Our BetterMost Community > Chez Tremblay
Another viewing, and a revelation
Kelda:
Barb - thank you for telling us your story.I know you aren't afraid tp grab hold of that chance.
ednbarby:
Thanks for the very kind thoughts, all. And David, I wish we lived near eachother, too. :)
What's saddest to me is how not unique my experience is. Several woman friends have confided in me over the years that they lived through similar horrors as children - stepfathers, uncles, family "friends," neighbors, and yes, brothers and fathers. I'm sure many men have lived through it, too, but it seems more prevalent in women. I like to hope it was a product of the 70s somehow and that it's getting better for children now, but I fear it's most likely gotten worse considering the more isolated we've all become in this sprawling suburbia, technology-obsessed age. At least when I was a kid, we were always outside running around with the neighbor kids weather permitting. Now kids stay inside all the time - it worries me.
That's wonderful work you're doing, Rouxb. I bow to you and people like you who are helping. I aim to become one of those people in the very near future.
Thank you, everyone, for being the true family I never had, and thank you Phillip, for providing a safe haven here to all of us Ennises.
David:
Geez, I guess I've repressed this too. But when I was 10 years old, my older brother pressured me to fool around with him. I didn't think much of it at the time, but today I can do the math. My brother is 8 years older than I am!
I'm sure plenty of people would point and say : "See? that made you queer!" It didn't make my brother Gay. He is married with three kids.
I've never told anybody that in my life! BetterMost opens up all kinds of Closets I guess!
I don't think it did any great damage to me emotionally. I dated girls eventually. I made my own choices. Not to disparage anyone who is still suffering the scars of such an event. Every situation is different. How we carry this with us is the important part. Knowing that it is OK to be loved and held by our loved ones is a matter of trust.
Barb, I'm sure that you know how much your husband loves you. He sounds like a great guy. And a what makes for a great spouse is that they are also your best friend. It sure sounds like you are in great hands.
David :)
starboardlight:
thank you for sharing that post with us, Barb. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to admit and face our own fears. For you to open up to your husband at such a crucial time must have been scary. I am happy that he instead of being angry allowed himself to see how much you do love him. I think you're right. I think you two will be able to move forward together from here. We're here, pulling for you, and you know that.
ednbarby:
I know what you mean, David - I hate that rationale, too - the one that says that if a gay man was molested as a child, that's "the reason." ::)
If that's the case, shouldn't I only like doing it with members of my own family? Good God, the ignorance of everyday people just astonishes me sometimes.
Similarly, I *hate hate hate* that Mark Foley's admitting he is gay is somehow supposed to exonerate him from being a pedophile. HEL-LO! A pedophile is a pedophile. There are gay pedophiles and there are straight pedophiles. One thing doesn't lead to the other. Ignoramuses.
I think maybe it's been harder for me to get past it because I pushed it down inside for so long. It went on for three or four years and I felt horrible about it every time and yet did nothing to try to stop it myself. Why didn't I go to my other brother (who, as it turns out, ultimately found out about it and put a stop to it largely unbeknownst to me until fairly recently) or my mother? Why didn't I fight him? Why didn't I do something? There's a shame associated with doing nothing that's the hardest thing to shake, I think. And I think it's left me thinking for years and years that sex is somehow a dirty, uncivilized thing - a thing you should be ashamed of. When someone like me finds herself with a loving, caring, trustworthy man, we don't know what to do with ourselves. For years, through high school and college, I was only attracted to the "bad boys" - the ones who would ultimately treat me like crap, and I was smart enough to know they would from the get-go, because I must have thought that's what I deserved to be treated like. Ed was the first to ever truly treat me like an equal. And while I basked in the glow of his love, I shied away from it, too. Meet Barbara Del Mar.
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