Favorite Lines From "Everybody Loves Raymond"

[David In Indy]

Here's another funny part from "Bad Moon Rising"

Debra: What was the tape recorder for Ray? We're you planning on taping me so you could prove to the guys what a terrible person I am? "Hey step right up guys and listen to the terrible WITCH who killed my good time!"

Ray: No. It's just for us.

Debra: Yeah. Where's my tape recorder Ray? Where was MY tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours, and you were asking the nurse if the TV gets ESPN?

Ray: Well, I mean, 36 hours... that's not a SHORT time.

Debra: Yeah. Guess what? It's even longer when you're trying to push two human beings out of your body while your husband is going "Does this hospital have fudge sickles?" !!

(Ray backs up, trips on the couch and lands on the floor)

Debra: Yeah, where's my tape recorder huh? Or when you ask me why I get so upset when I find your underwear in the KITCHEN??

Debra: Or when you start snoring at my GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL?!!

Debra: Or when you tape a FOOTBALL GAME over our WEDDING VIDEO!!!!

Ray: (still laying on the floor) Do you really need a tape recorder? You seem to remember everything!

 

[injest]

BAAAWAAAHAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

[David In Indy]

BAAAWAAAHAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Glad you're enjoying these, Jess! 

Here's another one!

Robert: You know when I had trouble sleeping, mom used to do something for me. Remember mom?

Marie: Yeah.

Robert: One of my best memories growing up. She would give me a warm cup of that colored sugar water. It'd put me right to sleep.

Frank: That was booze.

Marie: FRANK!!

Robert: BOOZE??

Frank: A stiff shot of sambuca in there, and it was "Lights out, Bobby!"

Robert: You gave me liquor?

Marie: Not liquor, dear. Liqueur.

Robert: I don't believe it! All those special times, they were just...

Frank: Happy hours!

 

[David In Indy]

Debra announces to the family that she's applying for a job....

(Debra runs into the kitchen holding a blouse)

Debra: Oh my God, Oh my God, I have to iron!

Marie: Don't panic dear, I'll walk you through it.

Ray: What are you doing?

Debra: I've got to iron my blouse for my interview! It's exciting isn't it? Me going back to work?

Marie: Oh yes dear. I can't help worrying about the children though. They're already so thin.

Debra: Oh, that reminds me Ray, you'll have to pick up the twins from preschool.

Marie: And I'll wait for them here. Someone has to be home now that they're latchkey children.

Debra: Marie. Don't try to make me feel guilty about this.

Marie: Oh, no dear! I respect your ambition. I mean, most women would settle for having....EVERYTHING!

(Ray nods in the affirmative)

Debra: What are you nodding at, Ray?

Ray: I'm not nodding. I was just thinking of a song.

Robert: Don't pay attention to them Deb. This is a family of dream squashers.

Ray: Dream squashers?

Robert: That's right! Everything I ever dreamed of they said I couldn't do. The drums...

Marie: Oh please! The drums were the WORST!

Robert: Major league baseball. My career in space.

Ray: You were six feet tall in the third grade. They'd have to fold you in half to stuff you inside the space capsule.

Robert: Mission Control, man! I could have been Houston. You go for it Deb. Drop a rocket on your back and fly. Fly from the dream squashers.

Debra: Thanks Robert. I think I'll just take the train.

Ray: Train? Where is this job?

Debra: In Manhattan.

Marie: That's a long commute. It's an hour there and an hour back!

Debra: Oh yeah. I forgot about that! I'll be able to read.... or just sit quietly.

Ray: And watch public urination.

Robert (looks over at Ray with disgust) Dreeeeeam Squasher!

 

[mariez]

David, I've been laughing my way through through this thread!    These are hilarious.  How do you know these word-for-word? Are you copying from the scripts or from video clips? 

There was a great episode on last night were Ray's friend Gianni was supposed to be remodeling their kitchen and installing a new stove.  And when Debra complains that she doesn't have a stove to cook on Ray says something like "Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

And at the end, after Ray has hurt his back trying to shove the stove that's too wide into place he tells Debra he'll be "out of commission" for a while.  And, of course, she tells him ......"Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

Marie

[David In Indy]

David, I've been laughing my way through through this thread!    These are hilarious.  How do you know these word-for-word? Are you copying from the scripts or from video clips? 

