Fanfiction by Helen (1_of_one on LJ)

[one_of_one]

I have updated my journal with a lot of old writing which I was intending to edit, but which I have never got around to carrying out.

http://1-of-one.livejournal.com/

Everything is tagged.

[one_of_one]

Les Grandes Vacances - 2me semaine

http://1-of-one.livejournal.com/70977.html

[mariez]

Thanks for both links, Helen.  Great news.   

Marie

[one_of_one]

Hi everyone


*sigh*

 I was going to wait until Les Grandes Vacances was finished, but i just feel I have to get it over with now.  I'll be deleting my account here on Bettermost and at EnnisJack...by the time you read this I won't be here anymore.

I feel that it's time for me to move on from writing within the fandom.  But please don't worry - I am finishing Going Home and Les Grandes Vacances.  These will both be posted as scheduled.  My other work, however, will not. 

The reasons for this are many and varied, but basically, just as I don't see THE Jack and Ennis when writing Going Home...I most definitely don't see them when I am writing LGV.  I recently saw a picture of Jack in the film and it gave me such a shock, because "my" Jacques is nothing like that at all.  And it gave me pause to think about everything else I am writing.  In Lotus Blossom I am struggling because I want my characters to look different, to act differently, and trying to write them within the confines of the BBM fandom is proving near impossible.  Likewise, I had ideas for another story where the characters were different again, and I found myself beginning to resent Jack and Ennis, resent the fandom, resent my readers, because of this. 

And that is so totally wrong!  I don't want to feel that way about anyone or anything.  After long, hard thought I have come to the conclusion that I must accept that I want to write about other people.  Also, when I was putting up all my old work and reading my canon stories I felt extremely bad about what I was doing to Jack and Ennis by means of writing the AUs and AU!AUs.  Who I am writing about is not the two characters in the short story or the film.  Their tragedy feels diminished by me writing them as other people.  It feels wrong to be using them in this way and I have to stop.  If I have to write then I have to write original characters who happen to be 15 year old slutty flirty boys, or drug addicts, or tractor salesmen from Glasgow.  Or taxi drivers and asians.  Or whatever.  Or I have to write canon, there's no inbetween for me now.

I think by trying to escape the pain of their story I have gone so completely in the opposite direction that they are not who they were to me.

Finally, to those of you who were reading Twilight by black_baldie - that's me.  And I know I said only a couple of days ago that I would be continuing, chances are that I won't.  Unless I change the names and post it as original fiction.  I am also texas_bluebird.  Someone wondered if it was me writing Twilight and thus set in a lie which hangs heavy with me. 

I truly do appreciate all the support and feedback everyone has given me over the past year and a third...I never would have thought when I wrote my first little story about what happened after Jack died (Closure) that I would end up with the colossus that is Going Home or any of the other stories I have penned over time.  And I never would have thought that so many people would have enjoyed what I was writing.  It's been, for the most part, such a wonderful experience.

All my BBM writing is either on my 1_of_one journal, or linked to via that journal.  I have disabled comments on everything, and will no longer be enabling them for any of my updates.  I have wrestled with myself about doing this, but for now I need a clean break.  I'm so sorry to deny anyone who wants to say something to me, but I can't think of a way round the fact that right now I just need and want not to interact with anyone.  I'm sorry.

I hope you continue to enjoy the last two chapters of LGV and the remaining story of Jack and Ennis in Going Home.  I'm truly sorry if me doing what I'm doing affects that enjoyment.

Best wishes to you all

Helen xxxxx

(btw I am not a member of the DC, and am unable to join as my ISP has been banned (!), so if anyone there wishes to know what is happening then please feel free to copy this post in whole or in part so they are not left in the dark.  Thanks)

[Mikaela]

((Helen))

Just wanted to say thank you for the fics you've given us, and wish you luck with the writing you'll do in future. I respect your decision. I understand it. ( In a recent discussion I was actually wondering whether to raise the question of distance between fic and canon characterization, but decided not to.) I think much of BBM fanfic has moved considerably from the OS premise and characters, - not necessarily making the OS's inspiration any less real or felt, nor the fic writing any less powerful, but the direct tie between the two becoming ever more tenuous.

At some point I suppose it becomes logical, however painful, to cut loose.

Again, best of luck with your writing in future. 


PS: Your post has been copied over at DC, since you said that was OK.

[mariez]

I understand Helen's decision, I'm thankful for her stories, and I'm pleased she's going to continue.  I'm sorry she's no longer able to hear our appreciation, but I also understand her need for some quiet time.

Marie

[Scott6373]

I completely understand everything Helen has written.  Though I have not read her stories, the same questions and ghosts have plagued me since writing my own, and the decision to continue after many months of nothing.  Helen, close doors, but please do not lock them

[Marge_Innavera]

Helen, I'm not sure if you'll see this message, but I just wanted to thank you for all the encouragement you've given me over the past year.  You've definitely affected the life of at least one person in the fandom in a very positive way.

[coffeecat33]

Helen, I'm not sure if you'll see this message, but I just wanted to thank you for all the encouragement you've given me over the past year.  You've definitely affected the life of at least one person in the fandom in a very positive way.

xx DITTO   

[notBastet]

Hi Helen!  (on the off chance you may pop in and read this)

Just wanted to say I sympathize with your need for a clean break.....

Thank you for already having shared so much with us.

No matter what you write, or who your characters are, I would love the opportunity to continue reading, if you feel inclined to keep sharing with us, of course. (finished product, half finished product, whatever)

I guess my point is, your fans are your fans.  We'll still be your fans, no matter what you write.  (And I think you should write whatever you feel the need to write, no need to feel locked in by Brokeback Mountain)

Good luck with everything!  I'll miss you!
Kelly