Author Topic: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!  (Read 1184469 times)

Offline elomelo

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2740 on: March 15, 2008, 10:17:41 pm »
Beg to differ. I think it's a hell of an ending. Whole thing's absolutely lovely.
Welcome to the Fest. :)
And thank you for your drabbles. I'm really enjoying them. :)

Fern

Thanks Fern for the welcome and the comments (: I just felt drained when writing it and that usually doesn't result in good things.

Manar

Offline belbbmfan

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2741 on: March 16, 2008, 03:00:57 pm »
For delivery...

A desolate, sandy lot and a yellowing trailer. When Jerry said 'out in the middle of nowhere', he wasn't kidding.

Henry looked down at the crumpled paper for what seemed like the hundredth time, then at the crooked mailbox. It was the right place and he could just slip in the box...no, he'd been given strict orders to deliver it personally.

Well, I'm here, ain't I?

He took a quick, sharp breath and knocked loudly on the door. He didn't notice the blinds of the window shift suddenly. A man answered. He was tall and lean as a beanpole, with dirty blonde hair and hard brown eyes that glared at Henry accusingly. He was holding a denim shirt in his grasp, knuckles white.

Henry checked the paper again quickly. "Mr. del Mar?"

"Ennis." The voice was gravelly, seemingly older than the fourty-something the man seemed to be.

"Right. Uh, this is a package for you. Sir."

The man named Ennis looked at the box in question, his expression deadpan. "Who's it from?"

"Someone by the name of...", another quick glance at the paper, "Alma."

"Alma?"

"Junior."

"Oh...where do I sign?"

"Uh, um," he handed the man the clipboard and the pen, pointing at the blank square, "right there...yeah, right. Thanks, Mr. del Mar." He handed him the package. "Have a good-"

But the man had shut the door and had retreated back to the darkness of his trailer. Henry sighed and got back into the second hand car, and pulled out of the lot.

The man, once inside the safe isolation of the nook assigned to his bed, ripped off the brown paper and took out the shoebox. It was worn and faded like everything else that bore witness to what once was. He read the postcards, despite how sore his eyes would be looking at the print, and drank himself to sleep, clutching the half-open box to his chest.

*gasp*

A shot to the heart. Beautifully written but so difficult to read.  :'(  :-\

thanks for sharing  Elo.  I like your drabbles :)
'We're supposed to guard the sheep, not eat 'em'

Offline elomelo

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2742 on: March 16, 2008, 03:04:04 pm »
*gasp*

A shot to the heart. Beautifully written but so difficult to read.  :'(  :-\

thanks for sharing  Elo.  I like your drabbles :)

Thank you :) I can't seem to write anything 'happy' as of life but I'm trying.
Ah, Elo - I've never thought of that :D

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2743 on: March 16, 2008, 03:38:58 pm »
....Black and white. Blue and brown. Dimpled smiles and tight lipped nods.....

Maran, I have to agree with Fern about the ending - and I'd say the same about the beginnng and middle, too.  :)  And, yeah, these guys can wear you out, that's for sure. 

Thanks!
Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2744 on: March 16, 2008, 03:42:06 pm »
High Wire

March 22, 1978

All night the talk had been about that crazy old man from that circus family finally falling to his death.  For years he'd pictured himself trying to keep his balance as he walked the high wire without a net - with guilt and betrayal awaiting him at one end, shame and danger at the other; and his stomach clenched tightly with each word  … "daredevil"…… "fool"….."bound to happen"….

He watched the fuzzy image on the old TV above the bar and his heart sank again with the lesson he'd learned long ago – walking the high wire could only end one way.   

~~~~~~~
100 Words
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline belbbmfan

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2745 on: March 16, 2008, 04:55:36 pm »
High Wire

March 22, 1978

All night the talk had been about that crazy old man from that circus family finally falling to his death.  For years he'd pictured himself trying to keep his balance as he walked the high wire without a net - with guilt and betrayal awaiting him at one end, shame and danger at the other; and his stomach clenched tightly with each word  … "daredevil"…… "fool"….."bound to happen"….

He watched the fuzzy image on the old TV above the bar and his heart sank again with the lesson he'd learned long ago – walking the high wire could only end one way.   

~~~~~~~
100 Words


The image of Ennis sitting in a bar, surrounded by other people and feeling so alone, is so sad, so sad....
'We're supposed to guard the sheep, not eat 'em'

Offline elomelo

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2746 on: March 16, 2008, 05:27:20 pm »
High Wire

March 22, 1978

All night the talk had been about that crazy old man from that circus family finally falling to his death.  For years he'd pictured himself trying to keep his balance as he walked the high wire without a net - with guilt and betrayal awaiting him at one end, shame and danger at the other; and his stomach clenched tightly with each word  … "daredevil"…… "fool"….."bound to happen"….

He watched the fuzzy image on the old TV above the bar and his heart sank again with the lesson he'd learned long ago – walking the high wire could only end one way.   

~~~~~~~
100 Words


 :( Very sad and very sensual somehow. Good work. :)

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2747 on: March 17, 2008, 02:05:23 pm »
Here are a few random Monday prompts!  :)

  • insane
  • labels
  • dusty

Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2748 on: March 18, 2008, 12:38:29 pm »
It's Not What You Know….

It was a long ride home with nothing but his thoughts for company and he wished there was a damn "off-switch" for his brain 'cause he thought he'd go insane from the voices swirling in an endless loop.

"…What I don't know, all them things I don't know…."

"…so I hope you know that if you don't never know the rest…"


He thought of something Old Elwood at the Hi-Top Ranch used to say:  "Sometimes the problem is we don't know what we don't know." 

And sometimes there were things you didn't want to know.  Or knew, but wished you didn't.

~~~~~~~
100 Words
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain

Offline mariez

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Re: The Bettermost Drabblefest: Please Join In!
« Reply #2749 on: March 18, 2008, 12:43:26 pm »
Hey, everyone.  For anyone who wants to try a Tuesday drabble  :)

  • puppy love
  • growth spurt
  • bashful

Marie
The measure of a country's greatness is its ability to retain compassion in times of crisis         ~~~~~~~~~Thurgood Marshall

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.    ~~~~~~~~~ Mark Twain