Author Topic: I miss you on weekends  (Read 145201 times)

Offline Lynne

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #100 on: January 03, 2007, 06:14:16 pm »
I can't get to youtube from work, but I'll check out the video when I get home tonight, promise.

I was thinking of you last night because I stayed all night with a friend, did my usual insomnia routine, and ended up reading a book of poetry she'd found for me in the discount bin at Dollar General.  It's full of really lovely poems - beautifully simple - by a young man dealing with adolescence, parents, and being gay.

Talking in the Dark by Billy Merrell

Here's the amazon link.  Take a look, let me know what you think.  If it appeals to you, I'd be happy to pass it on.

-Lynne

http://www.amazon.com/Talking-Dark-Poetry-Billy-Merrell/dp/0439490367/sr=8-1/qid=1167862019/ref=sr_1_1/104-4786199-9641539?ie=UTF8&s=books
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #101 on: January 03, 2007, 11:47:30 pm »
Great vid Phoenix! It made me cry!! :'(


I'm actually happy for your tears shed, its always good to draw emotions from art. Even if you were crying because the video was dog awful, and you thought you might die!  ::) but thanks, its certainly not my best, though. Not to sound too much like a pompous idiot  :laugh:

1/3

LYNNE!



i'm very interested in this book of poems. That's so cool! Thanks for the link, and i hope you like my video.


Shakestheground (i just got your name, and realized what it was saying  ;) )


thanks for watching my video, and i remember when i first fell in love with BBM, i couldn't listen to a song without thinking of poor Ennis, or deprived Jack. Even if it was a Nirvana song, it always came back to them...


Lucise, my New Year was actually alright. I only stayed up to 1 AM, but i did have 3 wine coolers  ;D

i love them. Hopefully i don't love them too much  ;)

I'm starting a book in my English class called Lord of the Flies. i bet some of you were forced to read it. I think its somewhat interesting, but kind of odd.

I almost panicked when i first saw Bill for the first time in 11 days! I was kind of over come with emotion. We had a nice talk about rock and roll all lunch period. LOL.

I cleaned the downstairs of my house today, just for fun and to make my mother happy. She didn't ask us to, but me (and my little brother, who i fear is also gay)* got to work, and i'm exhausted.


*I don't think being gay is bad anymore, but it will be very difficult for him, if he is homosexual, because he's super shy, and only really talks to me. Also, he's hearing impaired, so its going to be difficult, for sure.

I heard a theory that young boys with many brothers have a higher 'risk' of being gay then a 'normal' boy does. Any thoughts???
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Lynne

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #102 on: January 04, 2007, 01:47:19 am »
*I don't think being gay is bad anymore, but it will be very difficult for him, if he is homosexual, because he's super shy, and only really talks to me. Also, he's hearing impaired, so its going to be difficult, for sure.

I heard a theory that young boys with many brothers have a higher 'risk' of being gay then a 'normal' boy does. Any thoughts???

There was a BBC article about this awhile back and a little bit of discussion in Chez Treblay.  I'm sure we can do more research and solicit more opinions if you're interested - there are several health care/biologist-type professionals on the forum who might have more informed opinions than the general public also.

http://72.232.132.224/forum/index.php/topic,2899.msg49401.html#msg49401

-Lynne
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #103 on: January 09, 2007, 07:21:33 pm »
Hello




So i watched Brokeback Mountain for the 11th time on Saturday (the 6th). It was nice to input it in again.  ;)




Oh god, bear with me

1/8

Bill is grounded for 'letting' his dog eat a casserole. Jeese.

Well, his sister called me at 10 PM. We talked a lot. And she told me that Bill talks about me a lot....i almost cried when she said that  :( . And she said how he is lonely, and doesn't have a life. I could so relate...it was weird. She invited me to go to the movies with her and Bill, which i accepted. She came out and told me that their mom is a lesbian, which i already knew, but i guess the girlfriend beats everyone-including Bill. She said Bill needs a friend, and i so hope to be his friend, but sometimes its hard to express myself. His sister told me that I'm not annoying, and i didn't believe her. LOL! She's nice, and we talked till 12:10, which is when my mom threw a fit. It was nice to talk to someone new.

12/9

today wasn't too good, to be honest. My highlight was saying when i told Bill 'your sister said something about going to the movies, but i wasn't going to go unless you wanted me to.' His reaction was 'why wouldn't I want you to go? I wanted for someone to go...I've been alone a long time now.' And i smiled and said i would go then. He looked happy :D , and he even touched my shoulder as he walked by. Damn him.
« Last Edit: January 09, 2007, 07:24:23 pm by RebelWithSadness »
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Lynne

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #104 on: January 09, 2007, 07:45:35 pm »
There was a BBC article about this awhile back and a little bit of discussion in Chez Treblay.  I'm sure we can do more research and solicit more opinions if you're interested - there are several health care/biologist-type professionals on the forum who might have more informed opinions than the general public also.

http://72.232.132.224/forum/index.php/topic,2899.msg49401.html#msg49401

-Lynne

Hey Phoenix,

I was re-reading my post and decided that I'm not happy with it.  So I'm going to try again.  I haven't been able to interest anyone in commenting other than that the particular study itself is flawed, which I already knew.  The general consensus, IMO - and this is only MY OPINION - is that sexual orientation and identity (like any other tendency such as being musically inclined or hating crowds) are quite complex and likely a result of a combination of genetics, environmental factors pre-birth, environment and experiences from childhood onward, and the list probably goes on forever...

