Int the most recent chapter, n the first part, in the bar, you did not space the dialog the way you did in the second part (the telephone call). Was that intentional? For me, it made it hard to follow, not sure who was doing the talking.
This paragraph:
"Hardly remember the first time I was ever on a horse. You ever ride?" The three generations of David’s family that had been at the wedding, the suit not secondhand like Ennis’, his ability to casually fly across several states just for a cousin’s wedding; all spoke of a cavernous gap between their backgrounds; so he was irrationally surprised at the affirmative answer. "Oh yeah. Haven’t been on a horse in awhile but I rode a lot growin’ up. My best friend’s parents, they had a place north of Atlanta. Used to spend weekends up there, go up a lot in the summer." He hesitated and then gave Ennis a slow, amused smile as if anticipating the reaction. "Not the kind of saddles y’all use out here, though. I learned on an English saddle, and the way you ride with those is way different."
I have Chapter 5 finished, but want to get Chapter 6 ready and post them both at the same time. Chapter 6 is another Jack-centered part.
Can you give me some examples of where it was confusing? This story is a writing exercise for me to a great extent; so I truly do want to do fine-tuning and rewrites where necessary. Someone alerted me earlier to some dialgue where it wasn't clear who was speaking.
I just love it so much. Keep up the most excellent work.
Marge!!!
I feel like such an imbecile, because I just tonight put together that you're writing Gift of Exile. I've been getting there via brokebackslash and my livejournal friends page where I just knew you were talkstocoyotes. I just love it so much. Keep up the most excellent work.
The first two chapters of Part Two posted this week. Index of chapters:i like your story a lot, and for a first ever it is amazing, im going to start over and re read the whole thing, hoping for an new chapter soon janice
Chapter 1: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/392.html
Chapter 2: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/523.html
Chapter 3: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/1066.html
Chapter 4: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/1485.html
Chapter 5: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/1704.html
Chapter 6: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/2038.html
Chapter 7: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/2358.html
Chapter 8: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/2635.html
hehehe Miserable!Ennis fans... well there are so many of them, and so few of us Happy!Ennis fans.
oh great! I thought you had snuck off with the ending!
I read quite a substantial part of this to start with because I arrived rather late to the party and now I'm reading a couple of chapters at a time feel i'm missing out on a lot because I forget things and reading sporadically just doesn't have the same sense of satisfaction as reading all in one go had. . . .
...from right at the start when Ennis met David and the fact that he was gay was out in the open, nothing to be wondered about, through the scene where they brushed hands and Ennis had an urge to slide his hand up David's shirt, right through to their ongoing conversations on the phone which have now left Ennis in the position of having to phone David instead of David calling him.
I admit, I am full up, having just ploughed through the editing and rendering-down of 40,000 words of another unrelated story... I function best when I am editing one thing and taking breaks from it to write others, and have done NO reading this week. Which means when I burn out on editing again NEXT week I'll have plenty to read.
But I truly savored the "Wedding Night" chapters, enough hotness to show Ennis's yearning, and a very original evocation of the relationship between Jack and Ennis. Yeah, I got dewy, but in your hands, Marcia, the sense of despair and loss are offset well by the hope for the future, and there is a sense in your work (and I wish it was in mine) that Ennis does not have to choose between holding onto the sweet moments of his past and Jack, and moving forward, because there is a natural progression from one to the other.
I think you conveyed this transition somewhat better than I did, and made me do some more thinking.
I've just finished chapter 6. Your way with words is so beautiful, Marge. The way you write Ennis and how he grieves for Jack; I find his dreams amazing. And like so many others, I also loved Jack's wording "changin horses" Beautiful. And I'm really really curious about David.
Thank you so much *off to chapter 7* It's the perfect day for staying in and reading too, dark, stormy and raining!! :D
After Chapter 16, there will be a major change in venue, and more about David and Nathan at that point, though I want to keep the focus on Ennis. Basically, Ennis will have to start putting some of what he's learned into practice.That part just cut my heart out but it was so beautifully written.
