fondest affection by casting aspersions on the other's harmonica playing.
It’s perfectly acceptable to have sex fully clothed, just slip down pants a little. Keep boots on all the time.
After drinking, rough sex is preferable to "hearts and flowers" style sex. It’s cool to grab your partner by the collar and force 'im into position.
Its considered good form to say "gun's going off" at the appropriate time as a courtesy to your partner. Then you both may go to sleep.
Make full use of spit and clear slick--especially when you suddenly realize you're hot for your best friend.
When working as a herder, all underwear should be avoided to allow for quicker access as well as to steer clear of those worrisome "boxer lines."
All open wounds should be doused with hot water applied by a dirty bandana.
In case you can't grow sideburns, apply Brillo pads to face.
Cowboys from Texas don't drink coffee.
Politely tip hat to lover's wife and ask about the children before rushing off for hot sex in a motel.
Look both ways before slamming your long lost love against the wall for serious tongue wrestling. Remember to keep clothes on when making out in the parking lot.
If one says one is "goin' fishin'," be sure to drop the creel case in the river upon arrival to get it wet. Check for notes from suspicious wife.
It's considered offensive to perform music on broken instruments in the presence of other cowboys.
When really pissed - spit.
When entertaining advances from a fellow cowboy, make sure your respective wives are powdering their noses and be certain to keep your legs spread as wide as humanly possible.
Instead of coming out when confronted by your heartbroken wannabe girlfriend, push a favored variety of pie around your plate and say something snide about her rebound beau in a hostile tone of voice.
A cowboy must only dance with his head tilted down, eyes firmly on the floor. The proper technique to dance with a pushy woman is to use one arm to keep her at arm's length, and the other arm to chain smoke until the situation subsides.
If you're a latently gay cowboy with a little money on your hands, the best way to out yourself is by selecting decor for the dining room.
Don't use all of the hot bathin' water until you've asked others if they would care to share.
Mating native Wyoming males with Texas females may produce children who sound like they're from Scranton.
Objects in your side view mirror may appear smaller, farther away, and much sadder than you could ever imagine.
When a close friend dies, always rummage through his closet to check for stolen clothing.
It is impolite to ask questions about salary during a job interview. In fact, it is impolite to ask any questions at all!
All women, except the cowboy's wife, are referred to as "ma'am."
When sending a postcard to a friend, the cowboy must sign it with his first and last name, even when he has known the friend for 20 years.
When a fellow cowboy pours whiskey into your coffee cup, say "thank you." There is no need for thanks when swigging it out of the bottle, however.
Cowboys only drive pickup trucks. Cars are for sissies.
Cowboys from Texas are permitted to wear wrist watches. Wyoming cowboys are not. If a Wyoming cowboy is given a wrist watch, proper etiquette is to look at it in a puzzled way, and then shove it in his pocket.
Beer should only be consumed from a long neck brown bottle or occasionally, a mug. Beer is never drunk from a can.
Cigarettes are lit with a lighter, not matches. If the cowboy is feeling fidgety, it is acceptable to play with the lighter.
When feeling pouty, the polite cowboy will sit by himself in a field and sulk.
Remove your hat before entering the tent of your new boyfriend.
Score big points by cleaning your potential boyfriend's cloths with a stick at a stream, naked.
If a homosexual cowboy should find himself married to a woman, it is best to wear tight, revealing, outlining undershirts and loose, low-hanging pajama bottoms that accentuate one's attributes to bed to indicate a lack of interest.
When going on a trip, cowboys should pack their clothes in a paper or canvas bag. Suitcases are not acceptable.
It is standard procedure to try to forget your sorrow in the arms of an ugly clown. The clown may not be cooperative.
The devoted cowboy wife will dutifully see that her husband receives all mail from his lover. Only city wives would tear such mail into small pieces and deposit it in the garbage.
Before delivering disappointing news, it is good manners to clean off the listener's truck door handle.
After urinating, a cowboy should show his friends that he has properly buckled his belt by flicking at the buckle twice.
It's considered bad form to pull your pants back up after a night of unexpected rough sex. Only do so in the morning while your partner is still asleep.
If you see a cowboy you do not know who appears to be sick, injured, or in pain, do not offer to help. You will certainly be sworn at and maybe even hit. However, if you know the cowboy who is sick, injured, or in pain, do try to help. You will still get sworn at but eventually he will accept your ministrations.
When a stranger visits your home, decides to rummage through a family member's closet and take an item of clothing without permission, it is expected that you should offer a paper bag for him to take said item home.
When you want to scope out the other cowboy without him knowing, it's best to pretend to shave while looking in your truck's side view mirror.
Clench jaw firmly till muscle twitches to avoid staring at a fellow cowboybathing nude outdoors.
It is acceptable to smoke a cigarette and peel potatoes to avoid staring at a fellow cowboy bathing nude outdoors.
Always, always, always, bring fish home to your wife after one of your little fishing trips. Remember to make sure it has completely thawed out.
Make sure the fish is a native American species that can be found in a local stream, not something exotic like Chilean sea bass.
When storming out of ex-wife's house after an argument, it is acceptable to have your hat on backwards.
Brown, wrist-length riding gloves are an acceptable accessory to a black Resistol cowboy hat and a blue Wrangler shirt.
It is advisable to call--or at least write--first before traveling long distances to join one's newly divorced lover.
When visiting the home of people you are meeting for the first time, it acceptable to have a cup of coffee, but politely decline an offer of cake.
Have a rifle handy when discussing one's sexual orientation.
Never, repeat NEVER, ease your pickup into its parkin’ space. Slammin' on the brakes is half the fun. The longer the skid and the closer to somethin' you get, the better!
Though one is being kept on a short leash, be sure it reaches 1200 miles.
