It's fun to imagine the different jobs that would be oh-so-hard (
) to do where Jake's concerned.
For example, how'd you like to be his opthamologist/optometrist?
OK, Mr. Gyllenhaal. Let's start by having you take your shirt off. Well, you see, I'll be able to better focus on your eyes if I'm not distracted by your shirt, there. Now, please look deeply into my eyes. Get a little closer. Closer. No - still need you to get a little closer. OK. Now, let's see. Oh, my. Did you know there are about seven distinct colors in your irises? Is that a band of gold I see around the pupils? Make that eight. And I'd say your eyelashes are a good three quarters of an inch long. What does that have to do with your eyesight? Oh, well, actually there's a ratio calculation we do of eyelash length to iris circumference that helps us infer whether you'll ever have cataracts. No, I'm not shitting you. OK, now close your eyes for a bit. Ah, yes. That's nice. No, no. Keep them closed until I tell you to open them. Mmmmm hmmmm. Wow. That's a really big... What am I doing? Oh, just another ratio calculation. This one determines your probability of developing glaucoma. No, really!
