Hi Bucky.....the way you tell your story, I can feel the sadness,the frustration, and also the bitterness......I have never been in the same situation as you, so I could never know what I would have done in similar circumstances......
I do believe and have always believed that gay men, who marry, for the sake of "what is expected of them to do", is frought with danger and unhappiness...it is certainly not fair on the person who they marry, the children they might produce nor the gay person in question.....I wonder who has had a more difficult life...your gay ex-lover, living a lie, or you, being alone......probably both as difficult as the other.
When I know that many many people can form a partnership with the lover of their choice, regardless of sex, and go on to lead happy and contented lives, I find it frustrating to think, that some chose a different path, probably knowing that it is doomed before it even begins.
You blame society, for the way your life has turned out, and I agree, that society hasn't helped your cause, but I also think that, it has turned out the way it has, because of the choices that you and your ex-partner have made.....choices, no doubt, thought to be the correct ones at the time.
It is sad that you are still pining for someone after 43 years, whom you had an 8 month affair with...I find it difficult to comprehend that you couldn't or didn't find someone else to give such undying love to....I feel very sorry for you, and I dont say that in a condesending way, but in a sad and frustrating way....what a waste, and what a long time to stay bitter, when there possibly could have been a happier ending.
Life is made up of choices, we all make bad ones, and have to live with them, we really cant go on blaming society, or anyone else for the choices we make about our personal life......it would have been far less painful, to stand up to society and everyone else, and say "like it or lump it".....
Once again, let me repeat, that I am not in any way attempting to offend you, I am well aware of the bigotry, and lack of understanding that is thrust on gay people, and the torments and frustrations, that it forces on your lives, and I wish that this world was more appreciative of the fact that people, like you, are good people, and not label you with an anti-social tag......I just hope that you find some peace in your life, and hopefully some happiness.