Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum

a girl with an opinon

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jpwagoneer1964:
No, a divorce breaks up a family, and the childten lives suffer for it. If the stay parents focused on the children, so much more important than any adult issues, and make the best of it everone will benifit. You make a choice to  marry and a choice to have childten. And leaving a spouse when you have minor children and move out of state is  abandoning children. Just no way to sugarcoat that.

Katie77:

--- Quote from: jpwagoneer1964 on January 22, 2007, 03:57:18 pm ---No, a divorce breaks up a family, and the childten lives suffer for it. If the stay parents focused on the children, so much more important than any adult issues, and make the best of it everone will benifit. You make a choice to  marry and a choice to have childten. And leaving a spouse when you have minor children and move out of state is  abandoning children. Just no way to sugarcoat that.

--- End quote ---

Got to disagree here, using my own personal experiences....

Firstly, I was the child of divorced parents, my father left my mother to live with a man, when I was 7yrs old...To tell you the truth, back then, in the late 50's (when i was in the minority, having divorced parents), from what I can remember, I just got on with what life dealt me...can't remember crying myself to sleep at night, saw enough of my dad, that I felt he was "still around", even later when I was a teenager and he moved interstate...and then when I married myself, and knew what love was all about, I was happy that my mum and dad, had been able to find love with someone else and lead a happy life.....

Not perfect, no, but I still grew up knowing my mum and dad loved me and both provided me with a home where I felt safe and comfortable.

Two generations later, I am watching the same thing happen, with my grandchildren....10 years ago, my son's wife, gave him a note to say she would be moving to another town and taking his two children with her...there was no third party, married life just got "too hard" for my former daughter in law....My son, has had constant contact with his children, even now, that he has moved to a diferent state to which they live....after visiting his children and knowing that he will not see them again for maybe another 6 months, my son is absolutely devastated, and I try to console him with my own experience, that his kids are happy, and getting on with their life, the same way, as they adapt to their time with him.....kids are very adaptable.

Thats not to say, that I wish my grandchildren were living in a two parent household, with both their mum and dad, living in a perfect family existence....not to say, that I too, would have loved to have lived in a normal family household....but as we read more and more often, this is not a perfect world.....a husband and wife staying together unhappily does not make a perfect world either.

serious crayons:

--- Quote from: jpwagoneer1964 on January 22, 2007, 03:57:18 pm ---And leaving a spouse when you have minor children and move out of state is  abandoning children. Just no way to sugarcoat that.
--- End quote ---

If you mean leaving a spouse, moving out of state and rarely seeing your children after that, I would agree with it.

But assuming both parents stay in their children's lives on a regular basis, I don't think a blanket statement about that being harmful to the children or irresponsible of the parent is appropriate. Kids may do much better with a happy single parent (or happy remarried parent) than they would with unhappy parents who live together. Furthermore, while parents do bear responsibility for their children, I don't think that necessarily extends to living their own lives unhappily for decades, for the benefit of children who might wind up just fine in any case.

There are all kinds of families, all kinds of marriages, all kinds of children. Believe me, I can think of several families in which the children were unquestionably better off because their parents split up. Divorce isn't a happy occasion for anybody, but ultimately it can be the right choice.

nagsheadsea412:
Cheating is pretty par for the course when divorce is one out of two in this age...no great surprise there.

Monika:

--- Quote from: jpwagoneer1964 on January 22, 2007, 03:57:18 pm ---No, a divorce breaks up a family, and the childten lives suffer for it. If the stay parents focused on the children, so much more important than any adult issues, and make the best of it everone will benifit. You make a choice to  marry and a choice to have childten. And leaving a spouse when you have minor children and move out of state is  abandoning children. Just no way to sugarcoat that.

--- End quote ---
I think it´s more damaging for children to live in family where it´s clear that the parents don´t love each other. And children can tell, you bet.
Divorce does not mean that you are abondoning your children. Sometimes divorce is the most responsable thing to do.

And it´s not always a choice to marry and have children. If you are raised to believe you don´t have any other option, then it really isn´t a choice at all.

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