The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
Subject: Goldfish
Before you read this story, just answer one question to yourself. The answer should be a simple yes or no, here is the question:
Do you have a goldfish? Just answer yes or no, and then read below.
Two builders (Dave and Stuart) are seated either side of a table in a rough pub when a well-dressed man enters, orders a beer and sits on a stool at the bar. The two builders start to speculate about the occupation of the suit...
Dave: - I reckon he's an accountant.
Stuart: - No way he's a stockbroker.
Dave: - He ain't no stockbroker! A stockbroker wouldn't come in here!
The argument repeats itself for some time until the volume of beer gets the better of Dave and he makes for the toilet. On entering the toilet he sees that the suit is standing at a urinal. Curiosity and the several beers get the better of the builder...
Dave: - Scuse me, no offence meant, but me and me mate were wondering what you do for a living?
Suit: - No offence taken! I'm a Logical Scientist by profession!
Dave: - Oh! What's that then?
Suit: - I'll try to explain by example. Do you have a goldfish at home?
Dave: - Er mmm well yeah, I do as it happens!
Suit: - Well, it's logical to follow that you keep it in a bowl or in a pond. Which is it?
Dave: - It's in a pond!
Suit: - Well then it's reasonable to suppose that you have a large garden then?
Dave: - As it happens, yes I have got a big garden!
Suit: - Well then it's logical to assume that in this town if you have a large garden then you have a large house?
Dave: - As it happens I've got a five bedroom house, built it myself,
Suit: - Well given that you've built a five bedroom house it is logical to assume that you haven't built it just for yourself and that you are quite probably married?
Dave: - Yes I am married; I live with my wife and three children.
Suit: - Well then it is logical to assume that you are sexually active with your wife on a regular basis?
Dave: - Yep! Four nights a week!
Suit: - Well then it is logical to suggest that you do not masturbate very often?
Dave: - Me? Never
Suit: - Well there you are! That's logical science at work!
Dave: - How's that then?
Suit: - Well from finding out that you had a goldfish, I've told you about your sex life!
Dave: - I see! That's pretty impressive, thanks mate!
Both leave the toilet and Dave returns to his mate.
Stuart: - I see the suit was in there. Did you ask him what he does?
Dave: - Yep! He's a logical scientist!
Stuart: - What's that then?
Dave: - I'll try and explain. Do you have a goldfish?
Stuart: - Nope
Dave: - Well then, you're a wanker
_____________________________________________________________________
dot-matrix:
How to maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity. . . .
At lunch time sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your waste paper bin on your desk and label it "IN."
Order a diet water wherever you go out in the car, with a straight face.
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
When the money comes out of the ATM scream: "I won ! I won !!"
dot-matrix:
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a..............(scroll down for the answer)
have you guessed yet ...
wait for it...
almost there ....
it made him a: super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis!
( I know..pretty bad huh!) :laugh:
Kerry:
Dagi:
I was so horny tonight I would have taken a sheep home... :laugh:
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