The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
Some lesser known Murphy’s Laws - - -
Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
The 50-50-90 rule : Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there’s a 90% probability you’ll get it wrong.
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.
Flashlight : A case for holding dead batteries.
When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.
dot-matrix:
There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby so he went before the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the
preacher’s salary. There was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman’s additional children were costing the church. Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, saying:
“Children are Gift from God.” Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady stood up and in her frail voice said, “Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”
And the congregation said “ Amen! ”
Kerry:
dot-matrix:
Three aspiring psychiatrists from various colleges were attending
their first class on emotional extremes.
“Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor, “What is
the opposite of joy?”
“Sadness,” says one student.
“And the opposite of depression?”
“Elation,” said another.
“And you sir, he said to another young man from Texas,
“How about the opposite of woe ?”
“Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up.”
dot-matrix:
Walking up to a department store’s fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked, “I want to buy this material for a new dress.
How much does it cost ?”
“Only one kiss per yard,” replied the smirking male clerk.
“That’s fine,” replied the girl. “I’ll take ten yards.”
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the
clerk measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out
teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her.
“Grandpa will pay the bill,” she smiled.
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