Now what?

[Penthesilea]

{{{Jude}}}



Some thoughts about the "new normal": today Leslie posted a pic of Robert Redford and Paul Newman as Butch&Sundance in her blog, remembering that we used to "share" Robert a while ago (little ongoing joke between us).
There it was again, the pang in my chest.  I thought about the times "back then", the time when Heath was still alive and nothing seemed wrong.
I think part of the new normal will be to divide the time in before and after. Everything related to BetterMost, Brokeback Mountain, my Brokie friends and even gatherings will be divided in before and after.
The way we joked about Robert Redford, the EuroBrokie meeting to see the play, the BBQ last year, precious classic threads like "lovable subtle details" (shirt-tucking, anyone?) - all this was before. I think it will stay this way. I damn well hope the pain when thinking about it will get less (and I know it will), but I think a bittersweet feeling will stay with us. Bittersweet will be a part of the "new normal".

[Ellemeno]

{{{Jude}}}



Some thoughts about the "new normal": today Leslie posted a pic of Robert Redford and Paul Newman as Butch&Sundance in her blog, remembering that we used to "share" Robert a while ago (little ongoing joke between us).
There it was again, the pang in my chest.  I thought about the times "back then", the time when Heath was still alive and nothing seemed wrong.
I think part of the new normal will be to divide the time in before and after. Everything related to BetterMost, Brokeback Mountain, my Brokie friends and even gatherings will be divided in before and after.
The way we joked about Robert Redford, the EuroBrokie meeting to see the play, the BBQ last year, precious classic threads like "lovable subtle details" (shirt-tucking, anyone?) - all this was before. I think it will stay this way. I damn well hope the pain when thinking about it will get less (and I know it will), but I think a bittersweet feeling will stay with us. Bittersweet will be a part of the "new normal".

Chrissi, that's beautiful and somehow even hopeful.

[Penthesilea]

Chrissi, that's beautiful and somehow even hopeful.

Thank you Clarissa. 

[j.U.d.E.]

Me too. I bought them because I thought that I would be sorry later if I didn't have them, but I just stuck them in a drawer. I think I'm probably afraid of what they say, but that doesn't make sense. I've read some pretty horrible stuff online, so I don't know why I'm scared to read horrible stuff in a magazine. Maybe it's something about seeing it in print that would make it worse, I don't know.

I did that too - they are all stuck in a drawer. I want to take pictures of the covers for the thread 'Magazines featuring Heath', but I'm not sure I can. I know there is a thread about Phelps, but I have been avoiding it. Same for the threads or posts on those guys (comedians? don't know) who made jokes, just days after Heath's passing. Like you, I don't want to read it. I know now of course what the toxicology results are and I'm 'glad' that it shows that it wasn't drugs that killed him.

I'm feeling bad for Brad Renfro though, who must have had enormous issues - very sad his death too, but Heath is just so very different. The messages that I do dare read are the tributes posted here on BM, when I'm sure that they will say positive and sensible things. From there it's rather clear how much life-loving Heath was. That's what makes his death so much more tragic. He wanted to live. He took his medication because all he wanted is to rest, sleep a little, just so he could wake up again and enjoy life, enjoy his work and enjoy his family.

Dare I say that I'm angry at Heath? I am. I don't understand why he wasn't more careful. ..

j. U. d. E.