Cellar Scribblings

[Sharon]

After getting the top off the bottle, I thought of my parents finding me that way the next day, and couldn't do that to them.  I shredded the lyrics, and went to the bathroom and flushed the pills, telling myself that God doesn't give you more than you can bear.

20 years later, I look back remembering that I had no idea things would get better.  I remember that pain, and I'm quite surprised I am here to tell the tale.  It hurt like hell, then.  It was the darkest period of my life, and I hope to never be there again....

I´m sorry to hear that you have made that experience, Chuck!
So glad that you thought of your parents, so glad that you flushed the pills,
so glad that you are here!

[Shasta542]

I have never even met you, and you have given me so much joy from reading the things you've written and watching you be silly with the rest of the Brokies in writing and in pictures!! So glad that you stayed to see that things get better, Chuck.

[loneleeb3]

Terms like fag hag and fruit fly are demeaning and mean, but they're no worse than some of the terms we apply to some of our own, like (forgive me), dairy queen.   

I don't think so!
 I have female friends that since I have come out have asked if they can be my fag hag! LOL
I guess it's all in how it's used and the intent.

[loneleeb3]

Awww Chuckie,
I'm so  sorry! If it makes you feel anybetter I have been there myself.
Highscool was the 5th ring of hell for me! I was poor and small and from a very small southern town.
You couldn't fart in Church  that everyone didn't know about it. If you have ever seen footloose and how that town was you get the idea. When I graduated, my class had less than 400 kids.
My dad left when I was 13 so i had to go to work to help take care ofmy mom and my sister.
That meant no time for sports or dating or much of anything. While all the popular kids were wearing their Izods and Jordache and these new tennis shoes called Nike's, I was wearing my k-mart jeans, hand me down shirts and whatever shoes my mom could find at the second hand store.  You could say I was a target.
I endured the same things. Kids can be so cruel and adults are no better. When I graduated at 17 I was 5'10 and weighed about 130. I was a late bloomer.
I was so tormented and teased for being poor, for being scrawny etc.
I had those same feelings as you. Inever went as far but they were there none the less.
 By the end of my freshman year of college I was at my current 6'1.5" and was weing in at 220.
I was no longer scrawny! I went to school on scholorships and grants aso I worked and made my own money and for once could dress the way i wanted.
The scars linger though. Hell, you are a lot braver than I. I didn't have the courage to accept myself til just recently. Had i not seen BBM Who knows, I may never had.
I believe everything happens for a reason. We went through that shit to make us strong.
Now, I dare anyone to mess with me! They'd rather jack off a bobcat in a phone booth than mess with me! 

[Brokeback_Dev]

I don't think it would be nice to be called anything hag..  Hag is a derogatory statement about women.

On another note.  Thank God you didn't go through with your suicide attempt.  The world would not be the same without you Chuck.  Especially for those who care about you like your parents.  Thank you for not being selfish and saving your own life. 

[karen1129]

If I offended you, Jan, or any of the great women here on this board, I apologize!

My life would not be what it is now without the support of all the straight women I have met, and love.  I use terms like that with humor in mind, and often use terms that others may find offensive as humor.

Like the "fanny pack" that I have, which I refer to as my "fag bag", or "mariconera" (I was told this was the Spanish equivilent).

In fact, a few years ago, I explained the difference between a "fag hag" and a "fruit fly" on a music website.  My screen name there was "ChuckD"  A month after, there was a softball game where a bunch of the members met up. 10 of the women arrived and greeted me wearing computer generated t-shirts that said "ChuckD's Fruit Flies".  They knew I had meant it all in fun.

And because of that, I always assume that everyone will respond that way, which is wrong.

So again, I apologize.

CHuckie........  I am your Fruit Fly and wear the title proudly.  I just love hanging with you !!!!
I need to get me a T-shirt !

[Shasta542]

They'd rather jack off a bobcat in a phone booth than mess with me!  

  Quite a visual, there, Lee!!!

True, too!!  

[BelAir]

Thank you for the 'spaination Chuck. I think I will resist the temptation to catagorize the women I know. 

I am sure they will appreciate that!
 

[BelAir]

After getting the top off the bottle, I thought of my parents finding me that way the next day, and couldn't do that to them.  I shredded the lyrics, and went to the bathroom and flushed the pills, telling myself that God doesn't give you more than you can bear.

20 years later, I look back remembering that I had no idea things would get better.  I remember that pain, and I'm quite surprised I am here to tell the tale.  It hurt like hell, then.  It was the darkest period of my life, and I hope to never be there again....

so true, but so hard to remember sometimes. 

It is unbelievable the amount of cruelty people can show to each other.

[karen1129]

Thank you for the 'spaination Chuck. I think I will resist the temptation to catagorize the women I know. 

Honey, you can catagorize me any way you want !!!!
Cause..... I know it would be out of affection .