The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Kerry:
Kerry:
Mandy21:
IN THAT LONG AGO TIME WHEN THINGS WERE SAVED,
WHEN ROADS WERE GRAVELED AND BARRELS WERE STAVED,
WHEN WORN-OUT CLOTHING WAS USED AS RAGS,
AND THERE WERE NO PLASTIC WRAP OR BAGS,
AND THE WELL AND THE PUMP WERE WAY OUT BACK,
A VERSATILE ITEM WAS THE FLOUR SACK.
PILLSBURY'S BEST, MOTHER'S, AND GOLD MEDAL, TOO,
STAMPED THEIR NAMES PROUDLY IN PURPLE AND BLUE.
THE STRING SEWN ON TOP WAS PULLED AND KEPT;
THE FLOUR EMPTIED AND SPILLS WERE SWEPT.
THE BAG WAS FOLDED AND STORED IN A SACK
THAT DURABLE, PRACTICAL FLOUR SACK.
THE SACK COULD BE FILLED WITH FEATHERS AND DOWN,
FOR A PILLOW, OR T'WOULD MAKE A NICE SLEEPING GOWN.
IT COULD CARRY A BOOK AND BE A SCHOOL BAG,
OR BECOME A MAIL SACK SLUNG OVER A NAG.
IT MADE A VERY CONVENIENT PACK,
THAT ADAPTABLE, COTTON FLOUR SACK.
BLEACHED AND SEWN, IT WAS DUTIFULLY WORN
AS BIBS, DIAPERS, OR KERCHIEF ADORNED.
IT WAS MADE INTO SKIRTS, BLOUSES AND SLIPS.
AND MOM BRAIDED RUGS FROM ONE HUNDRED STRIPS.
SHE MADE RUFFLED CURTAINS FOR THE HOUSE OR SHACK,
FROM THAT HUMBLE BUT TREASURED FLOUR SACK!
AS A STRAINER FOR MILK OR APPLE JUICE,
TO WAVE MEN IN, IT WAS A VERY GOOD USE,
AS A SLING FOR A SPRAINED WRIST OR A BREAK,
TO HELP MOTHER ROLL UP A JELLY CAKE,
AS A WINDOW SHADE OR TO STUFF A CRACK,
WE USED A STURDY, COMMON FLOUR SACK!
AS DISH TOWELS, EMBROIDERED OR NOT,
THEY COVERED UP DOUGH, HELPED PASS PANS SO HOT,
TIED UP DISHES FOR NEIGHBORS IN NEED,
AND FOR MEN OUT IN THE FIELD TO SEED.
THEY DRIED DISHES FROM PAN, NOT RACK,
THAT ABSORBENT, HANDY FLOUR SACK!
WE POLISHED AND CLEANED STOVE AND TABLE,
SCOURED AND SCRUBBED FROM CELLAR TO GABLE,
WE DUSTED THE BUREAU AND OAK BED POST,
MADE COSTUMES FOR OCTOBER (A SCARY GHOST),
AND A PARACHUTE FOR A CAT NAMED JACK
FROM THAT LOWLY, USEFUL OLD FLOUR SACK!
SO NOW MY FRIENDS, WHEN THEY ASK YOU
AS CURIOUS YOUNGSTERS OFTEN DO,
"BEFORE PLASTIC WRAP, ELMERS GLUE
AND PAPER TOWELS, WHAT DID YOU DO?"
TELL THEM LOUDLY, AND WITH PRIDE DON'T LACK,
"GRANDMOTHER HAD THAT WONDERFUL FLOUR SACK!"
Kerry:
Mandy21:
Let me tell you, Jesse hated this job. And you would too, I imagine, if
you had to do it. Jesse was a chicken plucker. That's right.
He stood on a line in a chicken factory
and spent his days pulling the feathers off dead chickens
so the rest of us wouldn't have to.
It wasn't much of a job.
But at the time, Jesse didn't think he was much of a person.
His father was a brute of a man.
His dad was actually thought to be mentally ill
and treated Jesse rough all of his life.
Jesse's older brother wasn't much better.
He was always picking on Jesse and beating him up.
Yes, Jesse grew up in a very rough home in West Virginia.
Life was anything but easy.
And he thought life didn't hold much hope for him.
That's why he was standing in this chicken line, doing a job that darn few people wanted.
In addition to all the rough treatment at home,
it seems that Jesse was always sick.
Sometimes it was real physical illness, but way too often it was all in
his head. He was a small child, skinny and meek.
That sure didn't help the situation any.
When he started to school,
he was the object of every bully on the playground.
He was a hypochondriac of the first order.
For Jesse, tomorrow was not always something to be looked forward to.
But, he had dreams.
He wanted to be a ventriloquist.
He found books on ventriloquism.
He practiced with sock puppets and saved his hard earned dollars
until he could get a real ventriloquist dummy.
When he got old enough, he joined the military.
And even though many of his hypochondriac symptoms persisted,
the military did recognize his talents
and put him in the entertainment corp.
That was when his world changed.
He gained confidence.
He found that he had a talent for making people laugh,
and laugh so hard
they often had tears in their eyes.
Yes, little Jesse had found himself.
You know, folks, the history books are full of people who overcame a
handicap to go on and make a success of themselves,
but Jesse is one of the few I know of who didn't overcome it.
Instead he used his paranoia to make a million dollars, and become one of
the best-loved characters of all time in doing it!
Yes, that little paranoid hypochondriac,
who transferred his nervousness into a successful career,
still holds the record for the most Emmy's given
in a single category.
The wonderful, gifted, talented, and nervous comedian who brought us
Barney Fife
was
Jesse Don Knotts.
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