Hi Leslie,
Well, I guess today is my day for crying. Good thing I didn't go to work!
Between David's post about coming out over on the LS thread and Chapter 15 of your brilliant story - well, I've been crying and I mean
crying - you know, with the big ol' tears and the red nose and the little hiccupy breathing thing.
Wow - where to begin. Maybe here -
Ennis tried to smile, but like Jack, he could feel the tears coming. “You die, babe, and that'll break my heart, so I ‘spect I'll be followin' right on behind you, 'cause I know I can't live without you.” He pulled Jack in close, and could feel the tears spilling on to his shoulder. “I’m sorry, babe,” he whispered. “I shouldn’ta brought this up.”
“It’s okay, En,” said Jack, through a shuddering breath. “It prob’ly is good t’talk ‘bout, least so we understand.” He pulled back and looked at Ennis, wiping his tears away with the back of his hand. “What I’d like, En, is to just keel over in a field with my boots on, not go through this dyin’ stuff.” He paused. “But I realize it prob’ly don’t happen that way all the time.” He lifted Ennis’s hand and in the same gesture, kissed his fingers, the palm and then his ring. “I promise you, En, yer old and sick, I’ll do ev’rythin’ I can to keep you here at my side. I want you t’die in my arms.”
Sniff.
And Hal asking Ennis to tell him again the story of how he and Jack met. That's just so beautiful and so touching. Ennis was helping Hal, but he was also helping himself by re-telling the story.
I didn't see this coming and that made it just even more moving and emotional:
Hal shook his head, the movement barely noticeable. “No,” he whispered, “but Ennis, do somethin’ for me?”
“Sure, Hal,” said Ennis, “what do you want?”
“Kiss me…” he whispered.
Ennis looked at Hal, slightly surprised at the request, but figured it was easy enough to do. He rose up slightly from the chair and leaned over the bed, kissing Hal lightly on the forehead. He went to sit back down and Hal opened his eyes again. “On the lips…” he said, his voice barely audible.
Ennis hesitated for a second at this request. He had never kissed a man other than Jack before. But as he looked at Hal’s blue eyes he realized that he wanted to kiss this man. He held Hal’s face between his hands and leaned in, pressing his lips against the older man’s, feeling them soft beneath his own, lingering for a minute. He pulled back but kept his face close, looking deep into Hal’s eyes. “Yer a good man, Ennis,” whispered Hal. “I know why Jack loves you.” His eyes closed and his head seemed to sink back into the pillow, as if the talking and kiss had completely exhausted him.
Ennis sat down and picked up Hal’s hand again. He looked at his face then looked out the window. The storm seemed to be ending, leaving as quickly as it came. He watched, seeing the rain move across the field, heading east.
Just amazing, Leslie. Then Ennis telling Jack about the kiss - and Jack understanding so perfectly what had happened between Hal and Ennis.
“Remember the very first day we met—he asked you why you were so quiet, said he wanted to get t’know ya better. I think he was fallin’ for you right at that moment.”
Ennis was surprised. He didn’t know what to say. He had never quite thought of Hal in that way, but now that Jack said it, it all seemed very clear. “Is that okay, Jack? D’ya have a problem with it?”
Jack shook his head. “Of course not, En. Nothin’ came of it, and I think you gave some comfort and happiness to an old man in the last months of his life. Besides,” he added, “how can anyone not fall in love with you? Look at me.”
Ennis smiled as Jack said this. “Well, like I was sayin’—here for years I’ve been tellin’ myself I ain’t queer because there’s no other guy in the world for me except for you, and look what happens. I find out there is another guy—‘cept he’s old enough t’be my father.” They both laughed at this. “My point is, though, Jack—I get it now. I finally understand. I’m like you. I’m gay.”Sigh. What a profound and moving moment.
And I can't stop thinking about Hal and his friend with the brown eyes.
Yes, hospice nurses are very special people - as are all nurses
! I think I already mentioned that my dad died much the way Hal did - from congestive heart failure, at home, under hospice care. I was fortunate to be by his side with my mom and I'll always be grateful for that.
Some happy, bright spots, of course - how wonderful that Hal had so many friends that wished to visit him - that made me very happy.
And, oh yeah - the smex was smoking!!!!
Thank you so much, Leslie!
Marie
