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Kerry's Komedy Klub
Katie77:
Parrot is Dead
-----At dawn the telephone rings, 'Hello, Senor Rod? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house.'
'Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?'
'Um, I am just calling to advise you, Senor Rod, that your parrot, he is dead'
'My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?'
'Si, Senor, that's the one.'
'Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?'
'From eating the rotten meat, Senor Rod.'
'Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?'
'Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse.'
'Dead horse? What dead horse?'
'The thoroughbred, Senor Rod.'
'My prize thoroughbred is dead?'
'Yes Senor Rod, he died from all that work pulling the water cart.'
'Are you insane?? What water cart?'
'The one we used to put out the fire, Senor.'
'Good Lord!! What fire are you talking about, man??'
'The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire.'
'What the hell?? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?? !!'
'Yes, Senor Rod.'
'But there's electricity at the house!! What was the candle for?'
'For the funeral, Senor Rod.'
'WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!'
'Your wife's, Senor Rod', she showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief,
so I hit her with your new Tailor Made Super Quad 460 golf club.'
SILENCE . . . . . . .. . . LONG SILENCE . . . . . . . .
'Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit!
Kerry:
From David Letterman . . . . .
Top 10 Signs You Are a Gay Cowboy
10. Your saddle is Versace.
9. Instead of Home on the Range, you sing It's Raining Men.
8. You enjoy ridin', ropin' and redecoratin'.
7. Sold your livestock to buy tickets to Mamma Mia!
6. After watching reruns of Gunsmoke, you have to take a cold shower.
5. Native Americans refer to you as Dances With Men.
4. You've been lassoed more times than most steers.
3. You're wearing chaps, yet your "ranch" is in Chelsea.
2. Instead of a saloon, you prefer a salon.
1. You love riding, but you don't have a horse.
Kerry:
From Nathan Lane . . . . .
Sample lyrics from the spoof Brokeback: The Musical, by Nathan Lane on Late Night with David Letterman:
(To the tune of Oklahoma!)
Lane: "Broooooookeback Mountain
Where those jolly ranchers disappeared
In the tent to sleep, after driving sheep
When the fire went out, then things got weird."
(To the tune of You're the Top)
Gay Cowboy No. 1: "You're the top ..."
Lane: "You're the chaw that I chew ..."
Gay Cowboy No. 2: "You're the top ..."
Lane: "I wish I could quit you.
"You're a rodeo queen, in denim jeans and shirt.
"You're an Indian chief, you're John Wayne's briefs.
"You're such a flirt."
Katie77:
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Love em Kerry..........
Kerry:
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