The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
ifyoucantfixit:
--- Quote from: Mandy21 on January 05, 2012, 11:02:58 am ---A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons, nor prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the saddle.
In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup, she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over.
As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune... Frank, the Walmart greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
And you thought all they did was say Hello.
--- End quote ---
Wow;;;;;;;; I laughed hard at that one...
Mandy21:
A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll drive his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also, as part of your job description, have to satisfy her sexual urges. The daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy in wide-eyed amazement said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said: "Yeah, well ... You started it".
Mandy21:
Shampoo Warning
I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!!!
I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and ... printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning: "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."
No wonder I have been gaining weight!!!
Well, I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads: "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
Problem solved!
If I don't answer the phone,
I'll be in the shower!
isabelle:
--- Quote from: Mandy21 on February 29, 2012, 10:25:07 am ---Shampoo Warning
I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!!!!!
I use shampoo in the shower. When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and ... printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning: "FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY."
No wonder I have been gaining weight!!!
Well, I have gotten rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish soap instead. Its label reads: "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE."
Problem solved!
If I don't answer the phone,
I'll be in the shower!
--- End quote ---
LOL Mandy ! And thanks for the tip !
isabelle:
The attached picture was in the display window of a Bakery (boulangerie , as we say in France) on Valentine's Day - the owner had a warning because his bakery is situated within less than 500 yards of a school , and any "pornography" is forbidden near a place of education (what about sex education , I wonder ! )
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