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Dealing With Aging Parents
Front-Ranger:
Your mother has every right to a second opinion! And you are a loving daughter for helping her get one!
My mother and her dog have moved into my house and all are doing quite well so far. We are very fortunate that at 82, she doesn't have any serious health problems.
delalluvia:
Thanks guys.
delalluvia:
Mom took a bad downturn Sunday night.
She's been in the hospital ever since. She's coherent now, only a little befuddled, but she pretty much knows what's going on.
They did some tests. She can no longer swallow without taking food into her lungs. My sister and brother and I will be talking to the doctors tomorrow about how to go about putting in a feeding tube and that means a nursing home.
She's not dying and she's not dead, but I can't stop crying because she left home so suddenly and not a single one of us ever thought she wasn't coming back and now I'm walking around the house thinking about the services she gets that I have to call to cancel, I'm looking at all the things I bought her to make her life easier, all the food and drinks she's never going to taste and I feel so guilty about being impatient with her over the last few months and I just want to die.
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: delalluvia on March 24, 2010, 10:03:44 pm ---I'm looking at all the things I bought her to make her life easier, all the food and drinks she's never going to taste and I feel so guilty about being impatient with her over the last few months and I just want to die.
--- End quote ---
Look at the first part of that quote, Del. Think about all the things you did to make her life easier. All the ways you tried to keep her comfortable and in as pleasant an environment as possible. For example, I remember you coming on here and asking for ideas for serving milk in a way that would be convenient and easy for her to get her favorite beverage.
Focus on the fact that you did everything you could, and remind yourself that things have probably been as nice for her as they could be, under the circumstances -- thanks to your help.
Yeah, sometimes it's frustrating taking care of people who are old or sick. That doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means you're human. It's obvious that you love her and want the best for her. And your frustration didn't keep you from caring for her as well as you knew how. Take comfort from that, now and into the future.
{{{{{Delalluvia}}}}}
Lynne:
Hey there, Del,
I want to offer some comfort too, though I know how tough it is when things get this bad.
You can definitely tell me to mind my own business - no harm, no foul. But my own mom has had to have a ventilator and feeding tube on two different occasions, while the doctors played with antibiotic cocktails to suppress her MRSA infection.
I'm only saying this because the last time was 2006? or whatever year Katrina was, and although she was weak and spent several months in a nursing home afterward, Mom was back home as quickly as possible and there still. Actually she hasn't had anything serious since then (knock wood and cross everything possible).
Are you sure this feeding tube business is the beginning of a final outcome? Oftentimes, there's always hope. If my mother's doctor hadn't been so confident about the last MRSA fight, I would have denied her the last four-plus years of her life because the first time she had so much mental damage when she came back. He saved her life, when I would chosen differently. I'm thankful he's a man I have always been able to trust with her.
Ultimately, that doesn't matter at this moment, tho. I think you should do your best to be grateful for the time you've had with her and the things you've been able to do for her, no matter the result. You'll never regret that. And, as sad as it is to say, I doubt you'll ever feel like you've done enough, no matter what you've done or do from here on out. I think it's one of those mother/daughter things. :-\
Keep us posted on her condition and how you're doing, please. I'm keeping you close in my thoughts, as always.
Lynne
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