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Author Topic: Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done' (yes - it's satire)  (Read 2573 times)

Offline YaadPyar

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Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done' (yes - it's satire)
« on: November 09, 2006, 04:41:32 pm »
The Onion (www.theonion.com)
 
Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done'
November 8, 2006 | Issue 42•45

 
WASHINGTON, DC—After nearly six years of much-publicized service as Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld announced his resignation Wednesday afternoon, saying that he had "proudly accomplished everything [he'd] set out to bungle." "Years ago, I decided to bog this great nation down in an extended, grueling foreign occupation, and I'm happy to say that's exactly what I've done," said Rumsfeld in a farewell address at the White House, during which he urged Americans to continue waging the ill-conceived, mismanaged, and evidently unwelcome fight for democracy in the Middle East. "Each of my actions—from undersupplying troops with body armor to focusing on capturing Saddam Hussein while Osama bin Laden remained free—has led America inexorably toward our current state of extreme crisis. Well, anyway, goodbye!" President Bush expressed confidence that Robert Gates, his new nominee for Secretary of Defense, will be able to "fuck everything up the rest of the way."

© Copyright 2006, Onion, Inc. All rights reserved.
The Onion is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
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Offline ednbarby

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Re: Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done' (yes - it's satire)
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2006, 06:07:00 pm »
Nice to see you posting around these parts again, Celeste.  I love this!  I've gleefully passed it on.  :)
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Offline Ellemeno

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Re: Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done' (yes - it's satire)
« Reply #2 on: November 10, 2006, 03:17:19 am »
Gotta love The Onion, and you Celeste. :)
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Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done' (yes - it's satire)
« Reply #3 on: November 10, 2006, 11:45:13 am »
You go gurl! ;D
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Offline coffeecat33

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Re: Rumsfeld: 'My Half-Assed Job Here Is Done' (yes - it's satire)
« Reply #4 on: November 10, 2006, 04:50:02 pm »
That'd be a lot funnier if it weren't so dang true !! :P
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