The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
just read this one today at the office...apologies to our Asian friends, this is very cute and makes you realize why it is important to learn a few basic words in the native language before traveling.
Tendjewberrymud...
It's amazing, you will understand the above word by the end of the conversation...
Read aloud for best results. "Tendjewberrymud" Be warned, you're going to find yourself talking "funny" for a while after reading this.
The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the FarEast Economic Review...
Room Service (RS): "Morny. Ruin sorbees"
Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service"
RS: "Rye..Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??"
G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs"
RS: "Ow July den?"
G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pry, boy, pooch?
G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."
RS: "Ow July dee bayhcem...crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."
RS : "Hokay. An San tos?"
G: "What?"
RS: "San tos. July San tos?"
G: "I don't think so"
RS: "No? Judo one toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo one
toes' means."
RS: "Toes! toes!...why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish mopping
we bother?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.
Yes,an English muffin will be fine."
RS: "We bother?"
G: "No..just put the bother on the side."
RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."
RS: "Copy?"
G: "Sorry?"
RS: "Copy...tea...mill?"
G: "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all."
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,
tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome."
pettifogger:
Three Holy Men and a Bear.
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains
to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to
talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really
that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to
another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into
the woods, find a bear, preach to it and try to convert it.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had
various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said,
"I went into the woods to find me a bear and when I found him, I began
to read him from the Catechism. Well that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy
water, sprinkled him and he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop
is coming out next week to give him his first communion and
confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheel-chair, had one arm
and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone
oratory, he claimed, "Well, brothers, you know that we don't sprinkle!!
I went out and found me a bear, and I began to read from God's holy
word. But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took hold of him
and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, up another and
down another until we came to a creek. So I quickly dunked him and
baptized his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a
lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The priest and the reverend both looked at the rabbi, who was lying in a
hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors
running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape. The rabbi looked
up and said,
"Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start." ::)
pettifogger:
Murphy turned up at Mass one Sunday and the priest was amazed
because Murphy had never been seen in church in all his life.
After Mass, the priest caught up with Murphy and said, " Murphy,
I'm so glad you came, but what made you come ?"
Murphy said, " I got to be honest with you Father, a while back I
misplaced my hat and I really love that hat. I knew that McGlynn
had one the same and that he came to church every Sunday. I knew
he had to take his hat off during Mass and I planned to steal
McGlynn's hat."
The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that you didn't steal his
hat. What changed your mind ?"
Murphy said, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments
I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat at all."
The priest gave Murphy a big smile and said, "After I talked about
'Thou shalt not steal' you decided you would rather do without your hat
than burn in Hell, right ?"
Murphy slowly shook his hesd and said, "No, Father, after you talked
about 'Thou shalt not commit adultery' I remembered where I left
my hat."
Dagi:
--- Quote from: dot-matrix on August 28, 2007, 04:26:21 pm ---
RS: "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache, crease baychem,
tossy singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say"
RS: "Tendjewberrymud"
G : "You're welcome."[/color]
--- End quote ---
I once read this in a book, and it cracked me up! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Whatever you say....... So great.
Dagi
Kerry:
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