A collection of clever rhymes

[southendmd]

Well, I do rather like this:

Your broads in bed are bored
Go home and soak your dentures
Your pen is no match for my sword

Pretty good, hunh?

I like this one:

You're in my plot
I'm still your creator
I call each shot
I'm your private dic-tator

Of course, private dick is slang for private eye, which Stone is!

[southendmd]

Here's an obscure song from "Pal Joey" (Rodgers and Hart, 1940).  It's called "Zip".  A reporter is interviewing Gypsy Rose Lee, who was more than just a stripper.  There are some fun rhymes, but the references are quite obscure, and require some annotation.

I interviewed Leslie Howard  (3 April 1893 ? 1 June 1943) was an English actor, director and producer.[1] He also wrote many stories and articles for The New York Times, The New Yorker, and Vanity Fair and was one of the biggest box-office draws and movie idols of the 1930s.
I interviewed Noel Coward
I interviewed the great Stravinsky
But my greatest achievement
Is the interview I had
With the star who worked for Minsky  Minsky's Burlesque refers to the brand of American burlesque presented by four sons of Louis and Ethel Minsky: Abraham 'Abe' Bennett Minsky (1880?1949), Michael William 'Billy' Minsky (1887?1932), Herbert Kay Minsky (1891?1959), and Morton Minsky (1902?1987).[1][2] They started in 1912 and ended in 1937 in New York City. Although the shows were declared obscene and outlawed, they were rather tame by modern standards.

I met her at the Yankee Clipper NYC restaurant
And she didn't unzip one zipper
I said "Miss Lee, you are such an artist
Tell me why you never miss
What do you think of while you work?"
And she said, "While I work
My thoughts go something like this:


"Zip! Walter Lippman wasn't brilliant today.  (1889-1974) was a celebrated author, pundit and columnist ("Today and Tomorrow" was a national must-read)
Zip! Will Saroyan ever write a great play?  (1908-1981) really only had one hit play on Broadway--The Time of Your Life, which won the Pulitzer Prize in 1939, which he refused, saying that he did not wish to be tainted by it.
Zip! I was reading Schopenhauer last night.  (1788-1860), the pessimistic German philosopher
Zip! And I think that Schopenhauer was right.

I don't want to see Zorina,  (1917-2003) Vera Zorina, beautiful German ballerina, second wife of George Balanchine, star of the Broadway musicals I Married An Angel and Louisiana Purchase
I don't want to meet Cobina.  Cobina Wright, Jr. (1921-2011), socialite who, with Brenda Frazier, was the most publicized debutante of the 1930s.
Zip! I'm an intellectual.
I don't like a deep contralto,
Or a man whose voice is alto.
Zip! I'm a heterosexual.  When Elaine Stritch sang this in the revival, she was very nervous, because she thought this meant "gay" LOL
Zip! It took intellect to master my art.
Zip! Who the hell is Margie Hart?  Celebrated stripper of the 30s and 40s.

Zip! I consider Dali's painting passe.
Zip! Can they make the Metropolitan pay?
Zip! English people don't say clerk, they say clark.
Zip! Anybody who says clark is a jark!  Great line!

I have read the great Cabala, a system of esoteric theosophy and theurgy developed by rabbis from the 7th to the 18th centuries
And I simply worship Allah.
Zip! I am just a mystic.
I don't care for Whistler's mother,
Charlie's aunt, or Shubert's brother.  Charley's Aunt (the popular 1892 farce by Brandon Thomas); Shubert's brother (there were three Shubert brothers--Sam, J.J. and Lee, who owned the most legitimate theatres on Broadway).
Zip! I'm misogynistic.
Zip! My intelligence is guiding my hand.
Zip! Who the hell is Sally Rand?  a famous fan dancer whose totally nude body was deftly covered by movements of two huge fans made of ostrich feathers.


