The World Beyond BetterMost > The Culture Tent
What Happened???
RouxB:
--- Quote from: serious crayons on February 17, 2012, 11:47:08 am ---As I recall, the dad begins the movie as the typical ambitious, workaholic dad. Then the wife abruptly leaves to "find herself." The dad is forced to take over and become a more engaged parent, resentfully and clumsily at first, but with increasing sensitivity and involvement and appreciation for the role. Eventually there's some sort of showdown where he has to choose between work and family. He chooses family. In the end, the wife returns and, I think, wants the kid back. The dad argues that he should retain custody and in the end he does.
In other words, it's basically the story of the struggle that most mothers with careers are familiar with in real life (whether the dad remains in the picture or not). But in this case, hey --- it's a dad deciding that his kid's important! Let's all celebrate! Wow, he's such a great father!!!! ::) ::) ::)
He takes over the single parent role and eventually he and the kid fall into a great relationship. Wife and wantsreturns and wants custody back. Right before they go to court he looses his job and knows he has no chance of getting custody with no job. He pounds the pavement Christmas eve and gets a job for which he is way over qualified. He looses the custody case and he and the kid are completely wreaked about it. The day he is to turn the kid back over to the mom she decides the kid is better off with him and lets him keep him.
They part as friends.
--- End quote ---
serious crayons:
Oh, that's right -- I'd forgotten about the Christmas Eve job hunt. When I was unemployed, I never bothered applying for jobs over the holidays because I know nobody would be thinking about hiring. I now realize it's because, subconsciously, I remember this scene.
milomorris:
--- Quote from: delalluvia on February 17, 2012, 09:11:40 pm ---If you answer no, then I was a parent. For only two years, but I was. My niece certainly thought I was because within a few weeks, SHE was calling me 'mom'.
--- End quote ---
No. You were not a parent. You were an aunt. Aunts, uncles, cousins, in-laws, etc. can all take care of children, and contribute to their upbringing. That happens every day. It happened in my childhood. Yet none of those other family members were parents.
Kelda:
Del, my opinion is that just because you did the bulk of childcare, that still doesn't make you a parent.
If that was the case, you could say that the workers in a day care centre are parents to children that are in their care for the majority of each working day.
Whether your niece called you Mum, is irrelevant. You did not have overall responsibilty for her. You could not make medical decisions for her, or schooling or nursery care decisions for her. You weren't her legal guardian. And you didn't have to think long term about her future.
I'm not saying you weren't good at caring for her or fabulous at it for that matter. I'm not saying you weren't a doting aunt. But you weren't a parent.
--- Quote from: delalluvia on February 17, 2012, 09:11:40 pm ---Ah, so you're saying that people out there with 2 year olds are not parents?
That's what you're saying, right?
Two years I lived with my sister and did the bulk of the childcare mean nothing?
So two years doesn't count, right?
OK, tell that to all the people out there who have recently adopted, fostered or have two year old children.
HEY YOU OUT THERE, KELDA AND MILO SAY YOU'RE NOT "REAL" PARENTS.
True, right?
If your answer is yes, then I'll buy your statement and we can spread the word that REAL parents have a probationary period that they have to pass before being 'accepted' as a 'real' parent. What is it, 3 years? 10? 35? What do you suggest?
If you answer no, then I was a parent. For only two years, but I was. My niece certainly thought I was because within a few weeks, SHE was calling me 'mom'.
And I guess what she thought is what really counts.
As for child care, who knows, maybe I was a natural and I just didn't get to practice much. Some people are better at adapting than others. My niece was hyperactive. She wasn't by any means a nice, quiet child. So she was difficult, comparatively speaking, yet I had no problems with her.
ETA: I know you didn't mean it that way Kelda, but it is extremely offensive to suggest that there is some sort of probationary period before someone is considered a 'true' parent. Like our definition of families has expanded greatly, so must our definition of parents. It's not a sacred cow and there is no one real way to be a parent.
--- End quote ---
serious crayons:
--- Quote from: Kelda on February 18, 2012, 03:03:59 pm ---If that was the case, you could say that the workers in a day care centre are parents to children that are in their care for the majority of each working day.
--- End quote ---
Good point, Kelda. Even full-time nannies are rarely confused with parents.
But also, I'd like to emphasize that even an actual parent can only speak from the experience of that parent, with that child.
So while it's true that someone who hasn't been a parent really has no authority to say what all parents in general should or shouldn't do, even someone who has his or her own children does not hold that authority. It's the purest arrogance for anyone to claim to know how other people should live their lives.
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