Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
APPLYING the LESSONS of BBM to YOUR LIFE
MaineWriter:
Brokeback Mountain released the creative writer in me:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2853224/1/
thanks Vic, for pointing this out.
L
xlxx
maggiesmommy GayLee:
This is a cut'n'paste of a past post of mine. It describes the changes that BBM has made in my life..
#1, NEVER wait!! #2, get over it and don't live your life angry, it wastes precious time. #3, Embrace everyone, never judge, see the good in good people, ignore the rest... #5 find joy #^6 NEVER WAIT to say the things you need to say to the people you love...if Ennis had known, that last lake scene would have beern very different....but the lesson here is that we will NEVER know...so we have to be sensitive, without being fatalistic, to those "golden" moments and not let them get away..
hopefully if you all have done this one before , you'll allow me to introduce myself..i really find this theraputic and so i hope you don't mind...
i am a 59 yr old married straight woman, 4 kids,3 are married, 3 grand kids. Work in an office, pretty typical stuff...
my daughter in law, whom i adore, had a brother that was gay. "J" was a wonderful guy, so smart, so artistic, just a fantastic human being, and the first gay person i have ever had a close realtionship with. I was born into a very strict mainstream domination church..i was taught all the common "hate" speak that that genre clings to...i grew up with the same prejudices that now disgust and sicken me. However, this metamorphsis didn't start until i met "J". I was beginning to pull away from the churches domination and rethinking my whole belief system abou the time i was forced to start spending time with "J" because we moved in with my son and his family while we built our house and "J" was there often, traveled alot, and therefore stayed whenever he was in town. Getting to know him was the best thing that has ever happened to me. He was so wise and didn't once act like i was the enemy because of my former beliefs...we talked for hours and i began to see and feel the pain and hatred he had suffered in his life..he had known and lost love, had been rejected by memebers of his famiiy and society, and on an on, as some of you can relate to...he also had aids...he had been diagnosed 13 long years ago and had been in on the first testing of expermental drugs..he had maintained a relative healthy lifestyle for all those years and was doing very well until about last june, then started to go into a downhill spiral that ended with his death in August.
I have never missed anyone so much....and then i saw BBM. all of my defenses came falling down...the "new, better" attitude i thought i had built over the last few years just became so much fluff...just words...i really meant well, but i did NOT get it until i saw BBM...i wish SO much i could see this movie with "J"/ THat we could talk about it and that i could tell him that i really really get it now...i get all of it..i understand, i am sorry, i want to hold him and see him and i just miss him so damn much and i can't do any of that and it is tearing my heart out....
i watch the movie over and over and in it i see "J" and his loss and his struggle all of those years trying to be happy, to be accepted, and he did find that peace at times, but society leaves a big scar on some of us and i don't think he ever really felt accepted...his ex-partner preached his funeral sermon, and it was just heartbreaking...they tried so many times to get it right, but "J" had a problem with substance abuse, off and on (i'm sure related to the small town mentality he grew up with) and "B" just couldn't keep it together, but they both were never happy apart...in the sermon, he talked about always thinking of that willie song, angel flying too close to the ground, and that was how he saw "J"...freaky thinkg, i had that song downloaded as my ring tone...gave me goosebumps...
the thing is..when the person you love is gone the sadness of never being able to go back and make things right, because it seems to take a loss like that to crystalize things in your mind, and then it is too late...that feeling in the pit of your stomach just eats you alive sometimes...hurts so damn much...and you can't do one damn thing, not one, to change it....
i hope he knows how i feel now, because if he doesn't i don't think i can stand it...but Ennis says if you can't fix it you GOTTA stand it..oh, man, thats hard...really hard...
sorry to be a downer tonight...i just can't get "J" out of my head or heart today...
thanks for letting me talk...
Ray:
I guess what I've learnt is the ultimate lesson from BBM: "If you can't STAND it, you gotta FIX it!" I have gone through life playing the victim. The world has been 'unfair'. The people have been 'annoying'. The situation has been 'hell bitch unsatisfactory'. But no one can fix it but me. No amount of bitching will save my soul. I have approximately the duration of my life to live again, all going well, and that has gone bloody fast! The next half is up to me.
TJ:
Ray,
"If you can't STAND it, you gotta FIX it!" << is a good thing to do!
Some people actually need the help of certified and licensed mental health professionals, psychiatrists and psychologists, etc., to help them have insight to fix what is wrong in their lives.
I actually signed up with the Behavioral Health (BH) department of Tulsa's Indian Health Care Resource Center to deal with help through the grief and bereavement process due to the loss of my best-friend/lover/husband, Ed.
I had put off dealing with that because my well-meaning friends back in LA told me to put that aside because I needed to get on with my life and get a job. Well, Ed passed away on March 2, 1991.
When I told my primary care giver, my MD, at the center in March '93 about what was bothering me emotionally, he made a referral to BH. Because of the first sessions I had with, Judy, the Therapist and how I came to meet Ed in the first place, Judy decided that we could talk about more of my background before I left the closet and moved to LA.
Since I did not have to pay for the session due to being unemployed, I did not worry about that. Sometimes, I brought up stuff that had to do with my struggles before and after I left the closet and my mistakes in not knowing to do the right things, and it was early in the week, Judy would check her schedule and say, "You said something today that should not wait until next week and I have an opening later this week. Would you like to come back then?"
Then in early '95 or so, Mom was in the hospital and a woman from her church was visiting her. I had known the lady since 1975. I visited with Mom and her and I had a bus to catch to go elsewhere. Mom told me after I left that Mrs. McQueen said how much I had changed and was more sure of myself.
Because of the spirituality involved in my going to the Center and by Judy's recommendation to check out All Tribes Community Church (American Baptist) and the fact that she was also a Believer, too, more than just psychology was involved in the therapy.
maggiesmommy GayLee:
--- Quote from: Ray on May 12, 2006, 12:40:41 am ---I guess what I've learnt is the ultimate lesson from BBM: "If you can't STAND it, you gotta FIX it!" I have gone through life playing the victim. The world has been 'unfair'. The people have been 'annoying'. The situation has been 'hell bitch unsatisfactory'. But no one can fix it but me. No amount of bitching will save my soul. I have approximately the duration of my life to live again, all going well, and that has gone bloody fast! The next half is up to me.
--- End quote ---
oh yeah, baby, oh yeah!!
Ray, your outlook always inspires me!! you, my sweet boy, are a breath of fresh sunshinney air!!!
love ya
gaylee
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