Title: "Ain't Nothing Special."
Author: Kea
Warnings: Coarse language, explicit sexual scenes, trauma
Part 2
It was a chilly morning. Jack shifted under the bedrolls searching for
a warm body. The ground next to him long cold. He screwed up his eyes
at the light filtering in. "Ennis?" he called out, there was only the
silence of the river.
Pulling on clothes, running a hand through his rumbled brown hair,
Jack crawled out into the day. The fire by the campsite was lit; a few
embers struggled to sustain it. By it, a pot of coffee, two hard
biscuits and what looked like a weak attempt to cook some eggs. Jack
looked around, settled down by the fire, kicking another log in with
his boot. He was hungry in more ways than one, disappointed that Ennis
had gone and he had to warm himself up. He pulled out a cigarette, lit
it, pulled a long draw and watched the smoke rise. His mind flickered
with thoughts of last night.
Jack Twist, yer a fuckin idiot.Yer gonna blow it fer sure. Need to
ease up. He thought. Give em some space. Yer let on how yer really
feel; he'll be gone fer sure.
Problem is, can't help myself around him, Jack mused, drawing a deep
long puff and exhaling his frustration. He knew making love to Ennis
was more wonderful to him than breathing but for Ennis is was hard
He remembered after their first night in the tent, watching Ennis ride
away in the morning, with a look that about tore him up. He seemed to
find it hard to look at Jack sometimes after they had been together.
Having Ennis gone always sent a chill through him. Like something was
still tugging somewhere deep inside of him. Always, always the fear
that battle within Ennis would win and he'd be gone. It hurt Jack, he
said nothing
Then he saw it, on the stump he had been leaning up against last
night. He smiled. The little wooden horse Ennis had made and by it a
stalk of silvery lupine. The blue challenging the hue of Jack's eyes.
He moved over, picked it up. Sniffing the tiny cluster of blooms. How
much like him and Ennis he thought, doing best in the wild, nothin
special to even notice and so fragile. Jack wondered for a moment what
would become of them when it came time to come down off Brokeback. The
idea chilled him .He returned to his hot coffee and biscuits, tuggin
the old sheep skin coat around him.
In his hands, the two gifts Ennis had left him. He tucked the flower
into the coil of leather round his hat. Holding the little horse in
his hand, he looked at it, closely. He could see each rough nick that
Ennis had carved into it. It warmed his heart. It was just like him,
not saying much but always his own way of showin how he was feelin.
Jack looked closely at a tiny blotch on the side of the horse's head.
It was blood. He felt something surge up inside him. Even after Ennis
had nicked himself, he had continued. In spite of the pain. Jack felt
hopeful; maybe He and Ennis would be alright. In spite of what was
waiting off Brokeback
He drank down the last dreads of the thick coffee, started in on the
day's chores. There were lots to do. He cast a quick look up, took in
the approaching dark clouds. Best be chopping more firewood he
thought. He worked quietly, his mind drifting from time to time
towards thoughts of Ennis. Reliving the feeling of his mouth on his or
his breath hot against damp skin. He raised his hand to his chest and
felt. It was still there where he had tucked it, the little wooden
horse close up to his heart. By late noon, he had done most of what
needed doing, hauled up several buckets of water, got feed ready for
his horse and Ennis's when he got back. Chopped a stack of firewood
for the next few days. Time for fixin supper.
Jack checked the traps, hoping lighting would strike twice. They were
empty. No rabbit tonight. He looked around wondering what he could
find for supper. They both hated the tins of cheap beans. He moved to
the river. There was fish down near deeper water.
As the sun slipped down over the low peaks, Ennis rode in. He set out
the feed and water Jack had left for the horses. There was no sign of
him, though the fire was going, a pot of peeled spuds boiling away.
Ennis cast a worried look around. Wasn't like Jack not to be by the
fire cookin or waitin.
"Jack" he yelled.
No reply came. Panic. Taking his gun off the saddlebag, Ennis walked
down to the river. He came to a dead stop near a clearing of trees and
watched, fascinated. There in the icy water stood Jack. On the bank,
tossed aside, his clothes. Ennis looked. Jack was young, rough manual
work had chiseled out a hard and muscled body. Jack had the smoothest
skin, the softest hair, he remembered. Ennis stood there taking it all
in. Jack's long legs, tight ass, flat stomach and strong hard arms.
Hair the colour of aged oak and eyes like pools of water reflecting a
blue sky. It was strange. He and Jack had made love many times now
but he had never really looked at him. Really, looked at him.
" Are yer just gonna stand there or are yer gonna help catch yer
supper?" Jack called out. His voice startling Ennis.
" Thought I saw me a bear ……down by here river" Ennis yelled back, his
face flushed.
Jack looked around, worried.
"Dangit, was the scrawniest bear I ever did see" he said grinning,
hopping on one foot as he yanked off his boots.
Jack looked at him, "How long yer been standing there?"
"Hardly no time at all" Ennis lied. " Fish for supper huh? Rabbits got
smarter than yer, did they?"
