This is a well-timed thread for me because I've been assigned to write about caregiving for the paper. My editor is a very nice guy but he's terrible at story concepts, so he just asked me to write a story about caregiving. I asked what our angle would be, and he didn't really have any ideas. He said he'd heard the state AARP has some big caregiving initiatives going on, and maybe I could write something about those.
So I emailed a guy at the AARP, who sent me information about a bill they're trying to get passed. It's a pretty minor bill. I can write about it, but it looks like a fairly short and unsubstantial story. He also sent me links to a few AARP pages about caregiving.
One was a page with tips for caregivers: take time for yourself, get help from others, use community resources, deal with your feelings, stay positive, etc. The tips all seemed fine, if a little obvious. Then I started reading the comments. Oh my god. Many of the commenters called the tips ridiculously unrealistic. They talked about how lives are overwhelming, they don't have more than a few minutes to themselves all day, they've had to quit their jobs, can't leave their homes, they're caring for uncooperative or even unpleasant family members, little to no help from other relatives, waiting lists for community resources ... and on and on.
Here's a typical sample:
JustTired62
What I think, I think life sucks, I'm 61 years old, work a full time job and take care of my mom and my life is horrible. I have no friends, can't go anywhere, because I feel guilty leaving my mom home and she isn't mobile. The only place she goes is Mass on Sunday and comjplains that she is in so much pain but won't give it up. I'm tired and have no help. If I mention nursing home, she goes wild. Threatening to kill herself. I raised three children and now I'm caring for my mom and so tired of the nagging and complaining. whewww, glad to get this off my chest.
I think I'm going to advise my editor that I can write a quick story about the AARP's bill for now, but unless a better angle presents itself, we should wait and take the time to write something more substantial about caregiving, maybe a package of stories covering the challenges, the financial implications, etc. .... and/or some profiles of caregivers. I'm not going to write a page of chirpy little tips -- find time to relax! stay positive! -- and call it a day.
Full-time caregiving sounds very similar to the caring for an infant -- stressful and time-consuming -- except instead of being essentially a cheerful thing because you're watching somebody grow and learn, you're watching somebody decline and eventually die.