Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Fan Fiction & Poetry
That Little Bit of Hope, Chapter 17 up!
littleguitar:
--- Quote from: mvansand76 on October 18, 2006, 06:06:20 pm ---Thanks for posting! I love how he looks in the production stills for Zodiac, he looks so 'guy next door' cute in those, but I do also like his looks in the pictures on the Shades thread... :)
I loved this chapter, very unexpected tenderness from Ennis, and again your dialogue was very good. I loved this:
Ennis pulled away slowly, his eyes still closed. “How much you drink?”
Jack sighed. It turned to a hiccup in his throat and he smiled wide, giggling. “A lot. A whole fuckin’ lot.”
Ennis’ face turned hard again and he opened his eyes. “Can see that, Jack.”
The dialogue is very natural and I hope you will follow up on that promise about John F*****' Twist! I also hope that Jack finds a way to stand up for not only his son, but also for himself, and not back down when his father beats down on him. That son of a *****. Ooops... sorry, getting carried away.... ;)
--- End quote ---
Oh I know, I love how he looks in the zodiac stills... I wish they would put out more but I guess it just makes me even more excited to see the movie that I've seen almost nothing from it...
And thanks for the comments on my story! I'm glad you like the dialogue and that it seems natural. It's one of the things I concentrate on the most and one of the things that bothers me the most when i'm reading other stories. And that moment you pulled out was actually one of my favorites from this chapter!
More with old man twist on the way.... hopefully with Ennis by his side, Jack will find a little more courage and that asshole will get what's coming to him ;)
mvansand76:
--- Quote from: littleguitar on October 18, 2006, 11:05:16 pm ---And thanks for the comments on my story! I'm glad you like the dialogue and that it seems natural. It's one of the things I concentrate on the most and one of the things that bothers me the most when i'm reading other stories. And that moment you pulled out was actually one of my favorites from this chapter!
More with old man twist on the way.... hopefully with Ennis by his side, Jack will find a little more courage and that asshole will get what's coming to him ;)
--- End quote ---
When the dialogue and the non-verbal communication that comes with that are good and creatively written, then the story does really come to life, that is what I was always being taught in university during creative writing and screenwriting classes and it's what I always concentrate on too when I write short stories. :) In this case, I could really see that happening right in front of my eyes: Jack sighed. It turned to a hiccup in his throat and he smiled wide, giggling. “A lot. A whole fuckin’ lot.” It's sad and hilarious at the same time, well done!
And yes, I was thinking that having Ennis by his side will give Jack more courage to finally stand up to his father (but he's not going to let Ennis do it for him I think...) and give him one hell of a verbal beating. Wow, tough dialogue on the way for you to write! :-) Bet you will do fine, though!
littleguitar:
Ok, I know I said tonight for the post, but it's looking more like tomorrow afternoon (around 4 or so CST)... I could post what I have now as a short interlude because it's kind of complete in and of itself, but it's only 3 typed pages and I prefer to just go ahead and write the full chapter.
Just to let everyone know... told you I was no good with deadlines ;)
June it's all for you ;D
Bigheart:
--- Quote from: littleguitar on October 19, 2006, 08:31:01 pm ---Ok, I know I said tonight for the post, but it's looking more like tomorrow afternoon (around 4 or so CST)... I could post what I have now as a short interlude because it's kind of complete in and of itself, but it's only 3 typed pages and I prefer to just go ahead and write the full chapter.
Just to let everyone know... told you I was no good with deadlines ;)
June it's all for you ;D
--- End quote ---
::)
I'm half dead now.
Thanks Mandy! ;D
:-*
mvansand76:
Where is it? Where is it?????
:o
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