The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Mandy21:
Does this remind anyone of Alma???
~~~
A man calls home to his wife and says, “Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3-day weekend? And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up. Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.
Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish.
He says, "Yes! Lots of walleyes, some bass, and a few pike."
He said, "But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"
(You'll love the answer.)
The wife replies, “I did.
They're in your tackle box.”
Never, never, never try to outsmart a woman!
Penthesilea:
--- Quote from: Mandy21 on June 18, 2010, 10:51:32 am ---Does this remind anyone of Alma???
~~~
--- End quote ---
How could it not remind us of Alma?
And now can you guess who this part of the above reminds me of (sans the chicken)?
--- Quote ---Let me tell you, Jesse hated this job. And you would too, I imagine, if
you had to do it. Jesse was a chicken plucker. That's right.
He stood on a line in a chicken factory
and spent his days pulling the feathers off dead chickens
so the rest of us wouldn't have to.
It wasn't much of a job.
But at the time, Jesse didn't think he was much of a person.
His father was a brute of a man.
His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill
and treated Jesse rough all of his life.
Jesse's older brother wasn't much better.
He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up.
Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in West Virginia.
Life was anything but easy.
And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him.
--- End quote ---
Mandy21:
Very perceptive, Chrissie! I was wondering if anybody would pick up on the irony and subtext of both of those jokes I got from a 80-year-old friend of mine who's never even heard of "Brokeback Mountain" yesterday, and couldn't resist passing them on together to Kerry's site.
Kerry:
There was a Scottish painter named Hamish MacGregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the local church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of the church.
Hamish put in a bid, and, because his price was so low, he got the job.
So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.
Well, Hamish was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Hamish clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Hamish was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:
"Oh, God, God, please forgive me. What should I do?"
And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke . . . . .
Can you guess what God said to Hamish?
Bet you can't guess!
Go on, have a guess!
What God said to Hamish was . . . . .
Are you ready for this?
God said . . . . .
"Repaint! Repaint!
And thin no more!"
Kerry:
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