Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum

My Big Scare Today!!

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brokeback-fan:
IdahoLonely - well, your nickname says it all.  It really sucks being in a place where there is NOTHING to do.  I know.  I lived in this really small town (about 2,000 people) in Florida and believe me, there was nothing to do.  We would go out and shoot cans and bottles, sneak beer from my parents house, stuff like that.  I felt the same way you did.  I would see all of these people on television with actual places to go.  I am not suggesting you do this, but I finally had it living in such a small place.  My sister moved to Washington, DC and said I should move up there and there were plenty of jobs, so I packed up my car and that was it.  I could not believe the wonderful places and people in Washington.  I would go to Dupont Circle and feel so comfortable and free to just be myself which was a revelation and a feeling of like Wow! I was missing out on this great thing.  I am not saying it is all brightness and sunshine, but a helluv alot better than Florida.  I wanted to share with you of what was a turning point in my life to let you know that anything can happen and you can control the path your life takes and sometimes you cannot.  But if you want something bad enough, there is no way of stopping it.  Only you know what is inside yourself. 

As for the big scare, sometimes you get a break, but it makes you better at being on your toes when protecting yourself.  I got tired of doing this though.  That was another reason I moved.  Everyone in my town knew the business of everyone else, so it was nice being in a place where no one knew me and I had a chance to make good friends who knew I was gay and had no problem with it.  It is so sad you have to be fearful of who you might be.  Like Ennis says to Jack, "...if you can't fix it Jack, you gotta stand it ." 

I want to wish you good luck in finding out who you are.  It is harder though as society has changed so much that sometimes I think we are back in the 60's again!  :) I am glad the BetterMost forum can give you some of this freedom and relief.  Just think, technology can accomplish something that is such a human trait - being with people who support and love you. 

Peace,

Paul

Karan13:
Hey Idaho,
               You sound so lonely and miserable i wanted to reply , take your time in finding out who you are , and don`t feel you have to explain yourself to anybody. Sometimes even being in the middle of a crowd in a big city , can feel like the lonliest place on earth , as can been surrounded by friends who don`t understand the real you. It is great that Forums like this are here to support people. Although i am not Gay and can`t relate to your struggle directly i have often had hard emotional decisions to make in my life , and have felt that in the past i acted and became the person people `Wanted` me to be.
I didn`t live my own life , i lived how people wanted me to , i have over the years discovered who i am and let people see the real me , some love , some don`t , when the time is right you will know who and where you are , till you get there i send you `A Big Hug` and my thoughts xx
                                                                                     KAZ    ;)

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