The really important thing, I think, is that you are happy with who you are - acknowledge your sexual identity in your own time and your own way so that you are completely COMFORTABLE with yourself - and not worry overmuch about the why's or why not's.

And also know that you have a really loving community here of people who care about you and how you're doing.  I, for one, look forward to catching up with what you've been doing and how things are going for you - so post often!

Hugs,
Lynne
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #105 on: January 10, 2007, 12:08:28 am »
That is really an interesting development that Bill's mother is a lesbian. I would imagine that would take the pressure off some what about rejection fears.

Enjoy the movie. I am itching to go see Pan Labarenth. However you spel it.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

Offline Lumière

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #106 on: January 10, 2007, 12:59:46 am »
Hiya Phoenix ..

Just leaving a note to say I'm still reading here and still rooting for you bud.  ;)

One more thing .. did you say Bill's mom's girlfriend 'beats' them?  ???
Forgive me if I misunderstood what you were saying ..


Offline Kelda

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #107 on: January 10, 2007, 04:55:46 am »
I hope i didn't bore you guys too much, but i had to get this stuff down. I was too afraid to forget it.

No - I loved it Pheonix - sounds like you have had a packed few weeks.

Hope you are good.
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Offline RebelWithASmile

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #108 on: January 11, 2007, 07:51:30 pm »
thank you all for commenting.


Lynne, i hope that book arrives soon, I'm slowly dying. And i have to agree, though i DID read the article, i believe that homosexuality 'develops' in the womb, and esp. in the childhood of someone. I have shown many symptoms of being gay all throughout my life (playing with barbies, close relationship with mother, envisionist.) Don't deny it, all gay men are like that ;)


Lucise, yeah, i meant Bill's mom's girl friend is a transvestite, and beats on everyone. He doesn't know if he can even go to the movies this weekend. I won't go if he can't.  :(   Always something keeping us apart!


And it has been a packed year. Several mood swings, and i don't know if the last two days are for the better or worse, you guys decide, because there's something definitely changing in mine and Bill's relationship.

1/10-11

Well, we get our schedules for the next semester, and i find out Bill has lunch with me!!!!! I thought he didn't, but he does, so its awesome.

I got a email from my cousin (who's a lesbian) which is cool. She knows what I'm going through, and I'm just happy for once that I'm not being misunderstood (I often am).

This is random, but I notice i go crazy if i feel left out from anything.


A friend of mine says she might switch lunches next semester, which kind of stinks. She is my best friend.


Well, today Bill told me he is going to the career center next school year....and he kind of tried to get me to go, and I MIGHT!


He's studying computers, which oddly, i've loved to do (since i'm always on one  ::) )  we both want to create video games---yeah, we're both losers--but two losers....


When talking about the career center, he told a girl (indirectly) that he would miss me the most out of everyone  :'(

that was a nice thought.


He's still looking forward to the movies this weekend. I'm dying to go. He says he still needs to talk to his mom about it, and i agreed. I literally said 'if she cares, she'd listen to you'. He has problems with his mom's girl friend, as i stated before. Bill still thinks that i think his mom has a boy friend, and isn't gay. I'm not going to confront him about it, because i don't want to put him in the spotlight.


I was wondering what you all thought about me going to the career center. I hadn't quite planned it, but i was kinda interested, and i've always dreamed to do awesome graphic designs on the computer. But he is the main reason i'd go. Also a Girl i like is going, and i could use that as a reason. I don't want him to forget me....i don't think he wants to, but he will. He confides in me a lot, mainly because our loneliness reads the same. He lives in the middle of nowhere, and i am nowhere.


Sorry for ranting!

My first job (in the summer) is going to be with sheep. Quite ironic, but i'm going to help shed them. Then next year it will be Alpacas  :laugh: for $ 100 a day. Awesome


talk to you all later


love, Phoenix
"He was very afraid of being hurt. He was afraid of opening up in case it was turned around and used against him."


Heaven holds a sense of wonder

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0VVoScBd4k

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: I miss you on weekends
« Reply #109 on: January 11, 2007, 10:30:17 pm »
I want the sheep job! Jeez, a hunnered dollars a day! Itchy I bet.....

I know exactly what you mean about being left out, it feels like rejection, like an assault on your self worth. It is hard at your age, and takes time to grow out of, thru self confidence, knowing what you want. People your age are often portrayed as having a "pack mentality", which I know is a sterortype. Its okay to feel that way, just don't let it get the best of you.

Yes, go to the career center, but no just because Bill is going. Ask yourself, what if I do this and at the last minute he does not. Will this still be the a path I am intereted in taking? I hope the answer will be yes, but cannot wish for you. It is hard, nigh-on impossible for someon under 25 to know what they want to do with their life, but computors and gamining is a good area to develop skills in.

And that's my rant. 8)
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."