You know, I haven't had anyone mention this but in Chapter 8, the flashback to Ennis' return from Lightning Flat with the shirts shows him turning a major, though painful, corner. The impression I had of the last scene in the film, on the very first viewing, was that the trailer was so sparsely furnished because it reflected the stage Ennis had gone through after the scene at Jack's parents. His feeling in that flashback of being "stripped down to the bare bones" and half-expecting to see a skeleton in the mirror was one of those things that just appeared in my head. But in terms of archetypes, bones often represent the indestructible part of the soul, or the saving remnant that's a basis for rebuilding.
Writing is such a mysterious thing, it seems. I'd love it if all of the process is just the words pouring out of you but there seems to be a rhythm to it between inspiration and just hard, weed-pulling work. One of the more inspirational things about this project, as it's turned out, is the interaction with people who are reading. These posts, and the comments after the chapters, have turned out to be such a major part of it.
If it were only raining and stormy here! We had an obnoxious ice storm last weekend, and more snow today; after what had looked like a mild winter.
Oh believe me, you don't want the storms and rain we've had here in Holland and Europe the last couple of days! A few of the houses rooftops were half blown off in my neighbourhood on Thursday!
I've read everything now and I just have to say that I'm so in love with the way you're writing this story. I was so pleased Ennis picked up that phone! And I must say, David's offer was a complete surprise to me! I can't wait for more on this :)
Oh, you're in Europe - choi oi!! I saw some footage of those storms; the wind was so strong it actually bumped an airliner catty-wompus as it was taking off. Even in the Midwestern US where we have monster storms, I don't remember one like that.
Yeah, it was a surprise to Ennis, too; but David had been thinking about it all along, and so had Jack. ;)
That part just cut my heart out but it was so beautifully written.
Well I'll just have to post and leave more comments then! :)
Oh believe me, you don't want the storms and rain we've had here in Holland and Europe the last couple of days! A few of the houses rooftops were half blown off in my neighbourhood on Thursday!
I've read everything now and I just have to say that I'm so in love with the way you're writing this story. I was so pleased Ennis picked up that phone! And I must say, David's offer was a complete surprise to me! I can't wait for more on this :)
June - I hope your roof is okay!!
Hi Marcia :) I was just wondering how the next update was coming along? I'm so looking forward to it!
I just flicked back to your first post on this story to get the link because I want to reread again...and you said about 18 chapters. It's not going to tie up so quickly is it?
I was interested to see that you went with the accident version of Jack's death - as you had him trying to recall it (ugh...). Some folk are of the view that cos AP uses the words "the accident" in her prose & only refers to it as the tire iron in conjunction with this being Ennis's thoughts, that it actually was an accident & the tire iron was purely Ennis's view. This doesn't make much difference to your story I don't think, other than making it heart-rending to think of Jack being aware of being attacked so viciously, but I picked up on it cos I've been thinking on it of late & I've come down on the "it was an accident" view after many months of deliberation.
The house pics are great btw :)
Thanks for posting those photos - they are great. The beach looks lovely; too bad it's too cold to go swimming. I'm looking forward to more chapters from you!
Sorry, I meant to say attack in my first sentence - d'oh.
Will you be updating any time soon, Marcia? Just wondering cause I really love and miss this story so much :)
I'll second that! I hope we can find an update soon.
I'm going to be posting three chapters hopefully by this weekend - two are done and the third needs some reworking. Ennis finally arrives in Duluth, has another unexpected visit from Jack and he and David finally meet in person again after all those months. I suppose the first two could be posted now, but the three chapters seem to go together.
Thanks for continuing to read - I dropped in to check on the remarks about Lori's shocker of a chapter in TCJ, and this will give me an incentive to get these two guys together and at least talking in person PDQ. :)
Just finished reading the 3 new chapters you posted and they are wonderful. Thanks for continuing this although I know your schedule is crazy busy. Never would I have imagined canon Ennis in the environment he is in but I think you did a marvelous job of easing him into it. Between the long-distance phone calls from David and encouragement from Jack I think that helped Ennis a lot and made it plausible.
