The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
dot-matrix:
There were two nuns. One was known as Sister Mathematical (SM)
and the other was known as Sister Logical (SL)
It was getting dark and they were still far from the convent.
SM : Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past
thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL : It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM : Oh no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most.
What can we do ?"
SL : The only logical thing to do of course, is to walk faster,
SM : It's not working.
SL : Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing.
He started to walk faster, too.
SM : So what will we do ? At this rate he will reach us in 1 minute.
SL : The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and
I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about
what has happened to Sister Logical.
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM : Sister Logical, Thank God you are here. Tell me what
happened.
SL : The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us
both, so he followed me.
SM : Yes. Yes. But what happened then ?
SL : The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could
and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM : And .???
SL : The only logical thing happened. He reached me.
SM : Oh, dear, What did you do ?
SL : The only logica thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM : Oh, Sister. What did the man do ?
SL : The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM : Oh. no. What happened then ?
SL : Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run
faster than a man with his pants down.
And for all those of you who thought it would be dirty - -
Say two Hail Marys !!
Kerry:
Kerry:
Warning! :o These are both equally politically incorrect! :-\
Sense of humour required before progressing beyond this point! :laugh:
dot-matrix:
One day the US President's wife died and went to Heaven.
When she got there she was met by St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates.
She saw lots of clocks, all moving at different speeds. She asked
St Peter about them.
He replied, "They are lie clocks and the hands tick every time
a person lies."
She saw one that had only moved twice and St Peter told her
that it was Mother Theresa's clock. Then she saw one that had
moved eight times. St Peter told her it was George Washington's
clock.
Then she asked "Where's George's clock ?" to which St Peter
replied, "It's in my office. I use it as a ceiling fan !!"
dot-matrix:
An Australian dies and is sent to hell. He had been a horrible
man throughout his life and even the devil wanted to punish
him, so he puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge-
hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the
humidity. :Love my kingdom," laughs the devil.
After a couple of days the devil checks in on his victim to see
he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as he looks at
the Aussie happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy
tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand
this. I turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks
. . . why are you so happy ?"
The Aussie, smiling, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great !
It reminds me of January in Australia. Hot, humid, a good place
to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic !"
The devil extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the Aussie's
remarks. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down
driving rain and torrential wind. Soon hell is a wet muddy mess.
Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing in his eyes, the
Aussie is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheel-
barrow full of crushed rocks.
Again, the devil asks how he can be so happy in such conditions.
The Aussie replies, " This is great. Just like September in Darwin.
It reminds me of working out in the fields with spring planting."
The devil is now completely baffled. Angry and desperate to make
hell really hell, he gives it one last ditch effort. He makes the
temperature plummet. Suddenly, hell is blanketed in snow and ice.
Confident that this will surely make the Australian unhappy, the
devil checks in on him.
He is aghast at what he sees. The Aussie is dancing, singing and
twirling his sledge- hammer as he cavorts in glee.
"How can you be so happy ? Don;t you know it's 40 below zero ?"
Jumping up and down, the Aussie throws a snowball at the devil
and yells, "Hell's frozen over !! This means that the Wallabies
won the World Cup !!"
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