The Holiday Blues

[Scott6373]

I know that for many people it is hard to be merry, or even happy at this time of year.  I have gotten the holiday blues for quite a while now, and no matter how much I try to "get into the season", my feelings of sadness seem to increase every year.

I know this is a festive forum for all things holiday, but I thought it would be good to have a place where folks can go who don't feel festive.  I hope anyone who has these same feelings will share, and communicate with each other.  I also hope those who do not have these feelings will be supportive and share and communicate with us.


Beating the Holiday Blues

Feelings of sadness and depression are common during the holidays, but not inevitable. UM experts offer a variety of practical tips to help you keep the blues away

Once again the holidays are upon us, which means it's time for festive partying with friends and family, sharing gifts and laughter -- and getting depressed. That's right. For many people, the holidays bring on feelings of sadness and anxiety that can be hard to shake.

According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays are numerous. They range from fatigue -- a result of all of the increased holiday activity -- to financial limitations and family tensions. Experts say one of the fastest routes to holiday depression is unrealistic expectations.

"People often hold on to what they remember as an ideal holiday from years gone by, and are unable to reproduce it," said Jill RachBeisel, M.D., director of community psychiatry at the University of Maryland Medical Center. "There are also expectations around the holidays that 'everything must be perfect', and perfection is, of course, rarely obtainable."

To reduce heightened expectations, Hinda Dubin, M.D., clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, suggests that people be honest with themselves about what they can do during the holiday season.

"Set realistic goals," said Dubin, who is also a psychiatrist at the University of Maryland Medical Center. "If your holiday plans require you to run around shopping and going to parties until you are exhausted, and staying up all night to wrap presents, your plans aren't very realistic. You need to pace yourself and get enough rest so that you won't be grouchy and testy."

Other factors that can contribute to feelings of sadness around the holidays are memories of deceased loved ones and strained family dynamics.

"The holidays are associated with family and togetherness," said RachBeisel, who is also an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. "In today's world of high divorce rates and fragmented family units, stress is commonly experienced as family members attempt to find some compromise in defining shared time.


Creating family traditions is one way to bring family members closer together, said Dubin. These traditions don't have to be formal or elaborate. For instance, she recommends visiting a nursing home to help serve holiday meals to some of the residents, or videotaping holiday celebrations and making an annual event of watching the previous year's celebration.

Holiday Blues vs. Serious Depression
 
The holidays cause many people to feel anxious and depressed in a general sense, but for some, holiday tensions can lead to full-blown clinical depression.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 19 million American adults suffer from depressive illnesses every year. Unfortunately, many people with clinical depression don't seek help, even though depression is a treatable condition.

"Some people still look at mental illness as a character flaw," Dubin said. "The truth is that it is no different from any other kind of illness. If your body couldn't produce enough insulin, no one would tell you to 'get over it'. You'd need to go to the doctor and get treated for your insulin deficiency. It is the same with mental illness."

Symptoms of Depression

Below are a list of depressive symptoms compiled by the National Institute of Mental Health. NIMH experts suggest that you seek professional help if you experience five or more of these symptoms every day for two weeks. If you have recurring thoughts of death or suicide, you should get help immediately.

-Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
-Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
-Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
-Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
-Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
-Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
-Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
-Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
-Restlessness, irritability
-Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and 
 chronic pain

How to Cope

Don't let all of the pressures of shopping, coordinating social functions, negotiating family issues and missing lost loved ones overwhelm you this holiday season. There are a number of things you can do to keep stress, anxiety and depression at bay.

One of the best antidotes for the holiday blues is doing something for someone else.

"Volunteer your time this holiday season to help others who have less than you do," said Dubin. "Taking the focus off of yourself and putting it on others can really make you feel much better. Not only can you help other people, but doing so will add a lot more meaning to your holiday season."

Dubin offers these additional tips to help you banish the holiday blues:

Delegate. Don't try to do it all by yourself. People often want to help and to be involved. By breaking down tasks and doling them out to friends and family, everything becomes more manageable.

Spend Some Time Alone. Some people love the energy and exuberance of big holiday parties and activities. For others, all of it is very taxing. If you find yourself getting a little anxious, take a breather. Find a quiet spot to relax and recharge your batteries. Other people will be so caught up in what is going on that they probably won't even miss you.