Within an hour they caught two medium sized fish, cleaned and gutted
them in the river and were now enjoying the sizzle on the fire. A
sizzle that meant, no beans tonight. Jack talked away, as he dished
out the large boiled spuds, baked onions and grilled fish.
"Ennis, yer ever thought of maybe getting yer own place someday?" Jack
asked, between mouthfuls.
"Well I've …been saving some ..but its slow and good payin jobs…they
hard to come by "
"Alma..She like it out in the country.?"
"Hell no…Alma ..She's a town girl… never raised round stock much…."
Jack kept silent for a long time, staring into the fire.
"You and her ever?" he asked.
" Me and Alma…….?" Ennis blushed, kicking the fire with his boot.
"Heck …Alma. …She's ….she's……a good girl…yer know..err.. Raised
right…I've have held her hand some."
" Held her hand, Ennis?" Jack grinned.."you mean you aint never
…gotten..a bit.."
" Now hold on there….I jus told yer….Alma …she aint like that at
all….sure when we's married and all…." He trailed off thinking of what
being married to Alma would be like.
Jack took a gulp of whisky, swallowed slow and asked.
" So the only time yer ever…been with me? " he asked hopeful, tilted
eyes watching Ennis face carefully.
Ennis lowered his hat down shielding his eyes, suddenly uncomfortable.
"Told yer… I ….I …aint had much opportunity…hell I aint pretty like
yer…" he growled.
Jack looked down into the fire as a small smile slowly spread across
his face.
He was the first. No matter who came after. He had been first and yer
always remember the first one.
" Time fer bed…" Ennis said, stretching out, yawning. " Yer coming?"
Jack grinned at the veiled invitation. Maybe it was all this talk that
had gotten Ennis "sleepy". He was kinda getting used to the way Ennis
would suggest things to him without actually saying so.
" Yeah…comin.." he said. "Jus let me clear up out here…"
Jack stood, a little wobbly from the two mugs of whisky they that
downed while talking. He steadied himself and pulled on the edge of
his jacket, snagged against the stump. It didn't budge. Jack pulled on
it hard, cussing.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a small dark object fly out, land
in the fire.
Ennis stumbled into the tent, pulling off his boots and jacket when
the campfire flared up. He turned, caught sight of Jack in the flames.
Bolting out of the tent, with boots undone, yelling, Ennis threw
himself at Jack; grabbing anything he could hold onto, arm, hair, coat
and dragged the screaming man out. Ennis pushed him to the ground,
using his bare hands to beat down the flames that had shot up one side
of his arm.
" Shit!!…Fuck ..Jack…. what the fuck are yer doing?" Ennis yelled as
Jack seem to struggle to get back to the fire.
"Dammit!! …You drunk or somthin?" he struggled with Jack.
He could hear Jack's pleas but hardly make out the words. Then looking
down, he froze in horror at the sight of Jack's hands, burnt raw.
"Fuck Jack!" he said hauling him to his feet, half dragging him to the
river. The water was icy; they both shuddered as he dragged Jack in,
holding the burnt hands under the rushing cold river water.
" Are yer out of yer fuckin mind?" he shouted, worried, frantic and
angry all at once. The pain searing through him as if he had been burnt.
" My horse…" Jack wept, his face pressed into Ennis coat, his hands
stinging.
" I aint worried about no fuckin horse…yer near got both yer hands
burnt off…. what are we gonna do, huh? Out here…no doctor fer miles…"
Ennis said.
"My horse…the one yer made me…in the fire…" he choked out.
Ennis understood.
" Shit! that aint nothing special Jack……Why? Why? jus for a stupid
piece of wood…"
"Because I …… Ennis..…I wont lose any part...I cant."
Ennis felt his insides pull and ache. Like the twist of an oiled rope.
He knew what Jack was saying to him even if he didn't hear the
words. He stood in the freezing river, held onto Jack.
"Shhh…I know ….its ok.we're ok."
Back by the fire, the cold icy water numbed the pain that Ennis knew
would soon come in full force. Them hands looked real bad to him. He
wanted to take a look at them again, see if there was something he
could do but it worried him. Seeing Jack in pain caused him a funny
sort of pain too.
He'd have to get Jack good and drunk so it wouldn't be so bad. But
hell, he didn't know what to do about them hands. Ennis stood up;
pulled off his wet things, spread them out on the stump by the fire.
Then, he dried Jack`s clothes, bundling him up with an old woolen
blanket, used on the horses some nights. He came back with a new
bottle of whisky, a bundle tucked under his arm.
"I can't drink any more Ennis." Jack said, eyes still filled with tears
"Hell! Here I am freezing, after havin to drag yer sorry ass in and
out of that there river and yer gonna make me drink alone?"
Jack relented taking a quick gulp from the bottle, the liquid warming
him up as it moved down.
"Best be looking at yer hands now. Can have them getting infected"
Jack held out his hands, blackened in some parts but mostly cleaned up
by the running water.
Ennis grimaced when he saw the raw and peeling skin. It looked bad,
worse now that the dirt had been washed off. He swallowed a gulp of
whisky and steadied himself. He undid bundle he'd taken from his
saddlebag, pulled out a small piece of sheepskin. He had skinned it up
on the hill a couple of days ago, after one of the lambs had up and
died. No point wasting it, he had thought. Maybe good under the saddle
or in his shoes. He was sure glad he had saved that skin. He pulled
out his knife and cut it down the middle, wrapping Jacks hand gently
in a piece, securing it with an extra pair of shoelaces from his pack.