There was a great episode on last night were Ray's friend Gianni was supposed to be remodeling their kitchen and installing a new stove.  And when Debra complains that she doesn't have a stove to cook on Ray says something like "Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

And at the end, after Ray has hurt his back trying to shove the stove that's too wide into place he tells Debra he'll be "out of commission" for a while.  And, of course, she tells him ......"Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

Marie

Hi Marie!! 

You know, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I know many of these ELR episodes by heart. The ones I'm quoting in this thread are among my favorites, and I have watched them so many times I pretty much know them verbatim. That's pretty bad, huh? 

Sometimes I will put on one of my ELR DVDs and type it out as I listen to it, but for the most part I've memorized it. I'm also a big fan of Wings, Northern Exposure and The Golden Girls, and I can often recite many episodes from those too! I have two jobs; one I must travel to the office, and the other I do mostly from the house. Quite often when I'm working, I will put on ELR and listen to it. So, I have no idea how many times I've seen these ELR episodes, but I'm sure it's astronomical. Sooner or later they're bound to "sink in"! 

Yes, I really like that Van Gogh line too! That's from "The Contractor" (Season Eight, Episode Five). I love the scene at the end when Robert chases Gianni out the front door and then looks over at Raymond and says "You're next!" 

[David In Indy]

Robert and Amy have just returned home from their European honeymoon, and Marie is upset because they haven't sent out any thank you notes for the wedding presents they've received. Amy and Debra get into a huge argument with Marie. Marie storms out of the house.....

Amy: (with a confused look on her face) What happened? I don't understand.

Debra: Oh honey. (puts her arm around Amy) You married into the Manson Family.... and Charlie goes off sometimes.

 

Debra and Amy both begin scheming. They feel Marie has too much control and power over the family and so they try to figure out how to stand up to Marie and confront her. Ray doesn't like this at all and so he sneaks out of the house and goes across the street to talk to Frank about it. Marie overhears the conversation and confronts Ray. Ray high tails it back over to his house, hoping Amy and Debra didn't realize he was gone, and he suspects Marie is probably on her way over there...

Ray: Who wants to go get something to eat? Like RIGHT NOW?

(Marie walks into the kitchen through the back door)

Marie: (disgusted voice) Hello.

Ray: Let's go!! Whatever you want! I'm buying, I'm driving and I'm leaving right now! (swings his arms towards the front door) Vroom vroom vroom!!

Marie: Raymond, please stay. After all, you brought something very important to my attention.

(Debra turns slowly,looks at Ray, then gets up from the kitchen table)

Debra: Where did you just come from?

Ray: I went to the bathroom.

Debra: No you didn't.

Ray: I'm doing it now.








 

[David In Indy]

Robert and Amy have now been married for three months, and to celebrate their three month "anniversary" they invite Debra, Ray, Frank and Marie over for dinner at which time they begin giving marriage advice to Ray and Debra....

(Debra and Amy are talking in Amy's kitchen)

Amy: You introduced me to Robert, Debra. You helped me to meet Robert, then get over him, then get back together with him, get over him, and then marry him! And so now I want to help you with your marriage.

(Amy hands Debra a book)

Amy: Here! I read this great book and I thought of you and Ray the whole time!

Debra: (reading the title of the book outloud) Marriage is an amusement park.

Amy: Isn't that a good analogy?

Debra: Oh, I think I get it. All the ups and downs of marriage, like a roller coaster?

Amy: Yeah, but that's only ONE chapter! There's also "The Haunted House", "The Hall of Mirrors".... "Ride Maintenance"....

Debra: How about the rides that make you throw up?

  

Later in the episode, everyone is sitting down to dinner, and Robert and Amy continue to dish out the marriage advice. Ray and Debra are becoming very annoyed...

Debra: Don't you both think you're pouring it on a little thick here?

Amy: What do you mean?

Debra: It's been THREE MONTHS! God, I've spent longer than that just waiting for Ray to come out of the bathroom!

Amy: I don't understand.

Debra: Don't you think your being a little presumptuous, judging OUR marriage like that? And please don't give us any more books with titles like "Marriage Is A Circus. Embrace Your Clown." Listen to me Amy, there's going to be screams coming out of you in the future, and it won't be because you're on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride!

 

[David In Indy]

Debra catches Ray coming home from playing golf when he was supposed to be working...

Ray: Okay. I know what you're thinking....

Debra: Really? Then why aren't you protecting yourself?

[David In Indy]

Marie: (to Debra) This whole topic is inappropriate! What Frank and I do in our bedroom is our own private business! And I prefer not to be known as the Whore of Lynbrook!

Frank: We can move from Lynbrook.