Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management Technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over A crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running Water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade Of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of The person you are holding underwater.

See? Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management Technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile.

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over A crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running Water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world.

6. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade Of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of The person you are holding underwater.

See?    It really does work  .
 
  You're smiling already.

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

Best “Out of Office” Automatic e-mail & voice-mail Replies

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor’s having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.


4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical
reasons. When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Louis’

[dot-matrix]

Mrs Ward goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's
test results.

The lab tech says to her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there has
been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent
your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another
Mr Ward were sent as well, and now we are uncertain which
one is your husband's. Frankly, it's either bad or terrible.

"What do you mean ?" Mrs Ward asked.

"Well, one tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for
AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband."

"That's terrible! Can't we do the test over ?" asked Mrs Ward.

"Normally yes, but Medicare won't pay for these expensive
tests more than once."

"Well, what am I supposed to do now ?"

"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your
husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home,
don't sleep with him."

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[underdown]

SPEED TRAP

[underdown]

NO PARKING !!!