For Our New Members: Brokeback Mountain Stages of Grief & Acceptance

[loneleeb3]

Thanks guys!!

Be assured that I feel like you do Lee!!

Sure helps communicating on this site!!

And maybe we can see persons in person too... reaching out that way as well.
Did you see that chap from GAYDADDIES yet,may I ask?
And other gay men?

Hugs!

No, I'm not rady for that yet.
I'm still trying to work through the current drama with these feelings I am having and my marriage.
I'm not ready to step out of the closet yet and start a new life. I need to put an end to one so I can start a new one. I want to this to go as smoothly as possible for everyone involved including myself. After that and i have time to mourn and collect myself then i will attempt to begina new life. One small step at a time.

[Artiste]

Thanks Lee!

I can think about what you say... yes.

That is one way. Speaking with a gay person in person would not mean that you are out of the closet ? Nothing wrong with that, even in private! ?

hugs!

[loneleeb3]

Thanks Lee!

I can think about what you say... yes.

That is one way. Speaking with a gay person in person would not mean that you are out of the closet ? Nothing wrong with that, even in private! ?

hugs!

I know but the one guy kinda creeped me out. I think he was interested in more than talking. I am in no way shape or form ready for that. Specially since I am still married.
Maybe I took it wrong but I'd better be safe than sorry. Don't want to put myself in an awkward situation.

[Phillip Dampier]

I know but the one guy kinda creeped me out. I think he was interested in more than talking. I am in no way shape or form ready for that. Specially since I am still married.

One of the first gay people I met spent half of the evening laying on the floor at my feet looking up at me during our conversation trying to find a friendly way to bribe me to get down on the floor with him.  Phillip doesn't play Vega$ so I stayed in the chair. 

The second encounter wasn't too much better at a local Perkins restaurant where it seemed a good number of my high school classmate graduates were at the adjacent tables while I endured an evening of catty, extremely flamboyant gay men who made comments about "being on the rag" and trashing the waitress' outfit and hairstyle.  I was slowly shrinking in my chair trying to slip under the table.

While there are a lot of friendly, understanding, and non-sexually obsessed gay men out there, there are also some that presume everyone is open and ready for anything.  Stand your ground and if the discomfort/pressure continues, move on.

Posts in Safe Haven will probably bring many more responses on this topic. 

[Artiste]

Thanks, thanks Phillip Dampier, and Lee!!

Yes, there are some men who just like sex anytime from anyone; same thing in the straight world!!

There are weirdos in both worlds too!!

I guess that I sought another gay man too soon after my partner's passing, when I went to a restaurant to meet someone, but since I was still so upset, I talked too loud and I noticed that persons there listened to us talk. So, that potential firend, lover, pal, never contacted me after that!!

We gay men seem to be too much in the closet, or too much out!! ??

Hugs, hugs!!

[loneleeb3]

Well, It's been over a month and I am still grieving. I guess thats what you would call it.
Grieving for what though I'm not quite sure.
Am I grieving for the boys and their lost chance at true love, true happiness, the hurt and pain they constantly lived with, their longing for somthing that they would never have? Or, am I grieving for those same things within myself.
Lost chances,lost love, pain, anguish,despair, fear. Fear of never finding true love, true happiness, fear of life passing me by. It's hard to tell. Probably more of the latter.
Alls I know is that I hear the songs on BBM radio and I cry, I see the movie, I cry, I read the story, I cry.
If I think about the message of the movie I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Sometimes I even find it hard to breathe.
I feel like the sheep Ennis found after the first night in the tent together. My insides have been ripped out and left me empty.
I guess if their is a bright side I'm now just waiting to be filled up again. It's just proving to be a long journey to the fillin station. 

[Artiste]

Thanks Lee!

Yes, I guess you and I, plus others, do all that, too much grief if that is what it is called!

The film  tells us of violence against gay men!! Too, of course, there is love between two men.

Will society ever accept gay men? So we can also accept ourselves? Are those good questions?


Hugs!!

[Sammi]

What a great post.  Being a new person to this movie and in the early stages it is actually sad to read the stages I will be at next.  There is something about that stage 4.  Something is off in my life that makes me connect to this movie.  Wow - very insightful post.   I will be thinking about this a lot now.

[Brown Eyes]

What a great post.  Being a new person to this movie and in the early stages it is actually sad to read the stages I will be at next.  There is something about that stage 4.  Something is off in my life that makes me connect to this movie.  Wow - very insightful post.   I will be thinking about this a lot now.

Welcome to BetterMost Sammi.   You're certainly among people here who understand what you're going through and your reactions as a newcomer to the movie.

I'm jealous of you actually... I remember the super exciting early days of being a Brokie.  BBM was all I could think about and I was desperate to talk about it all the time with folks who understood.  There's certainly lots to discover about the film and the story.  So definitely have fun.  And, it is true, I think, that the ways the movie/story impacts each serious Brokie can be very personal and pretty profound.

[BBM_victim]

Actually i had this idea of such a thread, too. It's nice to see that there was one from early on already. (My idea also included advises of experienced Brockies for overcoming the stages, though.)

I am not sure which stage i am in. Currently after about 4-5 months i am still very interested in all details, interpretations, interviews... But i am also already at piece with the ending (although the story itself surely continues to be extremely tragic and sad).

I do live through the days as if in a fog. A Brokeback-Mountain-fog. The thoughts about it are in the foreground and everything else keeps popping up but then inevitably disappearing back into it.

The other day i had a thought that this movie made me feel things which were so real and true and of such high intensity that after they were gone i was left with a huge void and bleakness which made me feel sad and tired. It's not the story and the message itself (sure it is in a way), but the effect it had on me. It's difficult to put this in words.

I think the beauty of the nature in this movie (including all according sounds! especially sounds!) contributes to the feeling of this void. Living in one of the biggest cities in the world, surrounded by concrete, rushing people, artificial sounds, all that high-tech fast-living society, just makes me feel even more tired of all of it. The "simple life" of when i was a kid was much happier, much more connected with nature... I found myself now wanting to go camping, having some really warm feelings towards a picture of a tent in a catalog!!! 

I do see parallels to my own life. I do feel stuck at the moment, also being scared of doing something against it - much like Ennis must have felt, too. So, i console myself that for everything there is a right timing. And if i am not able to change anything at this moment, then it just means that i / the situation is not ready for a change yet. So, somehow i try to "distract yourself until you can forget about it", although i don't think i want to forget about it.

Anyway, looking forward to what this experience might lead me to!