The grease from the skin would soothe the pain and the fleece keep the
wound clean and padded. He did the other hand noting that Jack had
gone pale.
" Time fer bed now…. this time yer comin with me." Ennis grunted,
hauling Jack to his feet, helping him into the tent. Jack was quiet.
Ennis confused that he was so cut up about that silly horse. Still he
wanted to do something, anything to help. He put aside Jacks hat,
smiling at the now wilting flower tucked into the brim.
Jack sat there in stony silence, his mind drifting through a mental
slideshow of all his losses, all the times he had messed up. Fallin
off that mare when he was 9. Now this. He knew the horse going into
the fire was his fault. If only.
He began to sob quietly. Ennis felt his insides break. He leaned over
and kissed him on the mouth, softly. Then, he kissed each spot a tear
had rolled down.
" Jack" he said finally. "I'm still here.Aint going no where."
Jack looked up; his large bundled hands wouldn't even let him hold
Ennis tonight.
"I can't even touch yer" he said broken.
" Hell ..that aint important". Ennis said shrugging his shoulders.
With that he pushed Jack down on the bedroll, and laid his head on
Jack chest, listening to the breathing. If anything should ever happen
to yer, Jack……I swear… he thought.
He rolled onto his side and kissed Jack again, hard and full on the
lips, his two large hands holding Jack's face. Jack felt his longing
grown as he drowned his pain in Ennis kisses. Hungry, his mouth sought
out Ennis. He ran his tongue gently on Ennis's lips into his waiting
mouth. Their kisses started slowly, then like falling into a soft down
bed, they fell, longer deeper kisses, trying to reach into each
other's forever. Ennis let his hand wonder over Jack, stirred by the
memory of him naked in the river that evening. His rough hands traced
each line, each raised tendon, each muscle of Jack's body. He could
hold it, have it all to himself tonight.
Jack shivered, feeling helpless to do very much. Savoring the feel of
Ennis warm hands on his bare skin. Each spot Ennis ran his hand across
seemed to burn long after. He wanted more. Ennis sat up and pulled the
blanket off his shoulders. Naked and warm, he lay down next to Jack,
pressing up against him, wrapping them both up. He then moved himself
carefully over on top of Jack, his long body over his friend, his
lover. He kissed Jack again, then moved down to his stomach, his
tongue, moving, feeling and tasting all that was Jack. Jack opened his
eyes, marveled at such tenderness. He ached so much to touch Ennis, to
feel how good he felt under his hands but he couldn't. Ennis came back
up to him, kissed him, with a fierce hunger, then he raised himself up
and looked into Jack's eyes. They locked eyes, Jacks deep blue against
Ennis dark smoky brown. Each a wild mixture of pain, ache, longing and
something else hard to define. They looked at each other, drawing each
other's soul out into the moment.
Ennis traced his finger slowly along the line of Jack's jaw. His
finger caressing the faint shadow of stubble already forming. Stopping
at his lips. Brushing his finger slowly against the softness. Smiled
at the hot wisps of air that escaped the eager mouth. Jack's breathing
now heavy and anxious. Jack tuned his head slightly, his tongue
flicking against Ennis finger before taking it into his mouth. He
sucked on Ennis finger, teased it with his tongue and tasted him.
Ennis watched fascinated at this new way of lovemaking, yet it aroused
him. Deeply. He moved his hand down, coiled his fingers into the
coarse warm hair, tuggin and smiling at Jack's reaction. His hand
slowly moving down to Jacks hard cock. He stroked it with his
fingertips, wet his lips, and let it slide into his mouth, his eyes
fixed on Jacks face all the time. It had now become clenched and
eager, slowly he began to suck, his tongue flicking the delicate
areas, each taste, each sensation, pushing Jack to soft low moans.
Jack's mind spun with the wild sensation of Ennis hot tongue. His body
ached with want dreading the moment he would not feel Ennis.
"Ennis …I….I…. want to tell you somthin… " Jack said aching, his words
forced out through clenched teeth. But there was no time as he felt
the wave quickly overtake him. He shook with pleasure; his head
jerking back, eyes shut, every fiber of him clenched the closeness of
Ennis. Falling, sinking, drowning.
Jack opened his eyes; Ennis was looking down on him, stroking his
hair. He tried to speak again. Ennis put his finger to his lips to
silence him. No words were needed now. He simply wanted to hold Jack,
make it through this night. Knew the next couple of days would be
hard. Them hands were in a bad state.
Ennis held Jack in his arms, Jack's head against his. He closed his
eyes listening to him breathe, feeling their heart beat almost in
time. Within minutes, he was asleep. Jack lay there, his hands
beginning to throb. He concentrated on the steady sound of Ennis
breathing, while in his heart, Jack whispered out his secret, over and
over again…through the silence of love and longing…... I would walk
through fire for you Ennis…..through fire.
End of part 2.