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What Happened???
milomorris:
--- Quote from: Jeff Wrangler on February 16, 2012, 10:50:39 pm ---And, believe it or not, I've never seen Kramer vs. Kramer, but I have a memory of hearing some place that the dad was the "good parent" in that film.
--- End quote ---
Well the way I remember it (I saw the movie when I was 14 or 15) was that Dustin Hoffman's character came across as the more emotionally attached parent, and Meryl Streep's character seemed to treat the boy more like a trophy.
Just my recollection as an adult.
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: milomorris on February 17, 2012, 01:02:23 am ---Well the way I remember it (I saw the movie when I was 14 or 15) was that Dustin Hoffman's character came across as the more emotionally attached parent, and Meryl Streep's character seemed to treat the boy more like a trophy.
Just my recollection as an adult.
--- End quote ---
That would make sense of that list entry, I think, if the dad was the more emotionally attached parent.
serious crayons:
As I recall, the dad begins the movie as the typical ambitious, workaholic dad. Then the wife abruptly leaves to "find herself." The dad is forced to take over and become a more engaged parent, resentfully and clumsily at first, but with increasing sensitivity and involvement and appreciation for the role. Eventually there's some sort of showdown where he has to choose between work and family. He chooses family. In the end, the wife returns and, I think, wants the kid back. The dad argues that he should retain custody and in the end he does.
In other words, it's basically the story of the struggle that most mothers with careers are familiar with in real life (whether the dad remains in the picture or not). But in this case, hey --- it's a dad deciding that his kid's important! Let's all celebrate! Wow, he's such a great father!!!! ::) ::) ::)
Jeff Wrangler:
--- Quote from: serious crayons on February 17, 2012, 11:47:08 am ---As I recall, the dad begins the movie as the typical ambitious, workaholic dad. Then the wife abruptly leaves to "find herself." The dad is forced to take over and become a more engaged parent, resentfully and clumsily at first, but with increasing sensitivity and involvement and appreciation for the role. Eventually there's some sort of showdown where he has to choose between work and family. He chooses family. In the end, the wife returns and, I think, wants the kid back. The dad argues that he should retain custody and in the end he does.
--- End quote ---
Oi. Who dreamed up that fantasy? 8)
serious crayons:
Here's another update on the Unequal Childhoods/parenting styles issue:
So I posted that list of "parents who are superior to you" on Facebook. A bunch of people commented, and I found one friend's comment particularly interesting: She said that when her (now adult) kids were younger she didn't pay much attention to parenting advice, or feel pressure to do things one way or another, just sort of did whatever seemed best at the time. She seemed pretty satisfied with that.
That's an admirable attitude, actually. But when I read it, I thought, "Yeah, and your daughter had a baby at 16 and your 22-year-old son works in a fast-food restaurant."
My point is NOT that my friend's cavalier attitude toward parenting advice "caused" her kids to turn out the way they did. It may have been a factor, but there were other factors involved -- the kids' personalities, their community (rural), their socioeconomic status, etc.
What is interesting is that my friend, who is low-income, does not draw a line between her attitude toward parenting and the way her kids turned out. Most middle-class parents I know feel a huge sense of personal responsibility for shaping kids to turn out a certain way, including making the right "life choices" (i.e., don't have a baby at 16) and achieving a certain degree of career success --- if they don't, they'll feel they "failed" as parents. That's part of the reason they obsess over their activities and classes and schoolwork and so many other aspects of parenting. My friend, I think, places more emphasis on her relationship with her kids, which as far as I can tell is pretty good. And that's important, too (to middle-class parents, too, of course) -- it's just a different focus.
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