The World Beyond BetterMost > Anything Goes
Kerry's Komedy Klub
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: Mandy21 on March 08, 2012, 12:47:21 pm ---In honor of International Women's Day:
Medical Info Women Should Know
Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women
PREGNANCY Q & A & more!
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q : I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q : What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.
10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"
1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cell phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving?".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space."
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND:
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand:
1. OTHER WOMEN
--- End quote ---
I shared this with some female coworkers. They thought it was hysterical. :)
Mandy21:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on March 08, 2012, 07:13:01 pm ---I shared this with some female coworkers. They thought it was hysterical. :)
--- End quote ---
Glad I could help put smiles on a few faces today, Jeff.
Mandy21:
Wasn't sure where to put this little anecdote. It's not a joke, but it is funny, and I thought it apropos for BetterMost. It's from Mike Farrell's (B.J. Hunnicutt, M*A*S*H, 1972-83) biography.
From Just Call Me Mike: A Journey to Actor and Activist, by Mike Farrell, c 2007 p 115
A friendship formed during the Proposition 6 campaign [1978 - it would have barred homosexuals from working as teachers in California's schools] taught me even more about how precarious life can be for some. David Mixner had been one of the chief architects of the Vietnam Moratorium, a hugely successful initiative in the movement to end that war. At the time of his very public activities, it was not known that he was gay. When David finally came out of the closet a few years later, old friends -- even family members -- deserted him in droves. As told in his book, Stranger Among Friends, the price of honesty -- and of being different -- in our society can be monstrous. At dinner at our house one night, David told us about a loving aunt who did not cut him off when his sexual orientation became known.
"David," she said, "I understand you suck cock."
"Yes, Aunt Helen, that's right. I do."
"Well," Aunt Helen responded with a smile, "so do I, dear. So do I."
Due to his own strong character and the understanding and love of people like Helen, David survived it all and went on to become a national leader on gay rights issues; he now works internationally on the AIDS pandemic.
Penthesilea:
--- Quote from: Mandy21 on March 28, 2012, 09:47:08 am ---"Well," Aunt Helen responded with a smile, "so do I, dear. So do I."
--- End quote ---
:-X I guess I would have fallen off the chair, hearing an elderly aunt saying this. :laugh:
Good for Mr. Mixner, and a lovely anecdote to tell by Mr. Farrell. I love M*A*S*H
ifyoucantfixit:
That is truly an amazing story. And hilarious too. Oh and by the way, I probably know the lions share of Mash by heart. I have watched that show over and over, over the years. My beautiful Kelsey and I used to watch it every afternoon together, when she got home from school... She loves it too.
One of the very best shows, to have ever been on television. IMO
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