BetterMost Community Blogs > I Miss You On Weekends
I miss you on weekends
RebelWithASmile:
oh god
This past 2 weeks have been....kinda bad.
So on Friday (Feb. 16th) Bill came over and he spent the night. We ordered some pizzas and we had some fun. It was a pretty good sleepover. We stayed up all night, and he left the next morning. Naturally, i was crestfallen when he left...
Well, he called later that day and we were chatting. I asked him if he wanted to come to the movies with me and my mom. I tried to help him fix his computer via cell phone. Well, his mom's girlfriend, Jackie, came home and she is known as being very, very bitchy (pardon my language).
Bill didn't hang up the cell phone when Jackie started yelling at him
She was pushing him, and she was yelling uncontrollably. She yelled "Do you want me to kill you?" And i was shaking....i was getting so upset, because she was yelling at him for no reason. It was horrible. After the fight, he told me "welcome to my life." I made sure he remembered that my house is opened for him anytime.
I told my mom about Jackie, and she called Bill's mom and threatened to call children services. Bill's mom cried to my mom on the phone, and when i got to talk to her, i started to cry. I couldn't keep my head straight.
Bill called me later, and he didn't sound like himself. It was like some messed up paradox. He was making excuses for Jackie, and using her bad childhood as an excuse for her bitching (she is 46!).
He said that the highlight of his life is talking to me
At this time....I'm worried that mine and Bill's friendship is being torn apart, but he says that it's not.
So he comes to the movies with us, and Jackie calls his cell phone....
He sucks up to her, and my mom goes nuts. I have to tell my mom to calm down. My mom knows what's going on, and she knows a**holes.
He spends the night again. He asks if I'm mad at him...I say yes. And i told him why. He was making excuses for Jackie.
The night doesn't go so well.
He tells me to hold in there.
I called him the next day (MONDAY)
I told him i'm just very over protective of my friends.
He kind of understood.
Next day at school, he told me I freaked him out when i was all 'emotional.'
I wrote a poem called LIAR about it :laugh:
He didn't get to go to Kelly's party...and that depressed me.
So...we both signed up for our school's Cow Pie Eating Contest
But, Friday (23rd) they picked random people to participate at an assembly, and we weren't picked.
I couldn't find him afterwards.
Yesterday (Saturday, 24th) he called. He said his mom insisted that he should spend the night. My mom complains. She doesn't trust him anymore..because of his dealings with Jackie...
We had fun. I picked on him a lot. I would put him in a headlock, and i even picked him up like a baby. We had some fun....
But we did argue a tad...I put my hand on his shoulder, and he asked if i was 'hitting on him.' I was caught off guard. I 'joked' and said yes. We got into a very awkward little thing. I put him in headlock, and i said "I love you like a brother....." and i think he took it wrongly. I embarrassed myself, and i told him i didn't mean to grope on him, i was just trying to show compassion. He said it was okay, and that i didn't do anything wrong.
he is such a good guy, but i felt very bad about going too far.
We've decided that we are going to get an apartment together after high school (well, kind of anyway). We want to make a movie/band/video game together. I hope i didn't ruin anything with my over-display of affection....
When he left (about an hour ago) today (25th, Oscar night) he was apathetic. He was glad to leave.
Shakesthecoffecan:
Friend, I try to be very conservative and careful in my advice, but I think the time has come. You and Bill need to talk. You have come out to your mother, and your cousin, perhaps it is time he knows who you are too.
Do this from a position of confidence. You have your self respect, your self esteem, and regardless of how it goes, you will have that to fall back on. Based on what you have told us, it does not seem like Bill will reject you.
Now I am not saying tell him about your feelings for him, you can work on that later. What is important at this point is not that you two have feelings for one another, but that you are as complete and whole and open a person as you can be at this point. Be proud of who you are. Your friends here are.
Lumière:
--- Quote from: shakestheground on February 26, 2007, 04:36:22 pm ---Now I am not saying tell him about your feelings for him, you can work on that later. What is important at this point is not that you two have feelings for one another, but that you are as complete and whole and open a person as you can be at this point. Be proud of who you are. Your friends here are.
