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Kerry's Komedy Klub

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David In Indy:
Two female friends had gone out for a girls' night out, and had been decidedly overenthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin her's, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These darn girls' nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties."

"That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck on her behind that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you!'

Katie77:
I want to live my next life backwards!

 You start out dead and get that out of the way
 right off the bat.

 Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better
 every day.

 When you are kicked out of the home for being too
 healthy, you spend several years enjoying your
 retirement and collecting benefit checks.

 When you start work, you get a gold watch on your
 first day.

 You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day
 until pretty soon you're too young to work.

 So then, you go to college: play sports, date,
 drink, and party. 

  After that you're at high school, become very popular because
you are  so mature, are an excellent athlete after your experience
in college, and  the first love is not your first, so you know how
to handle  yourself. 

 As you get even younger, you become a kid again.

 You go to elementary school, play, and have no
 responsibilities.   
 
 In a few years, you become a baby and everyone
runs themselves  ragged keeping you happy. 

You spend your last 9 months  floating peacefully
in luxury, spa-like conditions: central  heating,
room service on tap.

 Until finally ...You finish off as an orgasm.

 I rest my  case....

Kerry:

Katie77:
BECAUSE ITS VALENTINES DAY...A COUPLE OF ROMANTIC POEMS FOR YOU

A WOMAN'S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door.
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.


A MANS POEM.

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with
huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This
doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.
The End

Kerry:
Yikes, it's true, pets really do  look like their owners! Or should that be owners look like their pets?  :laugh:

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