Author Topic: A collection of clever rhymes  (Read 792 times)

Offline Front-Ranger

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A collection of clever rhymes
« on: October 05, 2021, 10:19:47 am »
Please add to this collection! For starters, I was reading about the new musical "Six" on Broadway about King Henry VIII's wives, and this was a lyric: "My loyalty is to the Vatican/So if you try to dump me, you won?t try that again." Sung by Catherine of Aragon.

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #1 on: October 05, 2021, 11:10:15 am »
And from the same article, Anne of Cleves sings: ?Now I?m not saying I?m a gold digger, but check my prenup and go figure.?

Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #2 on: October 05, 2021, 12:01:48 pm »
What a wonderful idea!

Some of the words here may be a stretch, so you may feel this doesn't count, but the rhyming lyrics to "Brush Up Your Shakespeare," by Cole Porter, from the musical Kiss Me, Kate, are classic.

https://www.themusicallyrics.com/c/530-cole-porter-lyrics/7643-brush-up-your-shakespeare-lyrics.html

(Porter would probably have written the line as "Now I'm not sayin' I'm a gold digger, but check my prenup and go figger."   ;D )
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline southendmd

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #3 on: October 05, 2021, 12:19:25 pm »
Great thread idea!  Years ago, I started a thread on Porter's "You're the Top" and also "Let's Do It". 

Besides Porter, I've always admired Stephen Schwartz's lyrics.  Here are the lyrics to "Popular" from the show "Wicked".  I've  highlighted some of the fun, and sometimes internal, rhymes.


Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I
(And let's face it, who isn't less fortunate than I?)
My tender heart tends to start to bleed
And when someone needs a makeover
I simply have to take over
I know I know exactly what they need
And even in your case
Though it's the toughest case I've yet to face,
Don't worry, I'm determined to succeed
Follow my lead, and yes, indeed, you will be...

Popular!
You're gonna be popular!
I'll teach you the proper ploys
When you talk to boys
Little ways to flirt and flounce
Oooh! I'll show you what shoes to wear
How to fix your hair
Everything that really counts to be...

Popular!
I'll help you be popular!
You'll hang with the right cohorts
You'll be good at sports
Know the slang you've got to know
So let's start
'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go...
Don't be offended by my frank analysis
Think of it as personality dialysis
Now that I've chosen to become a pal, a sister and adviser
There's nobody wiser
Not when it comes to...

Popular
I know about popular
And with an assist from me
To be who you'll be
Instead of dreary, who you were... well, are
There's nothing that can stop you
From becoming popu-ler... lar...
La la, la la!
We're gonna make you pop-u-lar...

When I see depressing creatures
With unprepossessing features
I remind them on their own behalf to think of
Celebrated heads of state
Or 'specially great communicators
Did they have brains or knowledge?
Don't make me laugh!
They were popular!
Please, it's all about popular!
It's not about aptitude
It's the way you're viewed
So it's very shrewd to be
Very, very popular like me!

Why, Miss Elphaba, look at you. You're beautiful!
And though you protest
Your disinterest
I know clandestinely
You're gonna grin and bear it
Your new found popularity
Ohh!
La la, la la!
You'll be popular
Just not quite as popular as me!


Offline southendmd

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #4 on: October 05, 2021, 12:32:59 pm »
Here's another, "If You Hadn't But You Did" from "Two on the Aisle" (1951) by Comden, Green and Styne: 

(slow tempo)
There he goes as usual, my man
Breaking my foolish heart
I really don't know what to do about him
I've told myself I've got to do without him
There he goes as usual, my man
Tearing my heart apart
He's made my life a mess
I've got to do this I guess
Goodbye Joe, from here I kiss you
Goodbye Joe, I hope I don't miss you

(fast tempo)
If you had been on the square
And had treated me fair
And we'd not had a tiff
If you had not said
I should go and jump right off
The nearest cliff

If you had stayed off the make
And you never had taken
To coming home stiff
If I had not smelled perfume
With a nasty unfamiliar whiff
I'm gonna miss you, baby
Things could've been teriff
Ah, what's the diff?

