The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Mandy21:
--- Quote from: ifyoucantfixit on January 05, 2012, 08:22:58 pm --- I have that song. and the whole album. I love Keith Urban. Probably my favorite country singer. :) :)
The words to his songs are wonderful. He is great.
--- End quote ---
Hiya, Janice! Me too, on all counts. I have the "Love, Pain, and the Whole Crazy World Tour" DVD, which was filmed in Atlanta a few years ago. Anytime I need a pick-me-up, there he is. I would highly recommend that DVD if you love him as much as I do. I think I've watched it almost as many times as Brokeback. ;D
Mandy21:
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?"
Katie77:
Its Australia Day tomorrow......Here is an account of a great Aussie tradition.....The Aussie Bar B Q....
AS MANY of us will be gathering around the barbecue with friends on Australia Day, I thought it was timely to remind all of the essential male barbecue rules.
These were set down many years ago by the Aussie Barbecue Cooks Association and are now considered sacred.
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory 3m exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. (Here is the important part.)
(5) The man places the meat on the grill.
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
(8) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (And most important of all...)
(11) Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off ' and upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!
NOTE: No other male must approach the barbecue plate while the owner is cooking, they can look, admire, but not touch, prick or turn the meat.
Above all they must never say "I think it is cooked now", even if the meat is on fire and charcoal-black.
Thank you, ladies, for understanding that the barbecue is the one place where we really do believe we are in complete control.
Mandy21:
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absent-mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
ifyoucantfixit:
--- Quote from: Katie77 on January 24, 2012, 05:59:36 pm ---Its Australia Day tomorrow......Here is an account of a great Aussie tradition.....The Aussie Bar B Q....
AS MANY of us will be gathering around the barbecue with friends on Australia Day, I thought it was timely to remind all of the essential male barbecue rules.
These were set down many years ago by the Aussie Barbecue Cooks Association and are now considered sacred.
(1) The woman buys the food.
Boy oh boy,, do I recognize that picture. My husband and my own dad.. Hysterical
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory 3m exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman. (Here is the important part.)
(5) The man places the meat on the grill.
(6) The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
(8) The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. (And most important of all...)
(11) Everyone praises the man and thanks him for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed 'her night off ' and upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women!
NOTE: No other male must approach the barbecue plate while the owner is cooking, they can look, admire, but not touch, prick or turn the meat.
Above all they must never say "I think it is cooked now", even if the meat is on fire and charcoal-black.
Thank you, ladies, for understanding that the barbecue is the one place where we really do believe we are in complete control.
--- End quote ---
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version