Let Go of the Past. Don't be disappointed if your holidays aren't like they used to be. Life brings changes. Embrace the future, and don't dwell on the fact that the "good old days" are gone.

Don't Drink Too Much. It is easy to overindulge around the holidays, but excessive drinking will only make you feel more depressed.

Give Yourself a Break. Don't think in absolute terms. You aren't the best cook in the world, or the worst. You aren't super mom, or the most horrible mother in the world.

If despite your best efforts to remain upbeat this holiday season, you find yourself feeling down for a sustained period of time, get help. Don't try to "tough it out" alone. There are treatment options available to you that could make a significant difference in your outlook.

http://www.umm.edu/features/holiday_blues.htm

[louisev]

A possible cure for the holiday blues!  Open Christmas!

I used to get holiday blues a lot, since growing up in a violent family, holiday pressures usually led to traumatic Thanksgivings, and acrimonious Christmases that were never forgotten, and in later years, the tragic unexpected death of my husband's first wife and his son's hospitalization (fortunately he was not badly injured.)  Holidays, basically, were always the pits for me.

The solution?  Dispose of the traditional!  About halfway through my marriage years, when my stepson was old enough to decide what is important for himself, we invented a concept called Open Christmas.  We had limited money as well as limited time, so our solution was to write down a definite and non negotiable budget for Christmas, put on it the mandatory one-gift item list for all of the relatives, cutting the costs down on that list, and writing down what we wanted for ourselves, estimating the costs for it, and going on a group shopping trip.

It was a blast.  One day, four stores, and we were done, with very few adjustments and a couple of substitutions here and there, and the occasional negotiating two of something cheaper when there was a sale item.  We all agreed that the Open Christmas concept and the single shopping trip - no wrapping, no surprises, no disappointments - led to a far less stressful holiday, and about 1/10th the planning time, stress, and financial anxiety, than the traditional "surprise and secret" Christmas shopping.  And oddly enough, no one on the periphery seemed to notice the budget gifts they got - we had been bending over backwards for no good reason!  to this day when anyone expresses anxiety or stress about upcoming Christmas shopping I share with them the secret of Open Christmas, one of the greatest original ideas I have ever hit upon!  Give it a try!

By the way, now that I'm happily single, I don't shop for anything for Christmas for anyone, with the exception of those bonus years when I feel like I'm rolling in dough.

[Jeff Wrangler]

A possible cure for the holiday blues!  Open Christmas!

The solution?  Dispose of the traditional!  About halfway through my marriage years, when my stepson was old enough to decide what is important for himself, we invented a concept called Open Christmas.  We had limited money as well as limited time, so our solution was to write down a definite and non negotiable budget for Christmas, put on it the mandatory one-gift item list for all of the relatives, cutting the costs down on that list, and writing down what we wanted for ourselves, estimating the costs for it, and going on a group shopping trip.

It was a blast.  One day, four stores, and we were done, with very few adjustments and a couple of substitutions here and there, and the occasional negotiating two of something cheaper when there was a sale item.  We all agreed that the Open Christmas concept and the single shopping trip - no wrapping, no surprises, no disappointments - led to a far less stressful holiday, and about 1/10th the planning time, stress, and financial anxiety, than the traditional "surprise and secret" Christmas shopping.  And oddly enough, no one on the periphery seemed to notice the budget gifts they got - we had been bending over backwards for no good reason!  to this day when anyone expresses anxiety or stress about upcoming Christmas shopping I share with them the secret of Open Christmas, one of the greatest original ideas I have ever hit upon!  Give it a try!

Hey, that does sound like fun!  How many were there on the group shopping trip? Did you do this early in the season, like right after Thanksgiving, or did you wait to do this till closer to Christmas?

[notBastet]

A possible cure for the holiday blues!  Open Christmas!

I used to get holiday blues a lot, since growing up in a violent family, holiday pressures usually led to traumatic Thanksgivings, and acrimonious Christmases that were never forgotten, and in later years, the tragic unexpected death of my husband's first wife and his son's hospitalization (fortunately he was not badly injured.)  Holidays, basically, were always the pits for me.

