The World Beyond BetterMost > Women Today
Tale of a 19th-century abortion provider
Sophia:
--- Quote from: atz75 on June 08, 2009, 04:56:52 pm ---I think one thing that many men (no matter how compassionate) don't understand when it comes to debates like this... is how truly scary pregnancy is for women on many, many levels.
One time I was having a conversation (kind of a silly conversation) with my best gay-male friend (he considers himself a feminist and is pro-choice, etc.) about all the things I consider to be a benefit to being lesbian when it comes to sex and relationships (and he was doing the same discussing the pros- of being a gay man). And, I said, that I feel extraordinarily lucky that sex for me never involves having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. And, he was shocked by this. Truly. He couldn't understand why I would think of this as a benefit.
To me, it's an enormous burden taken off of my shoulders when it comes to relationships. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy with every sexual encounter on top of the standard worries about diseases (since no birth control or condoms are 100% effective).
I think his lack of understanding simply comes down to not knowing how scary the prospect of pregnancy is. Even for women who want to be pregnant it can be terrifying. My Mom had a panic attack once when she was pregnant with me when she was taking a tour of the maternity wing of the hospital (and I was a planned pregnancy).
Of course, pregnancy is a wonderful thing if it's planned and you have control over what's going on, and if you can assume that you'll have good medical care and support throughout the pregnancy and during/after birth. But, on both a physical and psychological level an unwanted pregnancy can be so devastating.
--- End quote ---
For me the things you are talking about is very important. That pregnancy ain't a piece of cake like dinner every night. It involves a lot of things. And a good health care system can provide and help you with these things. Because it is very important that the mother is really taking care of both before and after the pregnancy, not just from experts but from other people in the same situation. And I do now from a lot of female and male friends that unexpected pregnancy's even if they are very hard in the beginning they always and up as something delightful and happy.
Monika:
--- Quote from: atz75 on June 08, 2009, 04:56:52 pm ---I think one thing that many men (no matter how compassionate) don't understand when it comes to debates like this... is how truly scary pregnancy is for women on many, many levels.
One time I was having a conversation (kind of a silly conversation) with my best gay-male friend (he considers himself a feminist and is pro-choice, etc.) about all the things I consider to be a benefit to being lesbian when it comes to sex and relationships (and he was doing the same discussing the pros- of being a gay man). And, I said, that I feel extraordinarily lucky that sex for me never involves having to worry about an unwanted pregnancy. And, he was shocked by this. Truly. He couldn't understand why I would think of this as a benefit.
To me, it's an enormous burden taken off of my shoulders when it comes to relationships. I can't imagine how stressful it must be to have to worry about an unwanted pregnancy with every sexual encounter on top of the standard worries about diseases (since no birth control or condoms are 100% effective).
I think his lack of understanding simply comes down to not knowing how scary the prospect of pregnancy is. Even for women who want to be pregnant it can be terrifying. My Mom had a panic attack once when she was pregnant with me when she was taking a tour of the maternity wing of the hospital (and I was a planned pregnancy).
Of course, pregnancy is a wonderful thing if it's planned and you have control over what's going on, and if you can assume that you'll have good medical care and support throughout the pregnancy and during/after birth. But, on both a physical and psychological level an unwanted pregnancy can be so devastating.
--- End quote ---
Very interesting post. Thank you.
I have never wanted children myself, but I think it´s more the idea of the responsibility of raising another human being, than the birth itself, that has scared me off. Although, I´m perfectly content with not having to go through a birth, I must say. It´s a nice perk O0
Sophia:
--- Quote from: Buffymon on June 08, 2009, 05:45:11 pm ---We can never get around the fact that it is the woman who´s carrying the child It´s the woman´s body that gets reshaped. It´s the woman who takes all the risks, both mental and physical.
This is why it is, and always should be the woman´s decision.
--- End quote ---
AND a DEADLY risk for her life
milomorris:
--- Quote from: Buffymon on June 08, 2009, 05:45:11 pm ---We can never get around the fact that it is the woman who´s carrying the child It´s the woman´s body that gets reshaped. It´s the woman who takes all the risks, both mental and physical.
This is why it is, and always should be the woman´s decision.
--- End quote ---
ALL the risks? No. Men have considerable mental and emotional skin in the game, as well as financial investment (as we have been discussing).
I'm not trying to say that anyone should be able to force a woman into a situation, but I do think that couples need to be able discuss these issues when there are differences, and that somehow both the mother and the father can come out of it with something.
Monika:
--- Quote from: milomorris on June 08, 2009, 05:53:55 pm ---ALL the risks? No. Men have considerable mental and emotional skin in the game, as well as financial investment (as we have been discussing).
--- End quote ---
I meant risks that is a direct result of being pregnant and giving birth, such as post birth depression etc.
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