The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
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Some Male Thoughts On Women And Marriage
I married Mis Right/ I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months . . . I don't like to interrupt her.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% . . It's called wedding cake.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus : Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffering.
Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV ?" . . . I said, "Dust."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer-gut, and still think they are beautiful.
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Nine Words Women Use
(1) FINE : This is the word women use to end
an argument when they are right and you need
to shut up.
(2) FIVE Minutes : If she is getting dressed
this means half an hour. Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have just been given five
more minutes to watch the game before
helping around the house.
(3) NOTHING : This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin
with nothing usually end up in Fine.
(4) GO AHEAD : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It.
(5) LOUD SIGH : This is actually a word, but a non-verbal state-
ment often misunderstood by man. A loud sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for
the meaning of nothing.)
(6) THAT'S OKAY : This is one of the most dangerous statements
a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she want to think
long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your
mistakes.
(7) THANKS : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say 'you're welcome' (I want to add a clause here. This is true,
unless she says "Thanks a lot." - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" . . . that will
bring on a "whatever.")
(8 ) WHATEVER : Is a woman's way of saying F*CKYOU.
(9) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT : Another dangerous
statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man
to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later
result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response
refer to #3.
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