This paragraph:
"Hardly remember the first time I was ever on a horse. You ever ride?" The three generations of David’s family that had been at the wedding, the suit not secondhand like Ennis’, his ability to casually fly across several states just for a cousin’s wedding; all spoke of a cavernous gap between their backgrounds; so he was irrationally surprised at the affirmative answer. "Oh yeah. Haven’t been on a horse in awhile but I rode a lot growin’ up. My best friend’s parents, they had a place north of Atlanta. Used to spend weekends up there, go up a lot in the summer." He hesitated and then gave Ennis a slow, amused smile as if anticipating the reaction. "Not the kind of saddles y’all use out here, though. I learned on an English saddle, and the way you ride with those is way different."
It took me a few reads to realize it was Ennis speaking in the first sentence.
I did like the feel of the multiple conversations going on and I thought that might be what you were trying to convey. On the other hand, I am a bit of a stickler for punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. Nothing will turn me off from a story faster than finding it full of errors. (Marge, I am not saying that about yours...just speaking generally, here). I think there is a fine line between bending a rule for effect and having something come across as just plain wrong. In your case, I thought there might be some bending going on, hence my question if it was intentional.
Leslie