--- End quote ---
Good words Truman! I second every word.
Phoenix - I am sure that you know that nobody here thinks there is something wrong with you. We are all here to support you in whatever little way we can. Sharing this very important part of yourself with Bill will be very eye-opening for you, no matter how it turns out. It is defintely a very crucial step to take. And like Truman said .. you don't have to tell him everything at once. Baby steps, you'll get there .. and know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. :)
Br. Patrick:
--- Quote from: RebelWithSadness on January 11, 2007, 07:51:30 pm ---thank you all for commenting.
--- End quote ---
Phoenix,
Wow, does your story ever take me back. You are in some ways way luckier than I was. It was 1969-70 and all the gay guys in high school would congregate around this large loving girl. She was my ‘official’ girlfriend. She even bought me a class ring so “I could give it to her”. She would protect us from Bullies! Debbie was wonderful and I love her still. We said nothing publicly of our Orientation. I had what I thought was a platonic relationship with a fellow freshman named Terry. I was pretty sure Terry was gay so I came out to him. (The first person I came out to was the high school counselor (his first year out of school – oh boy, was I glad I had someone who was “supposed” to understand.) But, I would only tell Terry about this incredible love, lust, & infatuation with a guy in an upper grade named Scott Schroeder. When he came down the hall I would literally have to RUN to a side wall to steady myself. My knees became like rubber. My only way of connecting with Scott was sharing cigarettes with him in the washrooms. Usually there were a few others, but one day it was just him and I smoking. I was in Heaven! He took a long drag, exhaled and told me to keep the cig. Well Keep it I did – for a long, long time! Anyway, I felt comfortable enough with Terry to tell him all about my feelings for Scott Schroeder. And how I would use psychedelic paint to write his name over and over for a poster in my bedroom which would light up under black-light. Then we were sophomores and right after I got my drivers license, I drove Debbie, my girlfriend, and Terry to our small farm and parked in a field to talk. One thing led to another and pretty soon Debbie was wandering ,out of it, in our field while Terry poured out his love for ME and how he felt for ME the same way that I felt for Scott Schroeder. I didn’t want to hurt Terry’s feelings and some futile attempts at fellatio happened. Then Debbie came back crying as she had figured the whole thing out. My memory clouds at just what happened next but the important part is that we all stayed really close all through high school. Once upon a time there was my ‘First Love’ and I will never forget it or regret it! (in my heart of Hearts I keep hearing it is time to talk to Bill)...
peace :)
br. patrick
RebelWithASmile:
Thank you all.
I hate talking to my mom about it.
I can't tell Bill YET, though. I'm not ready for it. I'm not ready to 'risk it all,' even if he would except me. I've came to the conclusion that i'll tell him way before we graduate (which was my original plan). But right now, i just want to soak in him every time he comes over (he isn't over this weekend, surprisingly) It's been 2 weeks since his and Jackie's fight.
Thanks for the very interesting story Patrick. I love the word 'fellatio' and yes I know what it is.
This poem is about him...but it's weird,
Withstanding
Passionate lips of melancholy
Splintered with years of
Beat downs and bereavements
Eyes filled with tears
But they never come
They are Overdue
You are so strong
Fighting to sleep
And to keep peace in
A powder keg
No, you never cry
But your eyes are
Never dry
When will the dove come?
She's long overdue
When will the hope come?
You need her to get through
Who will hold the peace
Other than you?
Something always breaks
Usually Its your heart,
Crumpling in pieces
Shattering on the floor
Till it is no more
You are your own shadow
Hiding behind the one
Everyone sees
Crying inside
And weak at the knees
Pleading for a hand
Screaming for someone
To understand you
As you stand
Not as who they want
But as who you are
Beautiful and up to par
No matter how they beat
You this day
You'll get up and
Walk through the glass
And fire
And fear
Of not having anyone
Who loves you near
But just look for the north star
And you'll see
A place to rest
A place to sleep
Navigation
[0] Message Index
[#] Next page
[*] Previous page
Go to full version