Hi Marge,
I am flying in to Duluth on Friday - do you think I will see David or Ennis?? :)
I hope I don't get the same sleep affliction, lol.... Well, I'm sure I won't, as my journey ain't nothin like Ennis'.
I like the quote you picked for your signature!
Thank you! This chapter did seem kind of "foody" but Ennis holding up his end in that kind of conversation, even if he's still as un-chatty as ever, is a kind of indication of his getting more established in this household, new as it all still is. And what story based in Minnesota could be without at least one lutefisk reference? ;D
There is a point in grieving for a loved person who's died where you suddenly find yourself thinking about them just as the person you knew -- i.e., some funny remark, shared experience, some little quirk or fault -- and that this kind of reference point, for the first time, has at least temporarily crowded out the loss. It isn't a matter of loving the person less, just that the loss has become a part of your own life rather than an outside force that's derailed it.
I don't know if I'm making that completely clear, but it's at least part of what Jack had in mind when he told Ennis to find a memory of him that he could laugh about.
Chapter 23 is up at http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/7306.html . I'll do my best to get Chapter 24 finished as soon as possible. Sorry about the long gaps between postings, the chapters seem to have decided on a timetable all its own. This and Chapter 24 center around the progress of Ennis' and David's relationship. Ennis will move into still more uncharted territory after that, and hopefully these chapters won't take as long as this one.
Here are some photos of various parts of the Park Point trail, and more pictures can be found at http://www.duluthbudgeteer.com/photography/includes/gallery.cfm?id=29&forumcomm_check_return
Thanks to everyone reading for their patience! :)
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/talkstocoyotes/ParkPointtrailbeach.jpg)
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/talkstocoyotes/ParkPointdune.jpg)
The beach and dune portions of the trail, with beachgoers' "driftwood art"
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/talkstocoyotes/ParkPointtrailtree.jpg)
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/talkstocoyotes/ParkPointTree_Tunnel.jpg)
The trail's forested section, including a straightaway occasionally used for cross-country skiing during the winter
That won't be long -- within the next two chapters, part of which is already written -- though there'll be a last-minute snag and some revelations (in the story, that is! ;) ). If you haven't seen them already, there are photos of Grandma's Saloon in my blog -- it's somewhat important to local history as a de facto community center. That often happens with redevelopment in urban neighborhoods; in Atlanta, it was a place called Manuel's Tavern.
Thanks for reading!
I hope all is well. I just wanted to let you know that I still look forward with anticipation to your next update.
Ian
Everything is well, just going slow as usual. What I'm working on right now is two long chapters (or maybe three medium-length ones) that pretty much have to be posted at the same time -- fortunately, a lot of it was already written and I'm making some good progress.
It's seemed all along like Ennis and Jack are sitting around a campfire in some corner of my head and I check back with them every few days -- anything new yet? Most of the time, they just shake their heads and say 'aw, not know, come back tomorrow' and sooner or later they deliver. If I try to force it before they do that, chapter don't look right. And sometimes when they do come up with something, it's way ahead of what I'm working on, toward the end of the story. But Ennis' and Jack's final reunion is already written.
Two chapters posted this weekend:
Chapter 27: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/8869.html
Chapter 28 Part 1: http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/9090.html
Chapter 28 is turning out to be very long, so I divided it into two smaller parts. Thanks for being patient, readers!
Will post related photos later this week.
Chapter 25 is up, at http://talkstocoyotes.livejournal.com/7723.html
Ennis and David finally kiss -- after 25 chapters, but only a year in the plotline. Actually pretty fast progress for Ennis.
For views of jumpers at “the Deeps”, watch the video “A Day At the Deeps” at
We have a place near Portland, that is called The High Rocks, that reminds me very much of The Deeps.(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/talkstocoyotes/TheDeeps.jpg)
The Deeps
(http://i135.photobucket.com/albums/q135/talkstocoyotes/7BridgesAmityCreek2.jpg)
Seven Bridges Road (autumn view)