Funeral for a friend

[BB Stacker]

I just went to the most amazing memorial service. Could be the people involved, they're  pretty amazing. She's chatty, fun, inquisitive, ok. He's reserved, fun, and pretending not to be interested.
Match made in heaven. They are soulmates in many ways.
  He died this past weekend, and I'm used to "southern funerals" where there is either fire and brimstone or judgement, or actually someone speaking well of the dead.
  I've never been to a memorial where it was actually what the dead person wanted, it was freaking amazing. I cried, I'm still crying, but everyone had their say, we adjourned to our (his) favorite bar (where they reserved half the bar for the party-------unheard of in corporate restaurant land where we were) and we all hung out and talked and it was good.

Why can't all life (and or death) be this way?

[Lynne]

Lisa,
I'm glad that the memorial service was in keeping with the spirit of his life.  I'm sorry I wasn't able to be there for you.  For my opinion, a funeral is mostly for the survivors, and it's nice to hear that his family respsected his wishes and that his loved ones were comforted in this horrible time.  Are donations being made? or anything his family needs specifally right now?  Please let me know if there's anything I can do.
Love,
Lynne

[David In Indy]

I just went to the most amazing memorial service. Could be the people involved, they're  pretty amazing. She's chatty, fun, inquisitive, ok. He's reserved, fun, and pretending not to be interested.
Match made in heaven. They are soulmates in many ways.
  He died this past weekend, and I'm used to "southern funerals" where there is either fire and brimstone or judgement, or actually someone speaking well of the dead.
  I've never been to a memorial where it was actually what the dead person wanted, it was freaking amazing. I cried, I'm still crying, but everyone had their say, we adjourned to our (his) favorite bar (where they reserved half the bar for the party-------unheard of in corporate restaurant land where we were) and we all hung out and talked and it was good.

Why can't all life (and or death) be this way?

Lisa -

I just buried a friend down in South Florida a couple of months ago. A good friend. He was a very good friend. It was an open casket funeral. The room felt cold and silent. There were many flowers and a few candles lit next to the casket. I remember he had a rosary in his hand. His lover couldn't approach the casket. He wouldn't go near it. He wouldn't even look at it. I went up to it though. And I bent over and gently kissed my friend goodbye on his forehead while I clasped his hands in mine. We buried him the next day as tropical storm Alberto passed by just to our north.

It gives me the chills to think about it now.

I am so happy you had a better experience. Funerals and memorial services are for the living. It is always important to try and keep the funeral as close as possible to the wishes of the deceased. But in the end, a funeral is for the living, not the dead. It sounds as if this memorial service you went to celebrated your friends life. This is the way it always should be!

[BB Stacker]

Lynne--
  Thanks as always for the words of support, and I think things are pretty ok with the family.  I think donations to the Heart Association are requested. I'm sure all friends will be checking in to keep things going.

David---Thank you also, and I'm sorry about your friends funeral. That's pretty much what I mean by "southern" it seems to be by the book whether you like it or not. To me that is like you said, cold and quiet. I much prefer what I just experienced.

[ednbarby]

David, it sounds like you were down here where I live right when I was in San Francisco - Alberto was just hitting the west coast of Florida as I was flying out there.  I'm sorry for what you had to go through and for the loss of your friend, but you're very brave for kissing him and clasping his hands like that - something I've never been able to do with people close to me whom I've lost.

Lisa, I went to a memorial similar to the one you attended about six months ago.  It was for my longest, dearest friend's father who was 78, so it wasn't the same, of course, as one for a person with so much more of his life left unlived.  But I thought it was lovely that they had it in the ballroom of his and his partner's favorite hotel in Palm Beach - a place in which they had often danced - and that people were invited to just go up and speak about him in whatever way they wanted.  Most people told funny stories about him (myself included) and there was a lot more laughing than crying.

We all also adjourned to a bar they'd reserved in the hotel for drinks afterwards and laughed (mostly) some more about funny things we remembered about him.  I told my husband that's the way I want mine to be, too.  No caskets, no urns.  Just all the people left who knew me the best sitting around and laughing about all the fun we all had over the adult beverages of their choosing.

I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, Lisa.  But I'm glad his memorial service was as positive an experience as it could be.