Zip! Toscanini leads the greatest of bands.  Arturo Toscanini (March 25, 1867 ? January 16, 1957) was an Italian conductor. He was one of the most acclaimed and influential musicians of the late 19th and early 20th century, renowned for his intensity, his perfectionism, his ear for orchestral detail and sonority, and his eidetic memory. He was at various times the music director of La Scala in Milan and the New York Philharmonic. Later in his career he was appointed the first music director of the NBC Symphony Orchestra (1937?54), and this led to his becoming a household name (especially in the United States) through his radio and television broadcasts and many recordings of the operatic and symphonic repertoire.
Zip! Jergens Lotion does the trick for his hands.  still a popular hand lotion
Zip! Rip Van Winkle on the screen would be smart.  Washington Irving's sleepy hero
Zip! Tyrone Power will be cast in the part.  (1913-1958)--stage and screen idol of the 1930s and 1940s.  In some versions, it's Ronald Reagan!!!
I adore the great Confucius,
And the lines of luscious Lucius.  Lucius Morris Beebe (December 9, 1902 ? February 4, 1966) was an American author, gourmand, photographer, railroad historian, journalist and syndicated columnist.
Zip! I am so eclectic.
I don't care for either Mickey--Mouse and Rooney--make me sicky!
Zip! I'm a little hectic.
Zip! My artistic taste is classic and dear.
Zip! Who the hell is Lili St. Cyr?"  Celebrated stripper of the 30s and 40s.

~~~

Bebe Neuwirth performing in the City Center revival from 1995:

Elaine Stritch, who starred in this role in 1952, here performing in her one-woman show "At Liberty" (2002), which I was lucky to see.  The patter is about running between NYC and New Haven because she was in "Pal Joey" and also understudying Ethel Merman in "Call Me Madam". 

[Jeff Wrangler]

And the lines of luscious Lucius.  Lucius Morris Beebe (December 9, 1902 ? February 4, 1966) was an American author, gourmand, photographer, railroad historian, journalist and syndicated columnist.

And gay at a time when it would be overlooked if you were discreet and belonged to a certain class of people. Beebe's partner was Charles Clegg. I need to hunt the two of them down in one of my railroad history books. There's a marvelous picture of the two of them (with Clegg wearing cowboy boots) in their home in Virginia City, Nevada, where they ran the Territorial Enterprise, the newspaper Mark Twain had worked for. Clegg was the photographer while Beebe wrote the text. After Beebe died, Clegg killed himself.

[Front-Ranger]

Very interesting, and thanks for the annotations. I wasrprised that there are only two people I hadn't heard of, Cobina and Lili St. Cyr.

Does the song ever mention the name Gypsy Rose Lee?

Where do you learn all these things, friend?!

[southendmd]

Where do you learn all these things, friend?!

'

Haha! The gay gene takes one on many and interesting journeys. 

In my case, I have been fortunate to listen to our local radio station WERS.  This is the station connected with Emerson College, famous for communications and broadcasting.  WERS has had a show called "Standing Room Only" that has essentially run since the '80s. 
It's run by undergraduates, and is essentially all about show tunes. 

[Jeff Wrangler]

Twice lately our Eighties radio station has played something that I hadn't thought of as a patter song but I guess qualifies: Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire."

[southendmd]

This is a classic from "On the Town" (1944) by Leonard Bernstein, lyrics by Comden and Green and Bernstein.  It was sung by none other than Nancy Walker.

"I Can Cook Too"

Oh, I can cook, too, on top of the rest
My seafood's the best in the town
Yes, I can cook, too
My fish can't be beat
My sugar's the sweetest around

I'm a man's ideal of a perfect meal
Right down to the demi-tasse
I'm a pot of joy for a hungry boy
Baby, I'm cookin' with gas

Oh, I'm a gumdrop
A sweet lollipop,
A brook trout right out of the brook
And what's more, baby, I can cook!

Some girls make magazine covers
Some girls keep house on a dime
Some girls make wonderful lovers
But what a lucky find I'm

I'd make a magazine cover
I do keep house on a dime
I make a wonderful lover
I should be paid overtime!

'Cause I can bake, too, on top of the lot
My oven's the hottest you'll find
Yes, I can roast too
My chickens just ooze
My gravy will lose you your mind

I'm a brand new note
On a table d'hote
But just try me a la carte
With a single course
You can choke a horse
Baby, you won't know where to start!

Oh, I'm an hors d'oeuvre
A jelly preserve
Not in the recipe book
And what's more, baby, I can cook!

Oh, I'm a gumdrop,
A sweet lollipop,
A brook trout right out of the brook,
And what's more, baby, I can cook!

Some girls make wonderful jivers,
Some girls can hit a high "C",
Some girls make good taxi drivers,
But what a genius is me.

I'd make a wonderful jiver,
I even hit a high "C",
I make the best taxi driver,
I rate a big Navy "E"!

'Cause I can fry, too, on top of the heap,
My Crisco's as deep as a pool.
Yes, I can broil, too,
My ribs get applause,
My lamb chops will cause you to drool.

For a candied sweet
Or a pickled beet,
Step up to my smorgasbord.
Walk around until
You get your fill.
Baby, you won't ever be bored!

Oh, I'm a pate,
A marron glace,
A dish you will wish you had took.
And what's more, baby, I can cook!!

Ignore the graphics:  they're for "Wonderful Town", a completely different show! With Nancy Walker.

This one is more up tempo and has all the words.  With Nancy Walker.

Lea Dellaria played Hildy (Brunehilde Esterhazy) in the 1999 revival (with a 23-year old pre-Modern Family Jesse Tyler Ferguson).

[Front-Ranger]

That song just keeps getting better with every verse! Though I don't know what a "jiver" is.

[southendmd]

That song just keeps getting better with every verse! Though I don't know what a "jiver" is.

Jiver:  one who jives.