The solution?  Dispose of the traditional!  About halfway through my marriage years, when my stepson was old enough to decide what is important for himself, we invented a concept called Open Christmas.  We had limited money as well as limited time, so our solution was to write down a definite and non negotiable budget for Christmas, put on it the mandatory one-gift item list for all of the relatives, cutting the costs down on that list, and writing down what we wanted for ourselves, estimating the costs for it, and going on a group shopping trip.

It was a blast.  One day, four stores, and we were done, with very few adjustments and a couple of substitutions here and there, and the occasional negotiating two of something cheaper when there was a sale item.  We all agreed that the Open Christmas concept and the single shopping trip - no wrapping, no surprises, no disappointments - led to a far less stressful holiday, and about 1/10th the planning time, stress, and financial anxiety, than the traditional "surprise and secret" Christmas shopping.  And oddly enough, no one on the periphery seemed to notice the budget gifts they got - we had been bending over backwards for no good reason!  to this day when anyone expresses anxiety or stress about upcoming Christmas shopping I share with them the secret of Open Christmas, one of the greatest original ideas I have ever hit upon!  Give it a try!

By the way, now that I'm happily single, I don't shop for anything for Christmas for anyone, with the exception of those bonus years when I feel like I'm rolling in dough.

Louise, I am curious how many relatives were on the list... did they all get the same gift, or something different for everyone?

[louisev]

we had the immediate family in this shopping trip: i.e., myself, my husband and my son, who made up the household.  I also told my siblings that I was celebrating "Open Christmas" and what did they want?

And that answers NotBastet's question!

[Jeff Wrangler]

I just posted this on the "If the Holidays Begin to Get You Down" thread, but I think it bears repeating here:

If the holidays begin to get you down, watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon, not the Jim Carrey movie). 

[Scott6373]

I just posted this on the "If the Holidays Begin to Get You Down" thread, but I think it bears repeating here:

If the holidays begin to get you down, watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon, not the Jim Carrey movie). 

I wish it were as easy as that Jeff.  For me, the trouble is that I question the religious implications of celebrating this particular day.  That, along with a touch of seasonal effective disorder, can make it a difficult time to get through.  Sometimes watching those programs (and others) almost make the problem worse.

[Penthesilea]

I know this is a festive forum for all things holiday, but I thought it would be good to have a place where folks can go who don't feel festive.  I hope anyone who has these same feelings will share, and communicate with each other.  I also hope those who do not have these feelings will be supportive and share and communicate with us.

Hey Scott, I think this is a very good idea for a thread.

[moremojo]

Scott, if the religious implications of the day give you pause, bear in mind (and I know you already know this) that December 25th is just a convention, and one the Church very self-consciously started to overlay pagan Saturnalia with the new state religion. No one knows when Jesus was actually born, though the Gospels would suggest a date in the spring to be far more likely than one in the winter.

Of course, I understand that even though the date may be inaccurate, the sentiment is still to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And from a Christian viewpoint, this should be a festive occasion (though Easter, logically, would suggest even more festive recognition). So I can only imagine (as a non-Christian) the pressure a Christian might feel to FEEL festive, even if, for whatever reason, they don't.

Of course, Christmas has become a de facto season of secular consumption here in the West (or at least in the U.S.), and there is pressure to conform to the social expectations that have arisen with the holiday--spending and giving, all in a mad rush to keep up with the Joneses, or to not let your kid down so that they own the same toy/game their peers do, or to not look bad in your family members' eyes. I frankly think a lot of this behavior is completely unnecessary and actually a little crazy, and the giving of gifts actually has come to represent less of what is in one's heart than in meeting arbitrary cultural demands. In other words, a lot of hypocrisy has come to play in the holiday.

My solution--just stop. Don't do it. Don't participate. Give a loved one a gift when they least expect it--then they will know it truly comes from your heart, and not just social conformity. What I value about the holidays is having time off from work and spending time with family--this is the true gift, and one invaluably more meaningful than the latest gadget or bauble.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I wish it were as easy as that Jeff.  For me, the trouble is that I question the religious implications of celebrating this particular day.  That, along with a touch of seasonal effective disorder, can make it a difficult time to get through.  Sometimes watching those programs (and others) almost make the problem worse.

Well, not every answer works for everybody. I find this works for me when I'm feeling stressed by too much to do and not enough time to do it in. A deeper cut surely requires more than a bandaid.