The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
Dog Property Rules
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
And for the grand finally
10. If its broken, it's yours.
dot-matrix:
It's the summer of 1957 and Harold goes to pick up his date,
Peggy Sue. Harold is a pretty hip guy with his own car and a
duck tail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's
mother aswers and invites him in.
"Peggy Sue is not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?"
Peggy Sue's mother asks Harold what they're planning to do.
Harold politely replies that they will probably just go to the
ice cream shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's mother responds, "Why don't you kids go out and
screw? I hear all the kids are doing it."
Naturally this comes as a surprise to Harold and he says, "Whaat?"
"Yeah," says Peggy Sue's mother. "We know Peggy Sue likes to
screw. Why she'd screw all night if we let her !"
Harold's eyes light up and he smiles from ear to ear. Immediately
he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later,
Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her
saddle shoes, and announces she is ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Harold escorts his date
out the front door while Mum is saying, "Have a good evening
kids." With a small wink for Harold.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly dishevelled Peggy Sue
rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and
screams at her mother, "Dammit, Mum. The Twist !! The
Twist!! It's called the Twist !!!?
dot-matrix:
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day, while they were walking past the hospital swimming
pool, Jim suddenly jumped in at the deep end. He sank to the
bottom and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. .
She swam to the bottom and pulled him out.
When the Head nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as
she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news, she said, "Edna, I have good
news and bad news. The good news is tou're being discharged since
you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and
saving the life of another patient, so I have concluded that your act
displays sound mindedness.
"The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in the
bathroom with his dressing gown belt right after you saved him.
I am sorry but he is dead."
Edna replied, " Oh he didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home ?"
dot-matrix:
Dog Circus
Kerry:
--- Quote from: Dagi on October 01, 2007, 11:35:06 am ---I might sound like a broken record, but I have to say it again: Kerry, you are brilliant!
Dagi 8)
--- End quote ---
Thank ya kindly, Dagi. :)
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