If you had not had the cheek
To stay out for a week
Saying, "Back in a jiff"
If you were not such a two-timing guy
If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
But you have
And you were
And you went
And you did
And so goodbye

If I had not seen you
Take Geraldine on the lake
In your flat-bottomed skiff
If you were not out with Sue
With your arms around her bare midriff
If I had not seen you pen sexy letters
To Gwen in your own hieroglyph
If you had not left me home
When I had two seats for "South Pacif"

I'm gonna miss you, baby
You were too darn prolif
Ah, what's the diff?
If you were not such a hound
Who when game was around
Always picked up the sniff
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
But you were
And you have
And you went
And you did
And so, goodbye

If when I asked where you'd been
You had not cliffed my chin
With a beautiful biff
Hey, if I had not always found purple
Lipstick on your handkerchief
If you had not told me lies
And then looked in my eyes
With a smile beautif
If when I caught you with Kate
You had not said, "It's of no signif"

I'm gonna miss you, baby
And I could get specif
Ah, what's the diff?
If the best years of my life
Weren't spent as your wife
With no marriage certif
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
But you had
And then we coulda
And you didn't
Though you shoulda
If you didn't
If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
But you were
And you have
And you went
And you did
And so goodbye
See ya later, Joe

Kristin (and friend):


And a very strange version with Perry Como and Carol Channing:

Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #5 on: October 05, 2021, 01:36:36 pm »
I've always liked this one:

I'm a brass band,
I'm a harpsichord;
I'm a clarinet!
I'm the Philadelphia Orchestra,
I'm the Modern Jazz Quartet!
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline southendmd

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #6 on: October 05, 2021, 02:09:29 pm »
From City of Angels:


And come to think of it
Your writing always mirrors our relationship
With dangers cropping up
And sweet young strangers popping up like weeds
So if you wish official pardoning
You better do a little gardening
Ya know ya needn't be so gen'rous with your seeds
Your fertile lies don't fertilize
It needs work
« Last Edit: October 15, 2021, 01:20:38 pm by southendmd »

Offline southendmd

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #7 on: October 05, 2021, 02:10:29 pm »
From "The Producers":

"There'll be gala opening nights again
You'll see my name in lights again
I'll go from dark to brights again
My spirits high as kites again
I'll never suffer slights again
I'll taste those sweet delights again
No plethora of plights again
No blossoming of blights again
No frantic fits or frights again
Fame is in my sights again
I'll take those fancy flights again
I'm gonna scale the heights again!"

Offline southendmd

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #8 on: October 05, 2021, 02:15:51 pm »
From Sondheim's "A Little Night Music":


Now, insofar as approaching it,
What would be festive
But have its effect?
Now, there are two ways of broaching it:
A, the suggestive,
And B, the direct.
Say
That I settle on B, to wit,
A charmingly
Lecherous mood,
A,
I could put on my nightshirt or sit
Disarmingly,
B, in the nude.
That might be effective;
My body's all right--
But not in perspective
And not in the light.
I'm bound to be chilly
And feel a buffoon,
But nightshirts are silly
In mid-afternoon.
Which leaves the suggestive,
But how to proceed?
Although she gets restive,
Perhaps I could read.
In view of her penchant
For something romantic,
De Sade is to trenchant
And Dickens too frantic,
And Stendhal would ruin
The plan of attack,
As there isn't much blue in
"The Red and the Black."
De Maupassant's candour
Would cause her dismay,
The Brontes are grander
But not very gay,
Her taste is much blander,
I'm sorry to say,
But is Hans Christian Ander-
Sen ever risque?
Which eliminates A...

Offline southendmd

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Re: A collection of clever rhymes
« Reply #9 on: October 05, 2021, 02:18:40 pm »
Sorry, I'm really into this.  This is from "Chess":


Bangkok, Oriental setting
And the city don't know that the city is getting
The cr?me de la cr?me of the chess world
In a show with everything but Yul Brynner
Time flies, doesn't seem a minute
Since the Tyrolean spa had the chess boys in it
All change, don't you know that
When you play at this level there's no ordinary venue?
It's Iceland, or the Philippines, or Hastings, or
Or this place!
One night in Bangkok, and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
One town's very like another
When your head's down over your pieces, brother
(It's a drag, it's a bore, it's really such a pity
To be looking at the board, not looking at the city)
Whaddya mean? Ya seen one crowded, polluted, stinking town
(Tea, girls, warm, sweet
Some are set up in the Somerset Maugham suite)

Get Thai'd! You're talking to a tourist
Whose every move's among the purest
I get my kicks above the waistline, sunshine
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok, and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me
Siam's gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of cerebral fitness
This grips me more than would a muddy old river
Or reclining Buddha
And thank God I'm only watching the game, controlling it
I don't see you guys rating
The kind of mate I'm contemplating
I'd let you watch, I would invite you
But the queens we use would not excite you
So you better go back to your bars, your temples, your massage parlours
One night in Bangkok, and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples, but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
A little flesh, a little history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me
One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company
I can feel the devil walking next to me